september in books

because i um... have yet to read a single damn thing in october... so... i need to get back on this pretentious grindset neowww... and also stop flopping at keeping up with classwork >///<

well...on with it

boy parts

• I hated this so much every single moment of it I wanted to kill myself and every person who was putting me through this trial…so NOURA... it did have like mid/mediocre story effect where the entire time I was like ‘and this is what I would’ve done or preferred with the narrative etc etc’ made a really good feudal lord/handmaiden dynamic joke at some point and got laugh reacts in the discord server so... overall some days of my life wasted on this endeavour
• ok essentially noura's parasocial figure of interest ISSS eliza clarke, and someone on dw wrote about this book ages ago in a way that had me convinced I would hate it for whatever reason despiteee the fact that they were ostensibly praising it so hard and i litr loved all the other books they recommended... so i assumed I was going in closehearted and it would surprise me, and so I was like 'ok i will read this alongside the idiot' (which is another book i was going to be approaching closehearted with hatred and preconceived notions) bc they were both noura recs... well the idiot was allegedly a rec by noura's sister who said it was her favourite book (later we would find out, in real time, the both of us That this was not true, and she hadn't even read it... so LOL)... as you know, i loved the idiot. and so reading this was genuinely painful
• my problem was the entire time that eliza clarke was very good at the tumblr parts and very mid/boring/basic regarding every other part like we get it, irina is supposed to be annoying and an asshole and insufferable etc etc etc... and so the way the plot progressed and how things unfolded were both predictable and not aided or made up for by either some kind-of depth afforded to irina, or by the writing itself which i didn't care for, or like, a more regressive/reactionary plot... it just fell flat for me, esp since like... i think there was a version of this book that was a lot more interesting or at least, Committed to a lot of it's contours, and this felt like the lukewarm execution made to please both The Public (nebulous, not really what i mean) and the freaks who wanted the weirder more fucked story ... whatever it was fine.
• also can someone tell me if penance is good

the late americans

• i was like >do I have a biased image of mfas and iww orrrrr are neither really not as bad as I think… and then I read this and it confirmed everything i believed about the iww and mfas… and once again I am stewing in my lofty palace of hate and arrogance because i am vindicated and right about it
• Kind of like ummm other than in the dream house literally iww has produced nothing or note or value and also rt amy hugerford the yale lecture series 2003 THE IWW SERIOUSLY HAS INSTITUTIONALISED THE NOVEL🤧
• in the end my beef with the iww as well as with 'american' lit. is that americans hate to be american and so they refuse any kind of nationhood or identity and always resist picking any sides or any stances and this entire novellll was about guys who did not want to be 'anything' because they thought it would place them above all the things they looked down at and were looked down for... i should start c_p'ing my discord live-reads/twt livereaccs to these but ... it's very frustrating to watch american's staunch backing and bombing of palestine and lebanon, and then to see that very attitude that makes it possible for it to act upon these politics and make shallow concessions and do all the doublespeak and media play and bureacratic nonsense, and you know, see that it's a problem at all levels and in all facets of american society and culture, including the Big Mechanical Institution That Makes All Their Novelists, and then know that this IS the point of their books and their status and their celebrity or vague fame or wh

portrait of the artist as a young man (1.5x)

• well… i thought I would be rolling my eyes the entire time but at least james joyce was a tortured artist deep cut loser FOR REAL… my problem isnt with pretentious githeads or holier than thou (LOL) artists its with guys who DONT COMMIT. and james was committing.
• um seriously so funny that this book is entirely and only about religious guilt and trauma the entire time i was like oh james joyce u would love my lesbian roommate... you are the same person even. ok not true but seriously so funny...
• genuinely beautiful writing and turns of phrase and joyce is eclectic and pretentious in all the ways i like and support and can forgive men about... idk i also read sally rooney's treatise on joyce/ulysses so that was also making me feel sooo open-hearted and i am litr guy who is in (and always will be) my irishboo era and am deeply committed to the beautiful and proud nation of ireland... dublin wait for meee wait for me dublin
• i was thinking i was going to do my final essay on this x disco elysium but actually this is so little about dublin imo... but i think actually maybe the way language progresses and comes back/through both of them is pretty good treatment but again idk... 
• this also inspired (alongside the idiot et all, rooney) a lot of my autofiction rants... where in the end I THINK AUTOFICTION IS GOOD. and i think autofiction is good, and always superior to the memoir because you care about the Narrative/the Story more than you care about 'the truth' (...) i think autofiction is doing this funny paradox where the author is trying to cover up their arrogance by pretending it's not about them all while finding themselves and important enough to talk about and make other people read about ALL WHILE assuming they are a very small author and a very small person and cannot write about anything beyond the little things they have experienced/achieved/accomplished and in fictionalising it, are adding the glitz and glam and Structure that literature provides in order to make this life that could have been theirs More Worthy and Interesting in being a story.... ISN'T THAT GREAT? I think autofiction is so funny and I also have to mention here I think I have a much broader bound of autofiction than what it is traditionally considered so.

resurrection

• kind of the funniest novel in the world for the majority of its run because tolstoy is making fun of nikhudryev of being a liberal the entire time and then it ends in the worst way a novel has ever ended in the world and im like THIS IS WHAT MY MOM’S FAVOURITE NOVEL?
• so i did read this bc it is no.1 novel my mom loves (and my dad too) and it took me a while and i was like i see what the hype about tolstoy is more or less... like in the end russians will be soooo good at painting pictures of men and women who exist within contradiction and therefore are perfect depictions of what PEOPLE are like. on the other hand they are kind of ass at doing interpersonal relationships between people while perfectly adept at understanding the relationships with authority so in the end... what can u say...
• truly theee book that highlighted to me the obvious fallacy of the 'impartial systems of bureaucracy' like if ancillary justice approached it the opposite way where it started with TRUE STATEMENT: ALL DECISIONS MUST BE EMOTIONAL. this entire book, or parts of it at least, was about dissecting how no decision can be made without an emotional or personal aspect despiteee how structures like law and judgement and punishment want u to approach... the trial scene is genuinely sooo crazy...
• also a funny personal story is that the translator (either american or british GOOGLE IS NOT HELPING ME HERE AT ALL...) was like yesss resurrection is considered 'bad' bc it is so moralistic (like...ctfu... books can't have morals?) but it is not as bad as tolstoy's worst short story, ivan ivanich. cue me turning to my mom and going 'hey,' and her saying yes resurrection is good (which i realised she liked, approximated 40 pages in bc it was so moralistic) and her going 'oh but tolstoy's best is --' dear reader, can you guess what she said? 
• ANYWAY. seriously worst flop ending in the world I can't fucking do it anymore ICB TOLSTOY WROTE MULTIPLE ENDINGS AND THEN HE WAS LIKE.... let me bestow upon my readers... the truth... which is that in the end the liberal becomes An American. FUCK YOUUU. like very true. BUT FUCK YOUUU. mfw u stop reading american novels to escape americans and even then...

either/or

• and when I say i hate americans and the american novel i would never mean YOUUUU, ELIF BATUMANNN… selin my beloved🥹🫶okay i need to say more about these books than that but seriously ummmmmm nothing so beloved as myyy delightful smart and witty darling selin... I think I mostly read 'Literary Novels' (whatever that means LOL) because I love the narrative or the style, so unlike franchises or series, I'm never so attached to the specific characters... so like to finally have A CHARACTER from literature who is sooo alive and beloved by MEEEE who will live on in my heart and head forever and be myyyy stephen dedalus or anna karina or whomever... this is kind of linalenu mybrilliantfriend erasure but it's DIFFERENCEEE... selin my meowmeow of all time....
• i was so scared this book was going to be about sex and then it was about sex... but in a defeatist way where right after selin is like 'sveltena don't u want to be in homoerotic perfect girl companionship with me' and then sveltena answers that by getting a boyfriend so selin now has to get with the program and start dating men... still truly truly not as bad as i thought it would be... i think i liked that it was a very analytical thing for her still, and so sex was An Act You Do bc once again this is another ritual she has to go through to seem Like A Normal Person rather than something that has bearing on her worth or attractiveness or lack thereof, which is what women having sex seems to become.... in general  i love the complete disregard re/body&looks that both books have, which is part of what makes it so refreshing... TO MEEE... obviously there's mentions of clothes or hair or the whole episode with the ugly shoes but it's never in a way where you're made to feel like this is somehow such a vital or crucial aspect of Being A Woman/Girl...
• anyway very relevant to this, or somewhat relevant, was elif batuman's article about empire and reading russians while they are waging war on ukraine, which did not necessarily come to a conclusion about anything but again - is a discussion about how we read things, how we could read things, how we are 'meant' to read things... something something mcluhan can always be applied to any crime scene but also i need to read frederic jameson ideology soongeee... in the end

females, totem/taboo (not well)

• we were calling alc a visionary and a legend and a truly new novel awesome thinker and i was like she is myyyy philosopher king and i read this and felt that even more deeplyyy... i noted this in tw3, but alc has that very punchy style where every paragraph is set up like a joke, where you have bewildering premise, buid-up/explanation, punchline... it's a very recognisable and specific school of essay writing/writing treatment, that is very entertaining and it works really well for her obviously... 
• i think i didn't expect how personal she got with it, down to the porn addiction reveal et all, but I also think it was refreshing to read something that was a personal piece more so than any vague academic theory or whatever... I LIKED IT I HAD FUNNNN... i agreed with a lot of her ideas, and even when I don't agree with her, I still think she has a lot of interesting things to say or rotate around ur mind as a cube or wme... she's just fun!!!
• reading freud was an experience because everytime you'd be like, wait... Is this a bar? he'd be like AND THAT'S WHY MEN WANT TO FUCK THEIR MOTHERS. like bro! shut up about the oedpius complex! shut up! (...) ok but my reading of this truly was so bad um the copy that was at my school library was 50 yrs old so i really distracted by pinching holes into the paper with my nails and the textural sensation of that and it was so... anyway. i will try again at some point bc oomr kind-of does laud it as one of her holy grail religious criticism texts...

fasting, feasting

• SOOOO GOOD. miss desai you are everythingggggggg
• it took me approximately 10000 yrs to read this, but i am really glad I DID!! aris essentially is doing their thesis on it and  I Want To Be There... so obviously next on my list is kieran desai the inheritance of loss (...) and then i can fully synthesis All Themes and Ideas...
• in the end I really liked both ends of the narrative, the claustrophobic experience of Living In A Family Society with uma and the bleakness of American Life with arun... that neither of them are very happy or satisfied with where they are and what they have done and will do... i think there's something to be said that 'happiness' has never really been the goal, especially not within the subcontinent or even the continent probably. there's always been some pressure of survival, and it's just that the upper bounds of How Successful that survival could be are now broader... in some senses yes in some senses no... like esp with my parents generation, why they did the things they did why they immigrated this and that, it was not so much in search for 'happiness' or 'success' but 'better' and 'easier'? in some ways.. IDK... really heart-shattering book in many ways esp for how it tries to make the best out of this minute miserable existence and experience...
• i think that is the hardest part of writing 'the subaltern' or historically/actively oppressed is both representing the smallness and forced indignities of their lives and also communicating that this person does still have dignity, is still capable of joy and deserves to live... like i'll only say it a million times but there is almost a notion of 'this life is not worth living' to some stories or experiences that undermines that a person has still lived that kind of life... there is so much unfairness in undue harm and tragedy, even ones that seem so small, and yet.
• prose somehow managed to be rich but simple... genuinely you are so easily able to inhabit the world and landscapes these characters are in... desai was soooo good... and her observations were both sooo cutting and clever and at times offered with humour, both in the sense that she was making a joke out of the situation at hand but also because the pain of there being nothing to do other than laugh about it...
• ON THAT NOTE: it's been discussed a little specifically wrt to indigenous practices of handling trauma, but i think a lot of subcontinental writers rely on satire and sarcasm irony, esp in the period of partition/post partition, to deal with these huge persisting generational issues and traumatic structures... maybe i will go try and do some reading on that.

intermezzo

• kind of the power of reading intermezzo and joyce so closely together was that it made me like both better…okay so I only did like the joycean sections of intermezzo (AKA the peter pov and peter's story in general) and I felt extremely /neg about all the other parts though i did think margaret got some of the best observations/lines in general...
• as always sally rooney prose or story is nothing to write home about and the single thing she does so well she literally didn't do the entire time bc she was too busy crafting a different kind of narrative and I wasn't enjoying it...the reason i liked the peter sections is because she experiements so minutely, and she does very subtle shifts from book to book, so it was really exciting even LOL to see her jump deep into fragmentation and being more sparse with language in terms of sentence structures but more vivid in terms of stream of consciosness/general atmosphere and description... i also really loved that she was doing DUBLIN... i cheered i yayed i enjoyed it... finallyyyy PLACE MATTERS... and it really does peter was so much about not having identity or anything beyond the material to under himself or his worth by lol....
• IN SAYING THAT... peter is kind of like kendall roy to me. very clearly toxic sigma alpha male pathetic man type.... but also.... Miserable Pathetic Eldest Daughter of all time. within him he holds both extremes. so in the end he is also beth's spectre of Bang Chan From Eldest Daughter Twitter... idk i thought it was so funny everyone was kind-of missing that he was the Sally Rooney Girl, you know, sharp intelligent easy to dislike, very cool and chic on the outside, a total fucking self-hating mess on the inside who is insecure and believes himself incapable of being loved/wanted and is desperate for any pearls of affection offered to him... because, i feel like you're always looking for this girl when you read rooney, and it was so funny to be midway through the book and go Oh! PETER is MARIANNE. because he is.
• in the end it was one of those 400 pages books where one moment of perfect understanding between two people justified the slog and uphill battle of it all... when peter and margaret see each other for the first time outside of ivan's chess tournament and recognse who the other is immediately and both are so cautious and careful and want to understand and be understood by the other TwwwT ahhh the sally rooneyism of all time coming through ONCE just ONCE... the most romantic moment in the book TO ME down to how neither of them could bring themselves to actually enter the room to watch ivan's match.... ooooh... what a moment...
• i also liked, and this seemed to be overlooked by some critics, how naomi's dialogue was so genz or memey or overused humour in that it really conveyed a lot of about her and what kind of person she was, and this appearance of wit and intelligence in a way that was appealing to peter, but as ivan says, neither of them really, you know... idk i think it captured the youth and triteness of her ability to communicate quite well.. like she knows the baseline thing she has to say to be seen as 'funny' or 'charming' without really conceiving of the witticism herself... anyway that's whyyy her best line of dialogue and the only time she really says something worth is that last conversation 'we were both playing games / we both wanted to win' etc etc... i actually don't know that I believe this take myself but here it is...
• i also. liked the extremely accurate and real portrayal of trying to have a relationship with a brother u hate who looks down on you and who u can't stand but is the better speaker between the both of u. like... sorry to that brown girl who said that sally rooney is not writing books for her, but i personally can't relate. she's writing books about ME. genuinely could do nothing but :wechatcrylaugh: everytime they had a fight or we were in ivan's head about it like... it do be like that.

the giver

• truly 1984/Brave New World for kids. like, baby’s first Utopia/Dystopia dialectic (…) literally reading the part where jonas lies down shirtless on the bed to ‘receive’ the memories the giver ‘gives’ to him and i was like lois lowry what did u know about the grecian tradition of pederasty and pedagogy…. easily yhe gayest shit in the world im so sorry i was shocked and awed and gagged.
• also id read this like fioddndioedn 12 years ago(????) for school so i didnt remember the end and then i read it again and was shocked and awed even like Uuhhhhh How beautiful was it to end on a note of Hope… On the promise of a dream… literally how beautiful is it to have Hope🥹

my list for next time: the inheritance of loss, hard to be a god, my laundry list of theory probably lol, the god of small things (for the second time!),  the autobiography of alice b toklas, untouchable, mrs.dalloway... yes i am doing a class on modernism how could u tell.