fwcu: (Default)
there are probably a lot of layers to this winning and losing thing, for example it was exoomr's brithday party, which was fun and nice and she seemed happier about my friends being there instead of my being there which could mean nothing or something, or I'm overthinking it; every house party I go to I'm filled with this vague notion that I will meet someone and hook up and that will be that, except that kind-of never or barely happens, and statistically, because these things happen at these places, it has to fly by at some point.
Read more... )
fwcu: (Default)
recently I read 2666, watched the pitt, read a couple book reviews on the world socialist website, which was interesting and at various points very moving, but i need someone to tell me what opinion to have about it, I read some Chirstian Gerlach, stuff like that.

Read more... )

ulysses

Jan. 22nd, 2025 10:42 pm
fwcu: (cat)
So, there’s this famous modernist novel that takes place over the course of a day and is written in a fragmentary stream of consciousness and is a re-telling of The Odyssey, with both stories being named after the titular character… and it’s… Mrs. Dalloway?

Read more... )
fwcu: (namesake)
because i um... have yet to read a single damn thing in october... so... i need to get back on this pretentious grindset neowww... and also stop flopping at keeping up with classwork >///<

well...on with it
boy parts
  • I hated this so much every single moment of it I wanted to kill myself and every person who was putting me through this trial…so NOURA... it did have like mid/mediocre story effect where the entire time I was like ‘and this is what I would’ve done or preferred with the narrative etc etc’ made a really good feudal lord/handmaiden dynamic joke at some point and got laugh reacts in the discord server so... overall some days of my life wasted on this endeavour
  • ok essentially noura's parasocial figure of interest ISSS eliza clarke, and someone on dw wrote about this book ages ago in a way that had me convinced I would hate it for whatever reason despiteee the fact that they were ostensibly praising it so hard and i litr loved all the other books they recommended... so i assumed I was going in closehearted and it would surprise me, and so I was like 'ok i will read this alongside the idiot' (which is another book i was going to be approaching closehearted with hatred and preconceived notions) bc they were both noura recs... well the idiot was allegedly a rec by noura's sister who said it was her favourite book (later we would find out, in real time, the both of us That this was not true, and she hadn't even read it... so LOL)... as you know, i loved the idiot. and so reading this was genuinely painful
  • my problem was the entire time that eliza clarke was very good at the tumblr parts and very mid/boring/basic regarding every other part like we get it, irina is supposed to be annoying and an asshole and insufferable etc etc etc... and so the way the plot progressed and how things unfolded were both predictable and not aided or made up for by either some kind-of depth afforded to irina, or by the writing itself which i didn't care for, or like, a more regressive/reactionary plot... it just fell flat for me, esp since like... i think there was a version of this book that was a lot more interesting or at least, Committed to a lot of it's contours, and this felt like the lukewarm execution made to please both The Public (nebulous, not really what i mean) and the freaks who wanted the weirder more fucked story ... whatever it was fine.
  • also can someone tell me if penance is good
the late americans
  • i was like >do I have a biased image of mfas and iww orrrrr are neither really not as bad as I think… and then I read this and it confirmed everything i believed about the iww and mfas… and once again I am stewing in my lofty palace of hate and arrogance because i am vindicated and right about it
  • Kind of like ummm other than in the dream house literally iww has produced nothing or note or value and also rt amy hugerford the yale lecture series 2003 THE IWW SERIOUSLY HAS INSTITUTIONALISED THE NOVEL🤧
  • in the end my beef with the iww as well as with 'american' lit. is that americans hate to be american and so they refuse any kind of nationhood or identity and always resist picking any sides or any stances and this entire novellll was about guys who did not want to be 'anything' because they thought it would place them above all the things they looked down at and were looked down for... i should start c_p'ing my discord live-reads/twt livereaccs to these but ... it's very frustrating to watch american's staunch backing and bombing of palestine and lebanon, and then to see that very attitude that makes it possible for it to act upon these politics and make shallow concessions and do all the doublespeak and media play and bureacratic nonsense, and you know, see that it's a problem at all levels and in all facets of american society and culture, including the Big Mechanical Institution That Makes All Their Novelists, and then know that this IS the point of their books and their status and their celebrity or vague fame or wh

portrait of the artist as a young man (1.5x)
  • well… i thought I would be rolling my eyes the entire time but at least james joyce was a tortured artist deep cut loser FOR REAL… my problem isnt with pretentious githeads or holier than thou (LOL) artists its with guys who DONT COMMIT. and james was committing.
  • um seriously so funny that this book is entirely and only about religious guilt and trauma the entire time i was like oh james joyce u would love my lesbian roommate... you are the same person even. ok not true but seriously so funny...
  • genuinely beautiful writing and turns of phrase and joyce is eclectic and pretentious in all the ways i like and support and can forgive men about... idk i also read sally rooney's treatise on joyce/ulysses so that was also making me feel sooo open-hearted and i am litr guy who is in (and always will be) my irishboo era and am deeply committed to the beautiful and proud nation of ireland... dublin wait for meee wait for me dublin
  • i was thinking i was going to do my final essay on this x disco elysium but actually this is so little about dublin imo... but i think actually maybe the way language progresses and comes back/through both of them is pretty good treatment but again idk... 
  • this also inspired (alongside the idiot et all, rooney) a lot of my autofiction rants... where in the end I THINK AUTOFICTION IS GOOD. and i think autofiction is good, and always superior to the memoir because you care about the Narrative/the Story more than you care about 'the truth' (...) i think autofiction is doing this funny paradox where the author is trying to cover up their arrogance by pretending it's not about them all while finding themselves and important enough to talk about and make other people read about ALL WHILE assuming they are a very small author and a very small person and cannot write about anything beyond the little things they have experienced/achieved/accomplished and in fictionalising it, are adding the glitz and glam and Structure that literature provides in order to make this life that could have been theirs More Worthy and Interesting in being a story.... ISN'T THAT GREAT? I think autofiction is so funny and I also have to mention here I think I have a much broader bound of autofiction than what it is traditionally considered so.
resurrection
  • kind of the funniest novel in the world for the majority of its run because tolstoy is making fun of nikhudryev of being a liberal the entire time and then it ends in the worst way a novel has ever ended in the world and im like THIS IS WHAT MY MOM’S FAVOURITE NOVEL?
  • so i did read this bc it is no.1 novel my mom loves (and my dad too) and it took me a while and i was like i see what the hype about tolstoy is more or less... like in the end russians will be soooo good at painting pictures of men and women who exist within contradiction and therefore are perfect depictions of what PEOPLE are like. on the other hand they are kind of ass at doing interpersonal relationships between people while perfectly adept at understanding the relationships with authority so in the end... what can u say...
  • truly theee book that highlighted to me the obvious fallacy of the 'impartial systems of bureaucracy' like if ancillary justice approached it the opposite way where it started with TRUE STATEMENT: ALL DECISIONS MUST BE EMOTIONAL. this entire book, or parts of it at least, was about dissecting how no decision can be made without an emotional or personal aspect despiteee how structures like law and judgement and punishment want u to approach... the trial scene is genuinely sooo crazy...
  • also a funny personal story is that the translator (either american or british GOOGLE IS NOT HELPING ME HERE AT ALL...) was like yesss resurrection is considered 'bad' bc it is so moralistic (like...ctfu... books can't have morals?) but it is not as bad as tolstoy's worst short story, ivan ivanich. cue me turning to my mom and going 'hey,' and her saying yes resurrection is good (which i realised she liked, approximated 40 pages in bc it was so moralistic) and her going 'oh but tolstoy's best is --' dear reader, can you guess what she said? 
  • ANYWAY. seriously worst flop ending in the world I can't fucking do it anymore ICB TOLSTOY WROTE MULTIPLE ENDINGS AND THEN HE WAS LIKE.... let me bestow upon my readers... the truth... which is that in the end the liberal becomes An American. FUCK YOUUU. like very true. BUT FUCK YOUUU. mfw u stop reading american novels to escape americans and even then...
either/or
  • and when I say i hate americans and the american novel i would never mean YOUUUU, ELIF BATUMANNN… selin my beloved🥹🫶okay i need to say more about these books than that but seriously ummmmmm nothing so beloved as myyy delightful smart and witty darling selin... I think I mostly read 'Literary Novels' (whatever that means LOL) because I love the narrative or the style, so unlike franchises or series, I'm never so attached to the specific characters... so like to finally have A CHARACTER from literature who is sooo alive and beloved by MEEEE who will live on in my heart and head forever and be myyyy stephen dedalus or anna karina or whomever... this is kind of linalenu mybrilliantfriend erasure but it's DIFFERENCEEE... selin my meowmeow of all time....
  • i was so scared this book was going to be about sex and then it was about sex... but in a defeatist way where right after selin is like 'sveltena don't u want to be in homoerotic perfect girl companionship with me' and then sveltena answers that by getting a boyfriend so selin now has to get with the program and start dating men... still truly truly not as bad as i thought it would be... i think i liked that it was a very analytical thing for her still, and so sex was An Act You Do bc once again this is another ritual she has to go through to seem Like A Normal Person rather than something that has bearing on her worth or attractiveness or lack thereof, which is what women having sex seems to become.... in general  i love the complete disregard re/body&looks that both books have, which is part of what makes it so refreshing... TO MEEE... obviously there's mentions of clothes or hair or the whole episode with the ugly shoes but it's never in a way where you're made to feel like this is somehow such a vital or crucial aspect of Being A Woman/Girl...
  • anyway very relevant to this, or somewhat relevant, was elif batuman's article about empire and reading russians while they are waging war on ukraine, which did not necessarily come to a conclusion about anything but again - is a discussion about how we read things, how we could read things, how we are 'meant' to read things... something something mcluhan can always be applied to any crime scene but also i need to read frederic jameson ideology soongeee... in the end

females, totem/taboo (not well)
  • we were calling alc a visionary and a legend and a truly new novel awesome thinker and i was like she is myyyy philosopher king and i read this and felt that even more deeplyyy... i noted this in tw3, but alc has that very punchy style where every paragraph is set up like a joke, where you have bewildering premise, buid-up/explanation, punchline... it's a very recognisable and specific school of essay writing/writing treatment, that is very entertaining and it works really well for her obviously... 
  • i think i didn't expect how personal she got with it, down to the porn addiction reveal et all, but I also think it was refreshing to read something that was a personal piece more so than any vague academic theory or whatever... I LIKED IT I HAD FUNNNN... i agreed with a lot of her ideas, and even when I don't agree with her, I still think she has a lot of interesting things to say or rotate around ur mind as a cube or wme... she's just fun!!!
  • reading freud was an experience because everytime you'd be like, wait... Is this a bar? he'd be like AND THAT'S WHY MEN WANT TO FUCK THEIR MOTHERS. like bro! shut up about the oedpius complex! shut up! (...) ok but my reading of this truly was so bad um the copy that was at my school library was 50 yrs old so i really distracted by pinching holes into the paper with my nails and the textural sensation of that and it was so... anyway. i will try again at some point bc oomr kind-of does laud it as one of her holy grail religious criticism texts...
fasting, feasting
  • SOOOO GOOD. miss desai you are everythingggggggg
  • it took me approximately 10000 yrs to read this, but i am really glad I DID!! aris essentially is doing their thesis on it and  I Want To Be There... so obviously next on my list is kieran desai the inheritance of loss (...) and then i can fully synthesis All Themes and Ideas...
  • in the end I really liked both ends of the narrative, the claustrophobic experience of Living In A Family Society with uma and the bleakness of American Life with arun... that neither of them are very happy or satisfied with where they are and what they have done and will do... i think there's something to be said that 'happiness' has never really been the goal, especially not within the subcontinent or even the continent probably. there's always been some pressure of survival, and it's just that the upper bounds of How Successful that survival could be are now broader... in some senses yes in some senses no... like esp with my parents generation, why they did the things they did why they immigrated this and that, it was not so much in search for 'happiness' or 'success' but 'better' and 'easier'? in some ways.. IDK... really heart-shattering book in many ways esp for how it tries to make the best out of this minute miserable existence and experience...
  • i think that is the hardest part of writing 'the subaltern' or historically/actively oppressed is both representing the smallness and forced indignities of their lives and also communicating that this person does still have dignity, is still capable of joy and deserves to live... like i'll only say it a million times but there is almost a notion of 'this life is not worth living' to some stories or experiences that undermines that a person has still lived that kind of life... there is so much unfairness in undue harm and tragedy, even ones that seem so small, and yet.
  • prose somehow managed to be rich but simple... genuinely you are so easily able to inhabit the world and landscapes these characters are in... desai was soooo good... and her observations were both sooo cutting and clever and at times offered with humour, both in the sense that she was making a joke out of the situation at hand but also because the pain of there being nothing to do other than laugh about it...
  • ON THAT NOTE: it's been discussed a little specifically wrt to indigenous practices of handling trauma, but i think a lot of subcontinental writers rely on satire and sarcasm irony, esp in the period of partition/post partition, to deal with these huge persisting generational issues and traumatic structures... maybe i will go try and do some reading on that.
intermezzo
  • kind of the power of reading intermezzo and joyce so closely together was that it made me like both better…okay so I only did like the joycean sections of intermezzo (AKA the peter pov and peter's story in general) and I felt extremely /neg about all the other parts though i did think margaret got some of the best observations/lines in general...
  • as always sally rooney prose or story is nothing to write home about and the single thing she does so well she literally didn't do the entire time bc she was too busy crafting a different kind of narrative and I wasn't enjoying it...the reason i liked the peter sections is because she experiements so minutely, and she does very subtle shifts from book to book, so it was really exciting even LOL to see her jump deep into fragmentation and being more sparse with language in terms of sentence structures but more vivid in terms of stream of consciosness/general atmosphere and description... i also really loved that she was doing DUBLIN... i cheered i yayed i enjoyed it... finallyyyy PLACE MATTERS... and it really does peter was so much about not having identity or anything beyond the material to under himself or his worth by lol....
  • IN SAYING THAT... peter is kind of like kendall roy to me. very clearly toxic sigma alpha male pathetic man type.... but also.... Miserable Pathetic Eldest Daughter of all time. within him he holds both extremes. so in the end he is also beth's spectre of Bang Chan From Eldest Daughter Twitter... idk i thought it was so funny everyone was kind-of missing that he was the Sally Rooney Girl, you know, sharp intelligent easy to dislike, very cool and chic on the outside, a total fucking self-hating mess on the inside who is insecure and believes himself incapable of being loved/wanted and is desperate for any pearls of affection offered to him... because, i feel like you're always looking for this girl when you read rooney, and it was so funny to be midway through the book and go Oh! PETER is MARIANNE. because he is.
  • in the end it was one of those 400 pages books where one moment of perfect understanding between two people justified the slog and uphill battle of it all... when peter and margaret see each other for the first time outside of ivan's chess tournament and recognse who the other is immediately and both are so cautious and careful and want to understand and be understood by the other TwwwT ahhh the sally rooneyism of all time coming through ONCE just ONCE... the most romantic moment in the book TO ME down to how neither of them could bring themselves to actually enter the room to watch ivan's match.... ooooh... what a moment...
  • i also liked, and this seemed to be overlooked by some critics, how naomi's dialogue was so genz or memey or overused humour in that it really conveyed a lot of about her and what kind of person she was, and this appearance of wit and intelligence in a way that was appealing to peter, but as ivan says, neither of them really, you know... idk i think it captured the youth and triteness of her ability to communicate quite well.. like she knows the baseline thing she has to say to be seen as 'funny' or 'charming' without really conceiving of the witticism herself... anyway that's whyyy her best line of dialogue and the only time she really says something worth is that last conversation 'we were both playing games / we both wanted to win' etc etc... i actually don't know that I believe this take myself but here it is...
  • i also. liked the extremely accurate and real portrayal of trying to have a relationship with a brother u hate who looks down on you and who u can't stand but is the better speaker between the both of u. like... sorry to that brown girl who said that sally rooney is not writing books for her, but i personally can't relate. she's writing books about ME. genuinely could do nothing but :wechatcrylaugh: everytime they had a fight or we were in ivan's head about it like... it do be like that.
the giver
  • truly 1984/Brave New World for kids. like, baby’s first Utopia/Dystopia dialectic (…) literally reading the part where jonas lies down shirtless on the bed to ‘receive’ the memories the giver ‘gives’ to him and i was like lois lowry what did u know about the grecian tradition of pederasty and pedagogy…. easily yhe gayest shit in the world im so sorry i was shocked and awed and gagged.
  • also id read this like fioddndioedn 12 years ago(????) for school so i didnt remember the end and then i read it again and was shocked and awed even like Uuhhhhh How beautiful was it to end on a note of Hope… On the promise of a dream… literally how beautiful is it to have Hope🥹

my list for next time: the inheritance of loss, hard to be a god, my laundry list of theory probably lol, the god of small things (for the second time!),  the autobiography of alice b toklas, untouchable, mrs.dalloway... yes i am doing a class on modernism how could u tell.
fwcu: (namesake)
kind-of. anyway in august I was like >I need to become a better or smarter or more well-read person, and since I was not getting a job, despite, needing to get a job, and resigning myself to joblessness, I decided to read 100pages a day. I had also decided, earlier in the summer, to learn bangla and french. neither of which i did. anyway now we are in september, and I have added spanish to that list. just for fun. in any case the french is because when I made a different reading list in the beginning of summer, again, for the quest of intellectualism or whatever it is when you know you're stupid but not as stupid as the next person down the line and you need to at least do the reading to allow u to think like that, that list contained quite a lot of french. actually, I was glancing though a wikipedia article of scholars from martinique, and i realised many of the greatest post-colonialists are from small countries annexed by the french, and so these intellectuals all wrote in french, as did the actual french such as foucault and sartre and d'beauvoir, though I can't say I ever added the second sex to my reading list due to, Being A Woman, camus, et all, and some guys, who weren't even french, wrote in french anyway because it was the thing. marx. i'm referring specifically to marx. anyway. and then I also saw that spivak taught herself french by translating derrida, so I'm trying to do that with les damnes de la terre. oh and how could i forget. I WATCHED ANATOMIE, which really did settle it for me. the bangla because I really should know bangla, obviously. the spanish because there's this spanish short story class that I wanted to take that required lvl600 proficiency. because. presumably. we would have to read the stories in spanish. well, anyway. here we are now. my bangla is not any better. my french is... lacking, and every other second i regret not paying more attention during my mandatory schooling, how the fuck was I supposed to know this would become a necessary interest of mine. my spanish is coming in form of a spanish<>eng dictionary i picked up in perth, ON, at a little library. and my books! some read.

so august was women in translation month. I read, three? women in translation. one helen dewitt. fortysomething pages of clarice lispector that I gave up, perhaps I was not meant to start with a novel but instead the thing she was actually known for. a dostoevksy. a woman who was a fan of dosotoevsky. um. probably one other thing that's slipping my mind idk. ANYWAY. mostly I have learnt that I hate modernism. which anyone could've said. 

the list: lolita, minor detail, the gambler, the idiot, notes of a crocodile, crooked line, kim jiyoung born 1982, brick lane, the last samurai


LOLITA

I will start by cheating. I read lolita in like.... april...? i actually have yet to finish it, but that's how you know it's GOATED. litr one of theeee greatest novels of all time to me ever, was feeling so many feelings that I had only previously felt about my brilliant friend, ummm isn't it so amazing in the end that you don't even need to finish this book to know it's just That Good. well that's how I'm looking at it. I did read it to understand the 3 lectures in the yale amy hugerford the american novel since 1945 series, and they were good lectures kindof sort of she is such a nabakov head which is FINEEE... it's fineee... but since then I have realised I facking hate the american novel (and obviously this doesn't count since nabakov is RUSSIAN and writing as a 'tourist' and it is not so much about america but observing america) and also that I hate when art is not autonomous and we give so much importance to the history of the author in the making and meaning of the novel but obviously hugerford was also making an argument about artists and institutionalisation and public attitudes and how all things converge into making such a thing that we know as 'the novel' (in the american sense) ... also I hate modernism. which can't be true because there is some modernism that I enjoy. but i think on the whole i hate it's resistance and lack of commitment and self-pitying attitude towards 'identity' and it's love for senselessness... anyway. 

do you want me to actually talk about the novel. I think nabakov is the writer of the century, he achieved something with his prose that possibly literally no one else on this earth ever will. when I say i don't have to finish this book to know that it's one of the greatest novels of all time, i just mean stylistically. i just mean because of his prose. it's kinda ctfu because this novel drags so much but the prose goes so crazy, and also it really really made me realise how much of a disservice we do to art and also life to look at it moralistically... like pleaseeeee... I really do think the themes of pedophillia are by far the least interesting thing this novel does. in any case, one of the novels of all time ever that u read and then go drive on the highway for hours and go 'WOW! This is Just Like Lolita' <very real experience I just had. it's so gorgeous and the greatest and worst reading experience and just entertaining (...) IDK It's literally such a good read, I loved it, I was, exactly as hugerford predicted... captivated....

MINOR DETAIL
the book that we have all been talking about since october last year. I don't know how to describe what has happened, what has been happening, and what is happening right now in palestine in a way that can encompass all her sorrows and struggles and suffering and offer any kind of well-meaning sentiment and nuance about it. it's just awful, and I think, you can never really understand how this judgement of 'awful' can be so much worse than just the newest terrifying headline you've read or clip you've seen or indignity a Palestinian has suffered. this is also what sitting with minor detail was like, because after I had read it, I watched adania shibli's interview with fatima bhutto about it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TJ1jpTYQcU) and, she reveals that while she was doing research for this novel and going to the very museum it describes, she had been arrested and detained. and that was simply a detail that hadn't been reflected into the text, that made it somewhat, hopeful even. the fantasy that she had gotten away with her deceptions somehow.

otherwise, as a novel, i think it was so aptly named and so well formed, and it's encompassed with the section where she tells you the story of how you can recreate a whole picture with only minor details, as in the story of the three brothers and the camel. what she does for you, of course, is allow you to recreate this whole picture of occupation and israeli violence as her two characters go about, what is to them, a normal day. it's very precise and very concise. easy to read, but hard to sit with.

THE GAMBLER
kind-of the funniest read of this list ctfuuu... huge tonal change from minor detail which perhaps was not what i needed but what happened anyway. also during I was re-entering the sally rooney mines due to writing fic inspired by sally rooney so I was like, creating parallels in my mind et all et all,  like sally rooney is only good at writing one thing and that is the interpersonal and the inability of people to understand one another and her characters are always doing some pantomime of communication and never quite succeeding due to class/gender/etc while dostoevsky is only good at writing psychological profiles and his characters never talk to each other so much so as they talk At each other, anyway this was a translation done by a woman who time has sort of forgotten about in comparison to all the other very well translators/translations of dostoevsky, but according to some random website and a reddit post, it was a decent translation and the one on the library shelf (...) mostly, there was a preamble about dostoevksy's personal life and history and it was genuinely sooo entertaining i was going 'he really is just like me FR FR' and he was truly living a very third world life, i guess, and obviously, was addicted to gambling and a woman who was decades younger than him that he'd only met once. and that was what the story was about. genuinely reading it like ...IF NOT FOR THE LAWS OF TIME FYODOR U WOULD LOOOOVEEEE MOBILE GACHA... he would be a yae miko stannie or whatever.

anyway. two accessory things of note, (1) allegedly dostoevksy was more or less conservative re/his views et all, because he believed in russian orthodoxy, but obviously to the west, due to his criticisms of the catholic?church he comes off less conservative but idk, this is again from a reddit comment i will have to read more to know but also idk if i'm interested like that. he was also living an amazing life where he would simply just um be writing from deadline to deadline and he never had enough money and he was juggling eight different mouths and he was emotionally or spiritually cheating on his wife and his dreams and motions were huge flops but at least he was a slayful novelist! which did not matter because he was always gambling away any and all money he had and therefore he could write this story where everyone falls into destitution and delusion because all they have is gambling. the second note is that everyone thinks dostoevsky is more or less sexist, which is so funny, to me, because yah obviously none of his women are agents in a story so much as objects of infatuation or more commonly irritation, but also: he writes women the exact same way he writes men, which makes me laugh and doesn't make me despair at how he hates women because he doesn't really. he's just ... a man.

NOTES OF A CROCODILE
so the very first page has an author biography and I read it and then I made my roommate read it and then we both like, laughed, in an uncomfortable and pained way because um, of course. anyway, it very much set the tone of the book. nico said that they liked it but it was a little painful and depressing! and I think i liked it too, mostly. a lot of it reads like someone has made a novel about all the assorted east asian movie still/frames/quotes tumblr posts you see, which makes sense due to it being a 80s/90s literary relic from taiwan. some of it was moving, I particularly enjoyed the main rhetorical device, which was the crocodile metaphor as outsiderism/genderfuckery/et all, and the section where the narrator describes the woman they are living with...and she describes all the pitfalls and weaknesses of her character and provides the full psychological profile... it was very gripping I'M SO SORRY THE NAME IS FAILING TO COME TO ME... otherwise very quotable book, I'm not sure I got anything out of it other than it being very moody and trying to encompass a certain kind of depth of thought and aimlessness of having to live a life that you don't want and don't know what to do with. idk i think it's books like this that make you understand the want/importance to be 'one's most authentic self' more so than any pride pin or what have you.... also the writing is a mix of very contemporary but also sometimes lyrical but also easy to read... this is more or less my first taiwanese novel, and anything else I read that's been translated from chinese has been danmei LOL so in many ways it was much more accessible for the american psyche than other stuff. sorry i really did not have a lot to say about this one ;-; 

NORMAL PEOPLE
it must be said I knew I would like this and it also must be said that while I like sally rooney on a personal level, I do not respect the regard and popularity and celebrity she's garnered. like ummm... how to say... kind of made me realise in many ways one truly has to be a little mediocre in order to be popular. and while i don't like that, this is the stage of worldwide reading comprehension we are at rn. in any case, everything i liked about normal people the book is better represented in the show, and i really do think sally rooney is better at script writing than prose writing, but every now and then she'll have a moment in her book where she'll meander and describe a road or room or something about the setting rather than her characters internals/externals, and it'll be, idk, oddly fanfiction-y almost in how out-of-place it is. like an afterthought where she's been reminded that she shouldn't have empty room syndrome lol. which is not a real thing btw. 

anyway I do not think I can get into my extended sally rooney rant rn, but it's umm soo crazy, because I went back to read some of the sex scenes of beautiful world bc i remember them making me so uncomfortable the first time around but this time around, i realised they were a lot softer? than i thought. like literally.... i was kindof promised D/s and there wasn't even D/s for babies... which is fine. i don't care that much. anyway I would never recommend anyone read any sally rooney unless u can truly appreciate the one thing she does really well because u will just hate her and not like it and assign her as one of the many milennial white women writing about whiteness which is not fair. at least I don't think so. like, real white women writing whiteness is much more annoying. i know because I'm reading boy parts rn. 

CROOKED LINE
literally uhhh imagine me discovering ismat chungtai in my partition literature search and then learning about the blanket, and then aris tells me about this being a book that changed my life, and then THIS BEING LIKE EVEN MOREEEE CRAZY THAN THE BLANKET X100000000... anyway. she suffers from short story writing disease like many authors, due to some of her chapters reading like a collection of different stories/happenings from the life of one woman rather than an actual novel, at points, but it was still soooo enjoyable, chughtai was obviously so modern but obviously sooo of her time, and more importantly she was sooooooooo coy... and you can read it so clearly in her writing, like she's known for her satire and also, like this deadpan sort of sarcasm or whatever. where you know, she's never going to tell you what she actually thinks, but also you're dumb as shit to take her at face value, which u will do, because she is a woman. kind-of a terrible thought, but this was doing normal people in the 1940s way before sally rooney was even decided to exist, in that, you have a narrator who is convinced she is unloveable and there is something fundamentally wrong with her except obviously this is coming from an indian muslim woman from the subcontinent. but also literally so faaaacking funny that the book ends with her romance with an irishman. and then her decision to get an abortion. which was the only righteous way for it to end, imo. though uh, the ending is very open-ended. anyway the foreword was literally so beautiful in that the book was describing shamman as a crooked line herself, refusing to bend the way society dictates her too. LITERALLY SUCH A GOOD BOOK... it sort of makes me giddy just to think about, due to how groundbreaking it is in my mind likeeee sooo much homoerotic sexual exploration happening between women, and then they're expected to hang out with men and make lives with them, and they do, but the men never even matter, not really, IDK.... LITERALLY BEAUTIFUL GROUNDBREAKING NOVEL OF ALL TIME TO PROVE THAT EVEN IN A SOCIETY WHERE THEY ARE DEEPLY SUBJUGATED BY MEN WOMEN STILL HAVE AGENCY AND IF NOTHING ELSE CONTROL OVER THEIR OWN THOUGHTS... lovely incredible wonderful showstopping book. 

THE LAST SAMURAI
sorry lin for only reading the last samurai ummmm .... so many years after u first told me about it. HOWEVER. it was so good it was so worth it helen dewitt U SLAYEDDD... i love sitting down to write these reviews because I forget literally everything i could ever think or say. ummm literally incredible novel about loving ur mom and both of u being bored geniuses, and the book of ADHD personified ever like wow.... the moment where you're in the middle of a section and ludo breaks it, wonderful lovely book. incredible amazing moment. probably will live in my mind forever. I think there's some fair criticism about why is the novel trying to imitate film/audiovisual medium/etcka etcka but I was reading the back cover, where a critic describes it as a 'new kind of novel. a breakthrough in the genre' and I don't know that I agree still, but I think, obviously what makes a good novel so different from a normal novel is when the structure can imitate the content, like this is a book that is constantly interrupting itself and that in and of itself, is soooo good!!! anyway i really dk if it's never been done before, but I think it's good at capturing the scattered mind... someone wrote something about it being about the male father figure and masculinity or whatever, but I don't know if i agree with that at all, like obviously half the book is him searching for a father, or rather, screening men as possible fathers, but it's not for the sake of Having A Dad, it's to the end of relieving his mother some of this burden of parenting. i genuinely did find some of the commentary on how children are one of the classes that have the least rights/freedoms really interesting. as well as, just the thing in the beginning about how constraining writing to one language is to strip it of all further dimensions, bc obviously reading is so much of a mental thing, but the most important thing about a sentence is how it sounds or how it Reads and english is soooo limited with syllables and context and meaning... not a beautiful or conveying language at all... anyway. one of the books about everything ever. and I really did think I would hate it once it became about the little boy! 

KIM JIYOUNG, BORN 1982
the end of this where you realise this is case notes from a male psychologist and he speaks a little of his wife and then his colleague who is leaving work, and it just ends in that very note of dismissal and ignorance that precipitates kim jiyoung's breakdown. i read this just as the nth room 2 news was breaking, and it was genuinely horrific to be so constantly and persistently reminded about how awful it is for women. idk. again this sounds so trite but I don't know what else to say. i think i live in such a bubble, really. i don't think i've ever been against sexism in such a sharp hard way as this. anyway, the rate of sex crimes and sexual harassment/related incidents are so high in korea, and it just got me thinking about the american influence versus the developing social stigma, and so you have conservatism regarding gender roles and roles of women et all, but also, this complete looseness of sexual degeneracy. like attitudes towards women are very similar in the south/islamic countries, but sexual abuse/crimes are obviously a lot more hidden and happen more in the marital sphere? i would garner. like, the very controversial bangla law where if a man rapes a village girl, he has to marry her. there's some nuance to that one. but, generally, this cultural thing where the nature of sexual degeneracy changes depending on the social conditions of the country right. anyway, this is sort of baby's first book on feminism, and it covers a lot of things in various realms with a pointblankness that makes it both easier and harder to swallow.

THE IDIOT
this is the elif batuman novel. anyway, noura was begging me to read boy parts due to her own parasocial rs with eliza clarke and i was like, ok, well since i hate the idea of reading it and have prejudice against it i will read it along with this other novel i also hate the idea of reading and have prejudice against (...) anyway, neither were available at my uni library so i resigned myself to reading them on my phone, and then I read the first page of both and realised I would immediately like the idiot so much more. so i read it first, to stave off the misery from boy parts. AND IT WAS SO GOOD. kind of the girlautism novel written with ME in mind... im sure many other young women have said that but truly due to the sexless nature of the romance and the asexual representation and the >Nothing Happens They Both Leave ... i was so gagged... bc everyone mentions this along with normal people as a Campus novel, and ig a lot of campus novels are so about sex so for something to be so popular and focus so much on the absence of sex as well as just, the narrator herself, selin, always being like 'why does he hate meee' and then giving him the one word answers. and being like 'i love him so much' but you can't even tell from her actions until u read her write it out... it's soooo... LITERALLY SO PERFECT TO MEEE!!!

I was telling oomirl about this, and obviously I described it as a campus novel, due to that being it's principle setting, and she was like, 'you know i think i've matured out of those, i'm no longer in that period of my life' and i didn't say anything, but I didn't think the point was the campus or the romance, but i think it is very much about this search of/loss of identity.language and u could say, well that's literally every modernist/post modern novel everrrr... and Yes but no, obviously the campus/first yr harvard student thing comes in here because it is so painfully youthful and awkward in how selin is beginning to stumble on her very first legs, and I think, i don't know I just thought it was so good!!! i was so endeared!!! i have to say like 90% of my enjoyment of this book was her fixation on social convention and how much she disliked/could not understand it and then would say or do those things anyway, trying to seem 'normal' like it was soooo.... there was such a funny line where she's like 'i was lying about being unable to resist chocolate like everyone else does' and then a couple sections later, she wakes up in the middle of the night to sneak the chocolate she brought for other people. she was very endearing to me. also, out of every single book, i think this had the most decisive and impactful ending line. that made it SOOOO GOOD. and in her acknowledgement elif batuman shoutouts dostoevksy so cutely for letting her borrow his title. 

BRICK LANE
book that MY MOM and MY BROTHER have both read but I had never heard of. i tried to watch the movie after I finished but i could not take the britishism seriouslyyy... after reading 10489952385300 books about how intelligent academic scholarly women who understood the world or something deeper and also understood the ways the world wounds them, this was startling. i was genuinely so impressed about how, books do not have to be about smart women. and monica ali truly did go out of her way to write a book about a very simple woman, plucked from the village, who does not question any part of her life. it was painful at times, because of her passivity. her always eating by the sink in the dark, the way she doesn't protect her daughters. there is this one scene, where she and her youngest are in the kitchen, eating at the sink together, and pretending not to look at each other because they both can't bear it. INSANEEEE... my brother's criticism of this book was that 'it was written for white people' which i think is so patently ridiculous because i think half of this book is incomprehensible unless you're bengali and you've seen these living situations. especially, hasina's letters from bangladesh, like i don't think you can understand her situation at all and what's really happening beyond her descriptions unless you have had house help like that. you're like 'is this the sixpeenceee child maid situation' and I'm like yeah a little bit, but it is worse for an older woman. AND SHE WAS BARELY THIRTY. anyway. incredible book. really really really worth the read. also one of the best ending scenes possible.



uhhh...anyway, so I'm currently suffering through boy parts, am really trying to find the copy of the idiot my school library is convinced is on the shelf bc it seems like mandatory follow up reading for batuman, resurrection which is my parent's joint favourite book, am obviously tuned in for intermazzo, i will be trying to read some russian women, obviously i am also on the hunt for more subcontinental literature, ummm and I'm also thinking of raking through the kincaid archives. no i do not want to read anything published after 2005, thank u for understanding my endless disappointment with contemporary lit. sally rooney is literally my version of vaping or whatever.
fwcu: (renjuns<3)
boys of all time even...

in twitter3, there were some sentiments of like picking out a 5th gen bg to stan.... it's bg summer or whatever... and the options were looking like either zb1 or riize... and I'm Different, I'm Not Like Other Girls, I don't even wanna go to either of those places1, and so. instead, my beloved oomf nico who had been earthwind&fire posting overtime won the pr battle and BOYNEXTDOOR I WENT2 ...

IDK how to format this post... I feel like I'll do a reverse pyramid structure, I'll go general overview to ummm... specific member insights. I kind of also want to practice chicago notation so that's why there may be footnote overdose... please note that you need to have the footnotes tab open for the back/forth to work...so it might be a little rough for a bit so please bear with me. anyway. this is kind-of initial first impressions. I'm super culpable to being wrong about like, all of this even. ANYWAY.

DOPPLEGANGER ALLEGATIONS
we literally have to get this out of the way. okay half of these guys literally do remind me idols I have loved before and/or have not loved but maybe appreciated even... and it's better because I actually like them :D
jaehyun
> jungkoo, karina, shotaro
  • ...okay recently I discovered that my type for the past year-ish or so has been PREY ANIMAL, and I literally love guys with big boba ball eyes and mouthpouch and general weak prey animal demeanours, weak chin is a plus even...and sooo
  • he and karina are kind of both top-half heavy wrt to their face, and seem to be made from the same jawless mouse in that they are both sooooo skittish and scared of everything... Very Very Cute
  • litr if u are a Real Jungkook fan, like if u were there in the jeongguk ao3 days... if u were there for run and had watched their super early era bangtan bombs and stages... THE BABY JUNGKOO RESEMBLANCE GOES CRAZYYYY... admittedly he really is not giving more jawful super recent jungkook, but back when they had 3 dollars and a hair straightener... the like wide-eyes/boyishness/innocence/randomly emo 'hip-hop' styling3 goes crazy... it also has to be babyjungkook because they have the same babyish energy....
  • he is litr, TO ME, shotaro if he slayed. they both have slightly spaced out tareme which is soooo cuuuteeee even.... straight nose, upturned mouth IDK... this is deffo not an unfounded comparison but idgaf about shotaro like that even...
taesan > sunghoon, lino, hwang minhyun even...
  • oomirl (MY FRIEND EVEN...MY BEST FRIEND) was telling me about how hybe stans stole the uhhh, jaejoong clone joke from sm fans and were saying that hybe keeps debuting the same 3 guys, and it seriously must be said this guy is sunghoon face sooooo much... but pre-nose job even which is making it possible to enjoy his visuals so much more...
  • mich pointed out that he was giving lino and I didn't suuuper see it or agree4 ...but then I literally um started watching their vids and he was giving lino so muchhhhh in terms of general demeanour and vibe, like my guy is like 1:1 with the uncanny staring and focus and weird-yet-charming-kind-of standoffishness likeeeeeeee Ok, all cat types are the same We Get It...
  • hwang minhyun makes this cut bc they truly have the same serious blankface upfronted energy when observed from some angles
woonhak > kihyun, eric even
  • okay u have to understand I first saw him with the mahogany hair and if you were ever an early days mx fan... it was literally IMMEDIATE synapse connection but litr. it was >AND THIS GUY IS LIT. KIHYUNS I HAVE LOVED BEFORE…
  • and then I was watching their stuff, and he was like similar to like ummm, eric out of general somewhat buffoonish boyishness but in a really specific childlike naïveté way even…overall very cute huge recommend even...
I think from some angles riwoo is somewhat like ikon jinhwan.. AND I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD BE EASIER TO SEE IF THEY DIDN'T KEEP GIVING HIM SUCH FUCK ASS HAIRCUTS... but he's got the same small stature/build with like cutie-delicate boy face... idk like he literally dodged the bullet of being the designated little boy styling member of the group because they keep ignoring his beautiful delicate visual potential.... in the end it's um... Count Your Fucking Days KOZ...


OVERALL VIBE CHECK

very cute group I Like Them... it kind of must be said like smaller/nugu company rookies?groups? are always kind of refreshing in how... um... open?candid?straightforward? they are... it might also just be like a generational thing, or honestly, I'm surprised at every idol ever being upfront about things due to ummmm having internalised the constant orwellian messaging of [THIS IS ALL AN ACT] [AND THEY HAVE TO PRESENT THE BEST IMAGE ALWAYS] .... 
ANYWAY, it might also be the zico-trickle-down effect, but bnd are quite uncagey and not camera-unaware but camera-unaffected... some of this is to them still finding it novel and New rather than ummmmmmm invasive and Labourious... but I think it stands out with them because they're very friendly with each other in more of a friend-group-like way rather than stockholm'd coworkers who are familial or otherwise... this is genuinely a sentiment that shows up in their yt comments, and I find myself agreeing with. though it might be out of [newness] rather than anything else... and this isn't even to say that they're super close or they really like each other, but they're a very normal, recognisable kind of like school-group friendly with each other which makes sense bc they're all so close in age and also like. they have beautifully complimenting personalities FOR REAL!!!5

so the group make-up is like 2 ENFPs (always good), 2 guys who are quiet, and 2 guys who love to keep the peace... having two extroverted friendly members everyone likes is always good, I Think Personally, because if nothing else their shared love for woonhak is always letting them get along, along with their shared troubles with jaehyun's like, gross flirty tendencies, is always allowing them to bond over bullying BOTH of them... nothing like a beloved victim to keep the peace <3  (...) but uhhh more on this, riwoo and leehan, and taesan(sometimes) are all on the quieter side, but while riwoo is litr kind-of normal bystander type where he tries to join if he has something to say but is otherwise content to observe... but TAESAN IS A PROBLEM... and it's so beautiful kind-of honestly... they describe him as someone 'who likes to do his own thing' and this is obviously undoubtedly true. literally beautiful standoffish problematic black cat of the world... and he was the artistic emo,alt,rock-pilled goth of the group too... and then sungho and leehan are the guys who love to keep the peace. this is legit how they describe sungho, and I'm extending the sentiment onto leehan because even when he's teasing, he's always doing in a positive, affectionate way even... also he is genuinely so unbothered and unaffected all the time, litr always giving the impression of having zoned out, despite being zoned in, it's kind of beautiful...  

ANYWAY, all in all, they're really not that awkward with each other, nor the camera, (...) this doesn't make them Entertaining per se... I definitely stuck it out through a couple of boring videos until I liked them enough to start enjoying the content... they're really not as funny as txt, but they're not like, Not worth the watch either. they are not like, fanservice gaybait-pilled in that very like, aware, way a lot of groups do now... WHICH IS NICE. I HATEEEE HAVING TO SIT THROUGH FORCED SKINSHIP LIKE NO ONE IS ENJOYING THIS PLEASEEEE... LITR JUST BE FRIENDS OR BE NORMALLLL... like mjh is like extremely umm... Like That...but it seems natural as opposed to he's trying to get shippable gifable moment6... part of the boringness comes from the lack of dynamics, in that they are really just Normal Guy Friends they play fifa, they listen to music, they leave each other alone and not alone... the dynamics are genuinely hardcarried by woonhak being beloved maknae and myungtae being obsessed with him... but you know, once you realise that, and you keep an eye out for it... um. let's just say it's an area of study that has barely been scratched at even... the other thing I think is ummm genuinely interesting is how Taesan is So Like That... it's kind-of agreed upon7 that leehan has autistic rizz but I want to posit that whatever taesan has is the Opposite of that... Babygirl U are so Disagreeable and Nightmareish-levels-of-T-pilled with ur group members yet weirdly angelic and perfectly kpopdol-like with ur fans We need to figure out what is going onnn... other than that um, woonhak is always getting yelled at or teased and it's super super cute and funny because he's always reacting despite knowing it's for the shits.... seriously sooooo cuuuuteee... I know this is the part where I bring up the last member of interest but um. WME.

I think the thing you have to internalise and always keep at the forefront of your mind when you watch BND is that they are a ZICO-project... and it's kind of like, if you know anything zico everything about bnd makes so much sense and also if u know anything about bnd, everything about zico makes so much sense... literally 2-way mirror situation here... I kind-of think what's most damning about this is that, taesan despite being the [2nd] most talented member, and The Most Visual, and the oldest trainee (7 years!!! [though apparently not at koz, and sungho is the oldest KOZ trainee it's kinda...]), jaehyun who joined last was ended up as the face of the group, and kind-of the main character... AND IT'S LITERALLYYY BECAUSE HE'S LIKE, THEEEE CHOSEN SPIRITUAL ZICO SUCCESSOR... anyway. just something a little funny to think about... just some light narcissism happening in the background there... the zico/koz complexes are kind of really funny and sometimes blatantly there and sometimes not so much... like truly the zico/blockb influences kind of sooo potent, and I feel like I'm maybe delusionally seeing things but I swearrrr it's in the vibes. it's in the song/singing/perf style... it's in the group make-up down to the mostly average visuals and very brazen(?)(confident?) stagesonas, the solid talent even though it's not totally outstanding... obviously in the visual aesthetic.. kind-of really beautiful as a blockb and zicofan to see like such blatant successors.

OH. and in that vein of thought. they are the True Nepo Babies of kpop to me LOL... like yeahb yeah yeah big3/big company/produce privileges exist and are a huge boost, but that's not nepotism, not really. on the other hand, if you have zico calling literally all of his idol contacts in the industry to get these guys to be on every show and/or get every person ever to do a tiktok challenge with them... LOL... along with that, they're under a hybe sub-label(?) but like, blatantly getting to abuse that... there's this whole clip of jungkook watching them on vlive and showing off their album CTFUUU, and obviously, they are always zico namedropping and having zico's name be dropped on them. it's just FUNNYYYY... and all of this yet you're still low-to-mid-tier popularity? we have to work harder u guys....


TALENTS/DISCOGRAPHY/THE MYTH OF SELF-PRODUCTION
I Think They Are Good. and Quite Good even. OK THANK YOU.7*
okay firstly I will talk about their lyrics... which I think are very endearing and cute in that 'youthful'? way, where reading them you can tell both that they have a passion and also they're young and unpolished but the ability is there...! Idk, I think the zico influence is soooo clear, obviously it would be, but it's also like...I don't know, touching? the way they talk about their influences or where they draw the lyrics from. taesan in his weverse interview mentioned that leehan wanted a great gatsby vibe, and so he looked that up and tried to figure out how to incorporate that into the lyrics of l i f e i s c o o l, and then somehow ELVIS was there and all of that ended up in the final product and it was just like, really refreshing to get such a recognisable?regard for intertextuality as a source/method for inspiration and writing. in the same way, he said earlier that he listens to a lot of like classic rock because he thinks it's important to learn from the greats... IDK, I like guys who take their crafts seriously and are being taught and choosing to learn even in this era of kpop groups who want self-produced/self-written valour but are getting 0 notes on how to do it or what angle to approach it from...

also in their weverse interviews, and generally when they talk about song-writing there's this really, lovely, organic? fun quality to it? where they're having like blue-sky esque song-writing sessions and seeing what's fun or not, and ... I don't know, reading and hearing about it has this very light-hearted approach? where they're encouraged to Try and do what they think is good and will make the performance fun and engaging for them, as opposed to being held to this Super Serious standard (...) and I think genuinely, this is how it should be!!! I feel like there's a really good foundation/base being built here! and this silly, fun, lightheartedness is really prominent in their songs in a way, where you're like, Yeah, A band of young kids wrote this! like, the ending of serenade being this awkward but funny and charming even line of like 'I'll get along with your dad for you' LIKE YOU ARE SOOOOOO 19....!!! and it's great!!! and then earthwindfire with it's 'babyboosweetiedarlingthinkiloveyoumore' 2x speed line is sooooo... IDK IT'S SO CUTE AND FRESH AND LIKE YOU GUYS AREEEE GENZ LYRICISTS OF ALL TIME... like the more publicly acceptable, less fortnitegamerpilled version of the tiktok rizz song even... I think it's cute and fresh and really nice to see. anyway all of this follows their whole 'boynextdoor' casualness, 'mundane' concept even...

I have no particular fondness for idol-rappers, but I think jaehyun is probably like, in the 10% of idolrappers even... he is soooooo crazy idolrapper-pilled like  I think I would be really interested in um, I don't know, I guess what he could do without the constraints of 'idol-style rapping'? because then I would have more of an opinion on it... also he is literally exyg trainee and you can spot that from miles away8. but imo the craziest part is that he's literally so good at singing so like... WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HEREEEE... once again this can only be the fault of ZICO.!

okay I am kind-of over kpop talent discourse9. on the other hand, I was genuinely surprised (esp in light of lessera gate) when they were suuuper stable during encores. I think 4th gen was kind-of built around this concept of like, if you have 1.5-2 aces, the rest of the group can be shit/visuals... and it's not badddd... like it certainly works for certain groups ... everyone eventually learns and gets better. but it is refreshing to see a group have a grip on the basics from the start, is what I will say.

I think they seem maybe more talented than they are?because they're very consistent and very good at their sound. it's kind of clear they don't have sm style slay vocal ranges, and are, like most kpop groups, good at the dancing bit [as they have to be], but what they are very good at is like, this fun and engaging stage presence and maintaining that sort-of atmosphere throughout. it works for the concepts they do, and is a more reachable bar for them and their style than say a heavy dark concept would've been or an overblown light/cutesy one....  I think the other contributing they are really well-matched in terms of ability, therefore you're not annoyed at like, any obvious talent disparities as soon as the verse changes LOL....10

um. OKAY i can talk about the fun stuff now. I think it's like JAEHYUN > TAESAN > WOONHAK >= LEEHAN, SUNGHO, RIWOO (...) obviously feel free to disagree or argue, it's just my impression. but yeah! I think obviously haksanjae are the standouts of the group because they're the best on stage... all three of them are like very engaging on stage, both able to sing and rap (and do both more than just decently!) [...] obviously sungho and leehan have better vocal ranges, and leehan specifically has a really nice and somewhat unique vocal colour within the group [the rest of them all have block/yg-esque slightly nasal tang] ... riwoo is obviously The Main Dancer and he's a good singer too... LIKE I MEAN ITTTT WHEN I SAY THEY'RE VERY WELL-MATCHED... it's just that the latter three are less brazen(?)/outstanding on stage. toned down even. idk if it's like leehan/sungho/riwoo are your average seasoned idol on-stage, then jaehyun/taesan/woonhyuk have that like, very brazen confidence that I kind-of think as like a classic yg-staple... wme...

I think what gives jaehyun the most edge is that he's like very attentive with expressions and is always like begging for attention even... he's also always approaching his ad-libs and moments with like this unashamed unabashed bursting(?) confidence... bro he would be so good in schoolrapper or something similar...   liiiike there is a reason he's the face of the group/main character/etc even when he's not getting lines or centertime IDK... maybe I'm crazy but I don't think I am, I feel like it's always pretty obvious which member the group is meant to showcase...

in saying that. the guy who they're also doing that with is TAESAN... he's kind of the clear 'ace' of the group... which is funny and giving delicious dynamics of all time when you realise mjh is um... better than him. BUT THAT'S ENTIRELY BECAUSE OF EXTRAVERSION AND BEING MORE LIKE ZICO... what's really fun about taesan is that his influences and roots in the pop-punk/rock scene show up sooooo much in how he performs... like it's such a Of Courseeeee Your favourite band is MCR, ofc you actually listen to nirvana and the carpenters, etc, likeeeee Yeah You are BABY rockstar... and this is obviously also evident in his lyricism/delivery... idk it's really fun and again, like kind-of wonderful to see it manifest so apparently... :D

anyway. woonhak kind of the jeongin cutiebabymaknae appeal except... he's much more stable and talented and able to seize it instead of just having it be like, somewhat unintentional. I think he also has sooo much energy and this is what gives him that edge againnnnn.... like wk/jh are both really energetic so it's really fun to watch... I think you could maybe make the argument that if they weren't doing such fun/cutesy/refreshing concepts than maybe woonhak would fall off a little bit... but I don't think sooo... I think he's really good especially when u think about how youngggg he is like omg guys he's babyyyyy...11

I feel like I didn't have any last notes.. sorry in the middle of writing this I got so distracted and watched 10million stages and now IDK what I was saying... um in the my only note is that they've had some really fun styling moments... for example I really liked the safari chic of these ewf outfits [with jh randomly giving ...DUNE], the hot summer outfits were Inspired (...), obviously very on-trend patterns and textures here ... okay I can't find it rn (EDIT: taesan's HEART pants!!!!), but generally they have some very interesting pants/patterns/cardigans and I Enjoy seeing it. and this is me being a pervert but I LOVE BOY KNEE AND LEGS... randomly feeling like this group esp is so suited for wearing shorts because they have such a boyish image and so it's like idk extra delightful because it's a strange level of perverted, like free shota but appropriate even IDK. like the same effect of sexified schoolgirl outfit12. ANYWAY. FIN.

I feel like I said nothing despite saying so much... umm... my bad </3... OH... my last final notes on self-production, I genuinely think having such an involved mentor in zico (also... genuinely, despite his multiple crimes, one of the Greats of kpop production) is The Way to go... also I'm re-listening to some block b to like make sure I'm kind of on the money ... and ohhhh my goddddddd Of Course They Sound Like That.... literally such a specific vocal direction style... :D


BIAS SORTER
  1. ... ...CAN WE PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT OF SILENCE TO PRAY FOR ME EVEN?13
  2. TAESANNNNKITTYYYY
  3. leehan, woonhak
  4. sungho
  5. riwoo
(...) I feel like this is pretty on-par/on-brand for me... idiotbabypuppy ... beautiful guy with no personality ... uhh before I started watching, woonhak was very solidly in FaveLine because ummmm, what can I say I'm literally not immune to cutieness like... I'll get gotten for free... leehan is kind-of surprising, in that I really had nothing to say other than... 'Huh... What a weirdo...' but what can I say, it's grown on me, I like how he's just slightly strange always. sungho is ranking over riwoo just because he talks more. I kind-of have nooooooo impression of riwoo at allllll.... umm I guess I can talk about everyone else's impressions here because obviously... as is my style.. THE FUCKASS DOG WILL BE GETTING AN INSANELY LONG TAB FOR HIMSELF.... Anyway.

TAESAN
  • >literally my babyboosweetiedarling love you more!more!!more!!!
  • he is NOT a beautiful guy with no personality btw he is a beautiful guy who is kind of quiet and not very expressionful and somewhat stoic and that is making it seem like his personality [very direct and cute and streamlined to be focused on the things he likes/goals he has] is boring... IT'S NOTTT... it's like umm surface u think is opaque is actually translucent upon closer examination... if anything his personality is very straightforward...which lends itself to be kind-of plain maybe... but not reallyyyy....
  • I kind-of didn't even realise I liked him so much until I saw this clip and it made me SQUEEEEEE.......  he's literallyyyy soo grumpy cat of all time ever... AND HE ISN'T EVEN GRUMPY...!!! he's just like randomly stoic-seeming and so cute about it... idk...
  • um he is extremely inscrutable to me... but also I'm under the impression he is literally leeknow and that's his whole thing...
  • well he's not um inscrutable it's just that he is always doing things in the most inscrutable way possible like... HAN TAESAN WHAT IS THIS!!!! ...tl;dr - mjh bangs his hand on a ledge, ts is like making fun of him the entireeee time but also covering up that corner with his hand and pressing down on it so mjh doesn't bump into it again even though it's kind-of like a moot-thing.... but also it is the cutest thing in the world too!!! he's just sooooooo... y'know? ...that kind of vibe...
  • I think he has, in the very kpop way, an 'artistic soul' which is also like, the tiktok ver of being a bisexual girl with a boyfriend, and he is both the boyfriend and the bisexual girl at the same timeeeee...!!!14 is that a good way to sum up his surface level interests and vibes in one go? no? welllll... his interests, which are genuine and true surely, are also like extremely 'aesthetic' which both adds to the image and makes everything you learn about him a >Yeah, That's Exactly What I Thought You Would Say.
  • genuinely I was so surprised that I hadn't run into an fob or atl reference from him or any of his members and then it turns out they sang atl time bomb during a karaoke one-off... LITERALLY WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WOULD DO!!!15
  • he's literally always like 'i'm so cold on the surface but actually i'm a loverboy even...' which I don't think is true. i literally don't think this is that true. WELL. I think he cares really deeply, but I think the more he likes someone the sharper his claws get as opposed to being ummmmmmm uncaring... he is kind-of the exact guy who the quote 'the opposite of love is indifference' is made for... 
  • ^^^and this is literally corroborated by him being the Prankster Jokes Member of all time he is literally always enacting emotional terror and damage onto everyone....
  • and also he Is A Maidennnnn ... [+ mjh making fun of him]
  • he has this really cute habit of always like... taking pics or videos [with him being the member that has the most photos of everyone] and this has led to Some Mishaps even... I think he is a little more [emotionally?] airheaded than his initial sharpness makes him seem... but all of that is part of taesan's cute image gap...
  • ANDDDD on top of all of that he is saauuuurrrrr beautiful and everyone died... finally a group where I can enjoy enhypen sunghoon visual without having to see enhypen.... <3  ...
  • i genuinely always laugh when i see him in but sometimes or just debut era bc the fuckass haircut was actively ruining his image even.. on the other hand the bleached blonde stripes + slight mullet is literallyyyyy giving everything like yesssschhh this is exactly the kind-of rockstar look you are always trying to emulate and beeeee.... idk it suits him so much <3
  • but his hair is naturally brown? so 1. I want to see it sooooo bad... but 2. this is litr really sad news for a guy who is a natural ravenette... like naurrr wayyyyy babe ur gothgf black cat aesthetic....
  • oh. he also has a really cute habit of gaysitting... which as we all know is like vernacular for being crosslegged on couches and or sitting on the arms instead of on the cushions... he's just very cute in those moments like lvl8000 moe charm to the maxxxx....
  • idk if I need to get into his like hs tiktok/self-prod song lore... mostly it's like YEAH... YOU REALLY ARE ARTIST WHO'S PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS... also he was such a cute high schooler... does that make me sound perverted? listen I don't mean it in any way other than my lovely baby taesannnn...
  • he kind of is so uncaring it's making him have no complexes in my eyes and heart but he definitely has umm... how to say... well it's clear that his dad had a huge role in shaping his taste and approach towards music... from the few interviews I've read, he speaks with a kind-of reverence almost? idk one of the biggest draws for me issss how serious it is for him... IDK I LOVE WHEN GUYS ARE PASSIONATE.... 
  • ohhhh... and he has some of the best proportions I've ever seen imo like his lankiness works so well with his energy and general vibe like everything is getting an A*** from meeee... finally a tallguy who is not at a loss for what to do with his limbs.... 
leehan
  • theeee fragile sickly dainty time-slipped victorian maiden of all time ever to meeeee... I was wondering, for the sake of a thought experiment, who the girl of the group was... and the answer was leehan due to him being The Maiden Sent To The Seaside... his eccentric fixations... the fact that you really could replace any austen protag with him and it would work... as mentioned previously he is giving autistic rizz too so in the end... We Love U Leehan<3 ... anyway I also saw this clip and it's literally like Oh Okay this is two women flirting Like I Understand Everything *frank ocean vc* my guy pretty like a girl
  • he's soooo much more nicer in his bluntness/quietness than taesan WHICH I'VE MENTIONED ALREADY... but it seriously is like he will be more strange in his random quips or actions, but always in a beautiful harmless fun silly jokes way<3 
  • oh... he and mjh are the most cuddly I think of the group.... leehan is literally always trying to be horizontal ngl and if not he is hugging a pillow... just like mjh!!! 
  • I kind of have so little to say because I have no other impressions of him... ummm riwoo's and his room set-up was so evil ngl I'm glad they've moved out idk how they lived like that .... though it was soooo cuuuuuteeee when he was like >I Miss Riwoo and then got sulky when riwoo didn't respond to his affections like YOUUUUUU ARE LITERALLY SENSITIVE MISS SEASIDE MAIDEN....     this part from this singles magazine? thing was sooo........... IT'S SOOOO CUUUTEEEEE LEEHAN DRAGGED MJH INTO THE BATHTUB SO THEY COULD HAVE SECRETIVE SPILL SESSION IN THERE... and then it ended in betrayal and disagreement anyway but this part was sooo cuuuteeee and schoolgirlsshoujoofalltimeever to meee.... also him saying  'i like fish because their blank eyes contain no evil' babygrrrlll you are sooo strange even... umm litr was dying at him wanting jaejoong to be his gf so bad like danggggg... okayyyyyy... jaejoong please calm down.....
woonhak
  • woonhak would kind-of be idiotbaby of the group but is saved by there actually being a worse, more idiot, more baby of the group.... and instead he gets to seem like slightly over-zealous excitable member who is cute and thoughtful and Not Causing Problems.... I kind of am under the impression that he is the axis that bnd kind-of revolves around bc if they have nothing to say to each other, they will Always Always have something to say about WOONHAK... because he ISSSS their cutieidiotbabie of all time everrrr...<3 <3 <3
  • like what is there to say! he's cute and charming and thoughtful and affectionate and endearing and excitable and reactive and mature enough and all of those in normal, well-received amounts that make him a very balanced and fun character!!! ...learning that he was an older sibling kind of blew my mind... learning that he was the baby of the group also blew my mind a little bit... since he is kind-of outstaging all of them sometimes...even...talented maknaes kind of cause me, an outside observer, so many problems... 
  • it's honestly really cute how everyone complains about him so much but then also enable literally everything they complain about like wahhhh uwahhhh uuuuwahhhhhhhhh..... he really is your baby soooo much .... though it kind of must suck to be in bnd and not gaf about woonhak like that but mjh and ts are so annoying about it that u kind of have to care... O WELL NOT MY PROBLEM...
  • ngl sometimes their group dynamics are giving ummm... if it's sungho's task to keep the train moving, it is WOONHAK's job to make sure mjh is not being a problem ctfuuu...MORE ON THIS LATER obvs...
riwoo
  • BND STYLIST WHEN I FUCKING GET YOU... we could literally be living in a universe where we are profitting off of cute dainty dollface riwoo styling and instead we live In A Society... whatever... I don't even care... he's literally soooo cuuute when they give him bangs and nice eyebrows what are we doing!!!! litr what!!! are !!! we !!! doing!!!!
  • he is the pun-master wordplayer lvl8000 linguistic chess player of all time ever like ... bro chill... kind of extremely funny that he will only speak if he's thought of a pun and or to say something mildly placating.... very cute...
  • he also has like slight clueless?energy which is cute but you truly could not leave him with a camera alone to fend for himself....SOME OF US HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!!!!
sungho
  • cat member the first? he's mostly no nonsense and sensible and the voice of reason... when he has bangs he's quite beautiful eve
  • um i have even less to say but it is funny that he and taesan both give the least amount of fucks and yet one of them is keeping the home together and letting them continue on As A Society and the other is tae: san... kind of beautiful he's avoiding the mom of the group allegations by being emotionally absent and ONLY neurotically clean... 
  • okay this man is obsessed with fifa... and unsuprisingly kind-of the most straightlaced? where he's always trying to keep the conversation going in a normal manner, commenting on how weird things are getting if he thinks they've deviated from whatever they're meant to be doing ... it's cute it's cuuuteee ... he is both attentive and As Susceptible To Getting Distracted as anyone else LOL <3
litr. sorry i had nothing to say about anyone except taesan...he's my perfect little cat... he's my goth gf that doesn't like anyone... he's everything even... everyone else is nice! very nice even!


THE MOE'EST MOE OF ALL TIME EVERRRR... NO.1 GUY WHO INVENTED BEING MOE...

GUYS LOOK AT MY FUCKING DOGGGGGGG......you have to understand this kpop boy got me sooooo bad... I was telling everyone on spacies that ummm I'm literally in my 'beautiful tier of mid-looking boys' era and you are free to agree or disagree but TO ME, mjh really is the latest iteration of that...

uh so truly the origin story of me going bnd Despite the >u gotta be bored out of ur mind< allegations [true] [litr not even false] was bc the ewf studio choom vid was showing up in my yt shorts and I didn't care. EXCEPT. the shorts with legwarmers outfit was SOOOOO CUUUUTEEEEEEEEEE and I liked it sooooo much and I think we should always be putting boygroups in legwarmers with shorts please please pleaseeeee..... anyway I was watching the vid like 'wow glad i don't know these guys bc i'd be so mad that my fave didn't get this outfit' ... little did op know....
  • ummm… it’s Not as serious as what was happening with beomgyu… it’s not Unserious either…actually maybe it is kind of serious...  ok um sorry to mich but like after months of having to witness jebo stealing puppy valour for like … being a dog but not even being a dog like he’s just a very nice boy like I like jebo more than a normal amount but like you can’t just be Called Dog and have good manners or wme like you need the desperation and clinginess and Not saying that jeno doesn’t have that he just tends to hide it pretty well or not have it be like his main personality trait… anyway all this to say… MYUNGPUPPY REALLY IS ONE OF THE DOGS OF ALL TIME … I guess also I literally love yappydogs more than goodestboys but also jaehyun is Both which is the platonic ideal of what a perfect DOG should be…. Hes literallyyyy puppyyy everyone calls him puppy especially taesan who is Always On That but literallyyyyy like even when beomgyu was yappy dogs, he wasn't thissss much of like an archetypical dog mostly because he was independent and spiffy. mjh is really really Not That... 
  • if beomgyu was the yappy variant of a hysterical girl ... and jeno is a very good boy ... myungjae is like um, straight up < always trying so hard to please > type where he's both like extremelyyyy tryhard and invigorated but also sooo clumsy and clueless ... he's like not self-aware enough, he's desperate af, he doesn't even know what he's doing half the time but his body is always responding anyway ... sometimes I look at him and I'm like omg... he's just Creature... he litr cannot keep still ever and he's sooooo distraction-pilled but he's also always doing his best to listen to instructions and be Good and in the end... he literally needs Constant Handling and Constant Pets and Constant um everything everrrr....
  • Um he kind of has very little complexes which makes sense because he is literally idiotbaby puppydog like uhhh literally why would he have problems that complicated even he cant comprehend that but...
  • he mentioned that he thought his impression would be 'bright immature and naive' and he was literally right... and then he did not correct anything in that statement other than 'I think I try to be brighter than I am so others won't worry' like Oh Okay so you agree with the idiotbaby allegations... but yes ofc u are exaggerating the act and overcompensating u r litr the Leader Member... TwT
  • Okay theres layers here though, because uh during unbelievable he was like ‘my superpower would be to calm people down’ because he gets scared when/if theyre mad at him and I was GONEEEE it was OVERRRR qnd then he was like ‘yeah I would simply suffer in silence and let myself get walked all over’ while taesan was right beside him going like ‘yeah idrgas’ LIKEEEE DANGGGGGGG
  • Ummmm ngl there are like normal amounts of insecurity that kind of peek through here and there but he is literally so well equipped to be dealing with it in that hes soooo beloved both by company and members No Matter What (...) also he's litr the most popular member+most booked/busy LOL...
  • turns out he was picked leader because he was the best at communicating and acting as a liasion between staff and members… Which is just a another beautiful thing but wait, the important moral to all of this is that he is ranked #6 in terms of status within the group and was ranked as the most teased/walked on member and it's soooooooo... it's not his fault he's kind-of perfect victim with way more obvious weakspots than wh.....
  • kind of theee mix of idols i've liked ever who should join the uhhh emotional support group for shygirls of ever.... and It makes me dieeeee but also is really cute like almost all of the time … he's also sooo easily startled like BROOOOO ... he needs to be under witness protection or custody or something omfg....  okay obviously he is also prone to like extreme and overexaggeration in some of his reaccs but also i do believe he feels everything at 200% intensity due this being his first life as a human having previously been a dog not to long ago even... 
  • i think he’s kind of not like kpop-goodlooking but he is so cute and charming and soulful and like Zico’s spiritual successor it alllll makes sense even … idk i really do feel truly that they kind of curated theeee perfect kpop uke of all time ever for meeeee bc hes not even that twinky hes also not really a jock or anything hes juuuust BOYBOYBOY of all time even… I think it's literally the gapmoe of like, his kind-of gruff really Boy Boy Boy casual way of talking and reacting versus like the cuteness overdoes of how he goes about all of his mannerisms... it's soooooo sauuuuurrrr... like sure mx jooheon did it also [and also block b themselves], but also, Not Like This exactly even... idk some of the difference is that he's Babie... but most of the difference is that i think it's a cross of him being young and him being sauuurrr coquettish in the end anyway... or idk maybe the only difference is that HE'S
  • he’s kind of like um… slutty is not the word for it but it kind of is.... it's like some cross between lascivious16 and slutty and flirtacious like he's all three and this is like Always on whether it's for stage or cameras or pics or weverse updates.... ngl it kind-of is off if he's being shy but then it's just true that umm How Do You Say, he legit mentions that he only flirts with people he likes!!!17
  • likeeeeee i don’t even think he’s that gay he’s just always flirting like that’s always On and never off and he went to allboys school his entire life so like who knows really ummmm… im not one of god’s sexuality detectives or truthers or anything I’m just like Danggggggggggggggggggg There’s No Way You’re Like This but also no way he’s not even…also one of the videos I linked was him with a fan... in fact have another one 1.THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN MEEEE, 2. it's awful he can be subtle about it too huh... though um, I also have a half-baked thought about how he doesn't know any fucking bg releases despite how new/old they are... v he can do a lot of new(?) ggdances quite accurately and with passion even... which is making me go hmmmm, so you only monitor ggs huh... or he could just straight up be gay whichever u want... 
  • idk his natural instinct to flirt all the time and also be pawing for attention from everybody but especially woonhak which is kind of giving >Why Is Your Emotional Support Chosen Boyfriend (one-sided) 16 Years Old Even? Like whyyyy did u imprint on a 16 yr old ctfuuuuuuuuu… 
  • he is kind of giving pathetic but extremely beloved ummmm theres this little montage of him making a mess and then sungho cleaning up after him a little while later that caused me TO DIE. As In I Died…. If u knew how I felt about BEING TAKEN CARE OF... but this is constantly happening with everyyyy member PLEEEK.... sungho 2, riwoo , taesan (2), leehan (2)  ... we will be here all day if I have to start linking woonhak litr performing the herculean labour of having to deal with mjh being Babie Just Trust Me Bro
  • ngl his most MOE trait is that he's a CRYBABY... guys I fucking loveeeee those.... like pleeeekkkkkkk.... okay words can't describe how much he is an emotional delicate fragile glass-hearted flower who has the constitution of tissue paper... like... my god...  okay um in this vlive his members come in half-way through to congratulate him and after that he's literally just GONEEEE... it's okay if you don't watch but he literally is holding riwoo's hand the entire time and being Extremely quiet and focusing only on tablet screen so he doesn't cry and then he goes around to hug everyone... like IT WAS SO OVERRRRR FOR HIM THE MINUTE THEY STEPPED IN.... he was litr like bawling without bawling... he tries so hard not to lose it the entire time but he's losing it regardless... and he kind of stops having vlive to have ummm crylive... and legit like 10mins?after they leave he pauses midvlive to send them a thank-you text.... YOU ARE SOOOOO TENDERHEARTED IT'S UNREALLLLLLLLL... sorry there are Literally No Words I Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee crybabies.... pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... pleaseeee I could link ummm every compilation I have seen of him crying but genuinely he just loses his shit at everything ... like he's cried every single time they won... he cried during a particularly sad performance... he cried when they debuted he cried when their staff thanked them he's litr just a guy who cries...    and it's so cuuuuteeeee to meeeeeeee MYUNG JAEHYUN U R SOOOO TENDERHEARTED OF ALL TIME EVERRRRR.... genuinely I was watching that vlive and losing it...feeling crazed and insane... he's not even a pretty crier but it was beautiful and everyone Died...
  • there's this clip where like... it's simply revealed that he's also the easiest dog to train ever... which kind-of goes back to him pre-empting and being scared of anger/rejection but essentially when they switched dorms and he [messy idiotbaby] and sungho [neat and tidy!] moved in tgt he just immediately changed his habits and was like 'please feel free to train me i'll listen well' you are sooooo dogs it's unreal...
  • okay I already said that he's so easily startled and shocked and scaredy cat like... the most recent iteration being this: f though that's also revealing of how much he wants ummm... subnae recognition soooo bad like... there's a bunch of stories where he's essentially the overeager rookie/dongsaeng who is trying sooo hard to idk impress svt hoshi..... and there's also this: https://youtu.be/ViEiu2mrcX4?si=lsxoLx0Lm9AvNrjk litr my cutieful embarrassing son who embarrasses me andddd his group but WITH LOVE EVEN…
  • ^I think is most representative of how he's shameless and confident and unbashful ... all interesting and lovely traits also... IDK it's kind-of the marklee thing where he can say the most cringe shit straightfaced because he Truly Believe 100% AlwaysOnThatGrind BeastMode Even... WTVS I LIKE IT IT'S CUTE... He Truly Believes So Much Even...
  • ummm icb i said he has no complexes when he is litr always so desparate and needful of attention and love and affection and pets... ig it's because he doles it out so easily too like it's very balanceddd in that sense... like this super recent ment where he highlights something every member has done for him...  he is seriously so full of love u guys...     yes most of the time it is full frontally directed at woonhak YES he loves everyone still also even... 
  • idk he is literally Dog... also um literally assigning him no.1 physical touch guy of all time... he is always trying to cuddle or hold hands or otherwise his body language is super attentive to whoever is speaking... ;_; literally soooooo cuuuuuteeeeee....
  • he also has some really cute habits ... the most obvious one is that his mouth will always tilt one way more and i think it's  usually to his left?so the viewer's right, which is the side of his face with the dimple... and he smiles and speaks and etcka with that tilt it's reallyyy cuuuuteee....    then, this is something he's done less frequently, bc it's not Great for the camera, but he'll throw his hands up to cover his face when he's shy or laughing/cackling and it's sauuur cuuuuteeee.... i mean this is not really a unique habit i know a few idols also do it but it's just cuuuute when he does it too okayyyy...  
  • Ok i think this is also somewhattt of an age thing but i looooveeeee when bgs act cutesy/r ok woth being cutesy its so like annoying when they refuse to do even the barest of aegyos so whenever myungjae is laying it on really thick im like WAAAAHHHHH this is so beautiful and everyone cried and he is sooooo moe and soooo cuuuteeee
I think I'm finally done speaking... I probably have more to say but we can save that for LATERERERERERRRR...


um disgusting cw IDK
Listen I’m really bad at looking lasciviously at my faves so I truly have the seize the moment when I am not asexually looking at everyone and just GET IT OUTTT
… in saying that ... MYUNGJAEHYUN is literally theeeee kpop uke of all time ever to meeeee WHY IS HE SO ,!£;&:!;&;;!!::£18 ... literally you are dog and 0 and uke of all time aaaaaaaand it’s just on a personal like basic trait makeup way like he’s just um He needs attention to live basically but different from the beomgyu way like this kid needs to be pet 247 and is always awaiting instructions and kind-of never knows what to do when he's meant to be in charge of a situation...  AND HE WAS LITERALLYYYY A CRYBABIE I LOVEEEE THOSEEEEE … i actually don’t know how this would factor into whatever it really didnt but now im like Ok if i think about it he would probably cry really easily at anything ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ngl obviously he wants to get manhandled i think he’s s even its just i think d/s would scare him and so would even like the lightest of s/m and most things along those veins ...HES A FRAGILE DELICATE LITTLE FLOWER OKAYYYYYY...

I kind of have nothing to say about everyone else WELL ACTUALLY I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY: TAESAN1, TAESANLEFT, HANDONGMINALPHADOMTOP, TAESANGONGNOSWITCHNREVERSE!!!  ...okay now I don't have anything else to say. sungho is 1 also but not as seriously. lh/rw are both um middling imo. and also my agendas kind-of not interested in what they're doing outside a very specific dynamic so really please do whatever u want... 


agendas
ummm ngl they made this bg out of my bl manga tastes kind of… like not well but the execution of something from my mind dreamscape really is there

taesan <> woonhak <> jaehyun
BRO DON’T ASK ME WHAT’S GOING ON HERE BECAUSE WHATEVER IS GOING ON… well I am investigating … kind of always giving THEEEE triangulation dynamics of all timeeeeee .... tj....myungtae... whatever the ship name is19... ...theyre obsesseddddd with this kid… which is funny because you can watch clips like this and come away totally feeling contrary but JUST TRUST MEEEEE.... 
okay, so to start off with ts and wh were the original besties who lived tgt at the company, and the mjh joined and lived on the upperfloor with them and they both became extremely close to him extremely fast (he was training with them for only a year?before they debuted...cwazy...) ... ts says that he became close with wh and jh the fastest, and something something, the Power of ENTPs... lawl.... I think something extremely cute and worth mentioning is TAESAN, litr theee black cattiest cat member of all time HAS A DOG and is a dog person!!!! like of courseeeee you are a huge fan of puppyline thennnnn... I think it's fair to say that these three are the closest among the group, just evidentially, but in terms of what they've actually said ... it seems mostly to be that ts<>woonhak are the closest and woonhak<>jaehyun are the closest...   but circumstantially... well you're ALREADY A TRIANGLE first of all, secondly, if You Have Eyes... well... it's easy to draw conclusions... 

so, taejae are (I think?) the biggest bnd ship... this checks totally and wholly on accounts of woonhak being A Babie, and also taesan being sauuur crazy beautiful and providing beautiful size difference20 and being perfect for semeification. but also. the interactions are there!!! please feel free to scroll through the qrts, but the interaction I will focus on is Taesan's Graduation...
tl;didn't click translate on every tweet in the thread... essentially...
>ts's parents couldn't make it to his hs grad
>mjh thought it was crazy sad and was like 'can i come instead then?' even though they both had work and were busy ;-;
>anyway he goes with ts to school, but there's about an hour before the ceremony starts so he's the only one there ...
>since everyone else was going to have their parents come, mjh wanted to look more like an adult and less like a 'hyung' so he wore a blazer [even though it was too cold for Just the blazer TwT] to make himself seem more mature ...
>he bought cake and flowers for ts, and waited at a coffee shop nearby for the entire hour
>then took photos for and with ts and said hi to all of his friends, and then they took photos together [BTW: ts has this thing where he won't try to take a good picture if he really wants to savour the moment and so they only have about 5~ selfies from that day] 
>then they go back to the company, taesan is like 'wait. where are the flowers you got me?' BECAUSE HE LOSTTTT them somewhere!!! [airhead!]
>mjh is sulks about it obviously because he'd used up the last of his cash to buy him those...
>ts then buys them jjangmyeon to make up for it. anyway.
>they debut, half a year later, it's going to be mjh's birthday soon and ts like, spends a few(?) weeks teasing that he will be uploading a photo that will be worth 1000w essentially and capture the essence of Everything and wow people... something like that!!!

anyway... if that wasn't ummmm Everyone Died and Blew'd Up enough... WOONHAK IS THERE TOO... not in the actual episode but when taesan is like teasing it during a weverse, there's this little side tangent where woonhak is like 'oh oh oh I know what it is' and ts is like 'no u don't' and he's like 'no no I know' because he's the in-house tj expert even... anyway really cute and funny and despite everything and nothing and how much he's seemingly sick of these two, he does need to be inserting himself into their business...

anyway, every single video you'll ever watch of bnd has jaehyun hanging off woonhak like a limpet and saying vague confessional statements about how woonhak is his everything...he loves woonhak sooo much...woonhak is the cutest of the world... ngl what was truly like harrowing and hurtful and killing even was the 2023 mama awards where mjh dedicated his perf to and wrote the lyrics for woonhak.... I was like 'wow it's terminal (joking)' before finding this out and instead it's like um... Holy Fuck Um...(serious, harrowing, people died) ... as for taesan, he is literally no.2 offender of Always Bringing Woonhak Up no matter How Unrelated woonhak is to the situation... ummm unfortunately there is not as beautiful and killing documentation for these two BUT   J U S T T R U S T M E it's real af.. also, and this could be my delusion from my mind where I made up taesan being mildly untouchy, but he is cuddly af with woonhak... and that's What Matters....21    ... WAIT MY ACTUAL REAL PROOF: TS USING THE GREETING DEMONSTRATION TO KISS WOONHAK LIKE 4 TIMES.... guys this one is actually so fucking cute everyone dieeddddd... which is so cute bc the rest of them don't even dooo it esp not woonhak when he answers it...

anyway... some more things to chew on re/... puppy^2cat... that's what I will be calling them in lieu of their 'official' unit name... okay I already linked one of these before but here's my perfect trifecta of puppy^2cat relay...
i'll be honest... if u didn't crylaughdie from cuteness overload u don't have a heart... or any emotional attachment to these guys ig... but I feel like it's showcasing all of their differences so cutely and lovingly... mjh slightly overbearing embarrassing presence taenyangie being grumpy cats of all time because he was extremely unprepared and did not like it... woonhak being initially caught offguard and mad at being called out for children's day but also being sauuurrr cute and receptive still... taesan catching woonhak and not letting him go... always so so cuteee... also this clip(again) where WH WILL NOT RUN AWAY FROM U BRO U CAN LET HIM GO!!!  stopppp they looooveeee him they love himmmm...

but also its really cute that all three of them?just speak casually to each other … I’m pretty sure taesan drops the hyung every now and then when he talks to jh WMEEEE ITS CUUUTEEEEE I LIKE IT and its also disrespectful and a little callous and super casual and just generally reflective of taesan’s somewhat careless exterior cold attitude towards otherssss..  IDK they have super cute dynamics...  

uh assorted discord mssgs/tweets22 :
  • though acrually more importantly I wohld literally underdtanf that myungtae is a two person ship with three people in it WOONHAK LITERALLYYYY HAS TO BE THERE
  • in the end taesun/woonhak/jehyun triangulation is litr so beautiful what do u mean lifeless deadface emotionless unaffectionate bitchy cat’s two favourite members are the emotional sensitive maidenhearted crybabies of the group NAUUURRRR THATS SO CUUUUTEEEE
  • its so cuuuute and funny that woonhak and jaehyun will go through the Extreme Highs and Lows of Being In Group where u r the butt of the joke 100% of the time versus taesan who is magnetically attached to either one of them be like :| :| :| the whole time
  • they r litr giving >Taesan learns to be a normal human person maybe just a little bit
  • wait ummm seriouslt deeply beauriful and heart touchinf wven that the most deadfaced bitchy cat emotionless member is extremely attached to nd has deep favouritism of the two most sensitive emotional affectionate guys in the group   … WHO ELSE SMILEDDDD
  • I think its because woonhak is also taesan’s favourite but u just can’t tell bc taesan literally sooooo bad at looking like he gives fucks but ITS BEAUTIFUL WHEN U DO SEE IT (he likes to pet woonhak)
  • and in the end it must be said its really funny that if its ts/wh tgt than they seem like two close friends v with wk/mjh are literally giving nice guy and this over excited puppy who won’t leave him alone
  • Ummmm anyway everyone look away this is sickos moment but it really is giving maknae on🔝 which is funny bc hes probably one of the mostttt normal maknaes ever like no complexes or anxiety or anything hes like at a normal level of talent gets good amounts of lines everyone likes him his whole group loves him but mostly a normal amount     Theres just two guys in there who are a little weird

anyway some more assorted momence of all time:
>ummmm lit. in the practice vid where they do yaja time and literally all of them are being sickos and having the time of their life calling woonhak hyungggg like … Ok…. calm down … hornyforhonorifics8000 okay dangggg… this is litr among the mosttt animated u will see taesan ever... cuuuuuteeeee
>singles korea where they're asked 'who do you want to nag the most' and everyone else points to woonhak but taesan is hovering between them
>jaehyun talking about the hierarchy within their group and ts is no1 while him and wh are the lowest rung
>on that line of thought.... THIS PRANK? they're BOTH sooooo mean to him.... WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM THEY KNOWWW HE'S LITERALLY MORE SUSCEPTIBLE AND STUPID THAN 90% OF ALL PUPPIES...
>okay they have this on-going neverending bit where they (plus lh) will act like they have raised woonhak and are always making his bed and brushing his teeth and hair and putting his clothes on for himm... and it's litr sooo cuuuuuteee...
>this is like me misreading the moment even because it's so ambiguous but when jh literally starts crying during their perf and goes to hug woonhak as like ts is presumably?walking towards them but doesn't even join but IS pouting in the bg ..... haksanjae triangulation u are everythinggg
>this video which is just cuuuteee just Three Chicks....
>ok this weverse where ts and wh are making sure that mjh doesn't cry while mjh is also trying to make sure wh doesn't cry(?) litr sooooo cuuuuteeee. DID EVERYONE DIE? I sure did....
>this set of pics of wh and mjh are sooo cuuute everyone dieddd... and here's a matching thread of haksanhwe pics...
>okay also in taesan's lee mujin's service ep he mentions that 1TYM is one of the bands he likes, and lmj is super surprised by that bc the song he sang was litr released before he was conceived LOL... AND if u check woonhak's spotify playlist, there's a couple of 1TYM songs... so it could mean nothing or something even.... No Matter How You Look At It.... it could be ts's rec even.. LOL.. isn't that cuuuuteee to think about...

 
yeah okay we can get into the tj zone now...
>no one is clicking my 20million links but a keen reader will realise that in the compilations of mjh being a scaredy cat ... HAN TAESAN IS LITERALLY THE MAIN PERPETRATOR... he's soooo mean it's unreal... guys taesan is sooooo mean..... and it is 90% always at the expense of mjh or wh (though he also compliments wh way moreeeee i think...)
>so ts is litr no.1 myeongmungie activist of all time... this is kind  of my favourite clip of this... essentially ts said he met a dog and took pics with it, and mjh was like 'u should upload them (picture with a puppy)' and ts is like Oh?picture with a puppy and that's the clip... and it's sooooo cute u can see mjh immediately start sulking... [and lh and ts both petting him] 
>the diif/rence between ts and mjh, (2) ... also like... i mentioned this previouslyyy but they are literally opposites in how they approach emotions and this story of them fighting last yr october really is soooo... 'usually mjh approaches him first but sometimes ts will initiate' (...) you guys are soooo rife for emotional angsting it's crazyyyyy... and YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW! NO MATTER WHAT. WOONHAK WILL BE THERE... mfw u have joint custody of a best friend <3
>OH... on that note... my godddd I can'ttt remember where I saw it but there's this one ment where mjh is like >YOU WILL GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT IF YOU TRY TO GET CLOSE TO TAESAN!!!!!BUT YOU SHOULD TRY ANYWAY !!!! and sungho is like >Are You Sure You Mean That, and mjh just repeats it Louder with more dedication likeeeeee!!!23 (...) wow you litr were the guy who got ur feelings hurt in trying to approach him >///<  (...) he also mentions the first time ts complimented him was 6~ months after their debut nooooooo omfg... it's so bad for them...
>this really funny tweet of a kfan looking at their children's day pics and saying mjh was poor as shit... HELLO?   ... also ts literally was the andrognyous girl child of all time...
 

ANYWAY LAST AGENDA24 I PROMISEEE...
all재 I feel like I've already linked 85493583490000 images and videos that literally should be making One Think... in the end this is the first and only time I've believed (a) harem could work, (b) all_LEADER ship is realistic and possible even ... and that's just what happens when you are ummm literally picked as leader because you have the highest eq and best communication skills [sungho despite being defacto leader would've been much stricter as actual leader i think...] ngl I've been like rotating this in my mind the entireeee time because in every vid somehow someway some is taking care of mjh because he kind of just has innate um... idiotbaby phermones that make u go >Ah I should look out for him ... ik i said they were all connected by um love for babying woonhak but they are also all connected via need to take care of their stupididiotcutie leader even.... anyway I truly think everyone likes him independently of each other and each of his ships lh/mjh, rw/mjh, sh/mjh all have beautiful potential  ... ok wow this is kind of giving the most nothing note of all time ummm...

basically, I always have problems with the 'and everyone loved and apprieciated their leader sooo much' narrative because SOME MEMBERS KINDA DGAF ABOUT THEIR LEADER... sorry... it's less true for smaller groups because there's way more leeway for everyone to have meaningful 1:1 interacts with each other... and it works out for bnd because their leader is litr the Emotional Heart of the group too like.... mjh kind of is always overflowing in love and care and will always be flirting With Everyone indiscriminately...<3

ASIDE FROM THAT.. i also usually hate harem so bad bc like...almost all of the time it is giving polymary or other guys have umm deeper more interesting relations that should like counteract the uhhh potency of haremmemberXmaingirl... however bc sh/lh/rw are all so lowkey and chill... it is literally always looking like mjh is their best ship just because he's so loud about it!!! like... whatever homoerotic best friendship is happening with rw/lh is never going to be acted upon ever BUT mjh will probably kiss lh right on the mouth if their game of gay chicken ever progresses far enough to allow it LOL...   ummmmmmmmmmmmm             listen both sh/mjh and rw/mjh are the same ship to me it's just... sungho is more prissy and stressed about it while riwoo is taking it in stride even... 

so in conclusion, my views don't represent my views... this is all fun and jokes except for when it's serious and real... And Um, sorry even, i guess.

FOOTNOTES
1unfortunately bnd has literally led me to to those places anyway. the place in q being zb1 shb who is mc-ing with mjh rn even on mnet!! and theyyy have beautiful shippy interaccs too..[+ later in the vid the diff in how clumsily mjh feeds shb v shb feeding him...AAAAH... guy who's a dog v guy who's a trainer]^

2this was kind of totally accidental I thought I was over kpop and they literally justttt took renjun out to the back to shoot him, so it was looking soooooo dire for me and my stanism but ummm... literally the evil of [SCHOOL] had been defeated and I am a little free so Why Not?^

3literally umm... baby play video where he's in the checkered yellow jacket... it was such a datedddd look and also like beautiful crazy resemblance to some 2014/15 era jungkook look somewhereeee^

4because, and I quote: "I cant immediately makw the lino connection bc he is like immediately so much more talwnted SORRY TO LEE KNOW" (typos preserved)^

5inb4 they reveal, like 2-3-5~ yrs from now that they hated each other at debut LMFAO...^

6inb4 we learn that ummmm this was image assigned to him at debut that is not at all reflective of his actual personality^

7three people. and myself obviously.^

7*like... am i not supposed to like blobkb spinoff group? the most famous kpop tweet of all time to me is 'when will zico collab with block b' [which...is....actually a tumblr post?...]. anyway i was literally op retweeting and reblogging this every other day...^

8sorry to zico but MINO is winning this one... or I mean idk... maybe zico is winning it.. do you know who's losing it though? SKZ FELIX... he wishes he could do that lowdeepgrowly voice/high light singing/speaking voice transition so quickly/flawlessly/talentfully LOL....^

9
also I said tbz had good talent distribution the other day [as in a good ratio of members who are good at different things + averagely talented filler guys] and got booed so like... who's to say that I have a grip on these things^

10okay, either I'm overestimating the average talent of rookies or underestimating bnd's average talents... I  really do think one of the main draws IS that they're really good and make good music and can sing even... so in the end... who knows... idk I'm compensating for an attempt at objectivity...^

11he's 2006z and which makes everyone else 20+ and ngl I truly do believe that graduating high school and taking time to become somewhat well-rounded singers have truly helped their group cause overall...^

12YES I'M SORRY I'M LITERALLYYYYY OP WHO LOVES SCHOOL UNIFORM CONCEPTS....well only when thhey're kind of sexified or personalityfied... there was litr a convo in tw3 about how ummm if we want to talk about kpop sexualisation of  minors or wme we need to abolish hip thursting in school uniforms... and I was there like... nooo....i love school uniform....^

13YES IT'S THE FUCKASS DOG WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT IT'S LITERALLY ME, OP, FWCU WHO ELSE COULD IT BE.^

14 from my tw3 thread: 'just saw jaehyun get called edgelord bisexual when TAESANNNNN IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE… he does not have a record player in his room with his favourite bands being like mcr and the who or wme for no reason!!!! / i mean I guess they could Both be edgelord bisexuals but its kinda only one way sorry [redacted] and LEAGUE? WHEN THEYRE A FIFA HOUSEHOLD? icantttt this is character assassination even….' them being a fifa household is also hugely funny to me and I UNDERSTAND EVEN DUE TO BEING IN OOMR'S CHELSEA MINES...^

15OK technically taesan picked whatever by oasis which he's mentioned multiple times as one of his favourite songs which also deeply informs literally all of his musical sensibilities and his taste and, Listen, if you know anything about taesan like. Yeah, of courseeeee this is your favourite rock song of all time!!! anyway. it was leehan who picked atl time bomb but it was taesan who sang along to it most passionately even...^

16OP IS CALLING HIM A WHORE IN THAT CAPTION BTW.... MY POOR BABYYYY^

17 this is kind of corroborated with how he's soooo shy when he meets um new people kind-of... like in um the nctdream waiting room live, it's kind of unrecognisable that that's mjh being so awkward and tiny in the corner when he's litr like ... [any svt interaction but specifically telling hoshi 'horanghe' in an elevator filled with people?!]^

18Okay I know I kind of said this about beomgyu and surely I said this about renjun and i definitely harboured these sentiments towards joshua of seventeen even but actually none of those guys are even um Any level of what this guy is…  also i feel like i kind of maintained and I Believe They Could Lead if Asked fronts for all of the above... um... not mjh...  or actually I don't even believe that part of being a perfect 0 to me is like switchOK like i believe he could top... but could he lead? one must ask...^

19not indicative of ship order, bc I'm not that much of a pedant... though I should be probably... ship order is catdog. if that wasn't clear. noswitch noreverse obviously. what am i gonna do? not love prettyboytop?^

20JSYK ... woonhak has lit. outgrown jaehyun within 7months post debut and jh is now 2nd smallest but u cant even tellllllll unless hes doing expat activities versus ummmmmmmmm its literally sooo [drool emoji] see him with riwoo bc he will be taking every opportunity to outsize him in wtv way like he just physically blcked the guy from leaving and its just WELL… Dont Mind If I Do^

21okay I literally went through like uhh taehan_zip [which i think is the 2nd most popular ts ship] to make sure this is somewhat valid... and the most similar thing I could find was this ... anyway there's a drastic amount of way less skinship OKKKKK [also true for kkeomchizip though that's not a ship acc so...]... also I bring up ts is litr not touchy because MJH!!! goes out of his way not to like be too skinshippy with ts even though he is indiscrimately always trying to get pets or wme... no I don't know what's going on there but I kind-of assumed it's Most Likely that ts is not cuddly and mjh has high eq and recognises that even...<3 sorry for sounding crazy ummm it's baseless af assumptions central here... ^

22of questionable accuracy and My Views Don't Represent My Views-esque takes ... like I was in the process of cooking, some could say I have yet to finish cooking, let's all just wait it out...^

23and right after he says he wrote the mama rap for woonhak so it's always something with these three' (from disco livereacc thread)  ... MAN... ...^

24sorry this is sooo cute I kind of have to mention it ummm videos that make you Think even...^
fwcu: (Default)
I am one of god's movie watchers even...! isn't that so exciting... recently have realised I like when movies that are good and not bad, and so, if a movie is Good I will like it... turns out, most blockbusters are bad. 1/3 of oscarbait movies are worth it. the other 3rd are biopics. the last third are decent and fun and rompy. I like movies when they are easily dissectable I think. watched: sense and sensibility [but like months ago], all of us strangers, past lives, the holdovers, anatomy of a fall, american fiction.

every movie has a guy who's a lesbian in it
sense and sensibility
>this movie has Every British person ON EARTH.... you're like omgggg Nanny McPhree and Rose Titanis.... and then the fucking MOM from SUCCESSION? you're like, okay, that's Enough famous people. BUT NO. FAKE HOUSE MD FROM HOUSE IS THERE AND THEN REAL HOUSE MD FROM HOUSE IS THERE TOO!!! BOTH OF THEM!!! and at this point, you're really like, surely there's a cap on famous british guys... FUCK ASS SEVERUS SNAPE IS THERE!!!
>this movie made me realise... that really and truly... okay 1) jane austen is always going to be like... And Beautiful Effervescent Youthful Maidens should always marry FUCK ASS OLD MEN!!! 2) i'm so austen movies are sooooo good and I will always prefer them to the books, I'm sorry!!! I'm uninitiated! i need the fucking, victorian readers' guide, I'm sorry!!! I don't understand her wit or her charm but I love her movies!!!

all of us strangers
>I made um, sib watch this with me... so I could not enjoy the sex scenes and will watch again just because well... YOU KNOW... as always paul mesco is the star of the show forever and forever TO ME. everytime you're like >why would some guy fall in love with them, and then you watch and you're like >IM IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!!! genuinely suuuuchhhh a charming actor, he's so fucking AAAGGGHHHH!!! paul mescal!!!!
>anyway he and andrew scott have crazy chemistry; uhm this movie is exaactly what it promises to be and not much more or much less....
>I don't think it's incredible, but it was nice. i think it had this choice between [gay loneliness, ideation, fantasy] and [hopeful, growth, moving forward] where w/ the former, it would just affirm and echo the themes of the movie and drive them in all the harder and stake you, and the latter would be bittersweet, but hopeful, it would promise a start, y;know. and it makes it's choice, and it's very understandable why it does what it does, because again, both would ring true to the story that's being told. it did hurted though.

past lives
>greta lee is so beautiful, I was truly so captivated by her face and how she's just so much more beautiful in motion than in photos...
>teo yoo is such a good actor, haesung's body language throughout the fucking movie did so much of the work in communicating the character where his words didn't... I'm miffed! he didn't get any nominations, because he's definitely one of the standout performances, if not The Stand Out.
>I was complaining to my roommate [and really, anyone who would listen] about the [diaspora] narrative versus the [immigrant] narrative, and how
I really do hate the diaspora narrative for how much it assumes victimhood, and this lack of choice, and you know, it panders, I think, To White People, and it affirms in many ways, The White Narrative (...) which is why I was sitting there slackjawed when this was the story that her white husband was recounting as The Story of Them. and then why me and oomr agreed vehemently and with love, as Nora asserts the importance of her choices, that these were all her decisions, that she is the active force in her own life that enacts the changes she chooses, that it was an Immigrant story. idk it was really good. it was really really good.
>there's a lot of implications and threads in the narrative that I cannot list down, just that it is absolutely the kind of love story Made For Me. I was like, thinking of this story, and then looking at the 4rl ao3 works page, and then looking at the screen. and going like What The Fuck. one has to be like SHOUTOUT TO ARTHUR. IF I WAS AT THAT BAR, I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF. crazy fucking scene.

the holdovers
>movies about um nothing.... NOT IN A BAD WAY THOUGH... it is like, the least depressing of the academia/misfit movies I'm pretty sure... every single type of lesbian imaginable is in this movie and that is the best part
>I think what gave this movie the most merit to me, was how it handled race, racism, etcka without ever being about racism. it was so intentional in what it showed and what roles the black characters on screen played, and how black people appeared... and I just feel like it actually did it's due diligence, without forcing any of the black characters to be Victim to Hate Crime or Reduced To Race/Skin Colour/Etc, they were allowed to exist on screen just as people with their own stories, all while refusing to ignore how hugely race played a role in the background/time period...! really cool. I hope Da'Vine Joy gets her laurels and the oscar, she FUCKING KILLEDDDD it.
>in the holdovers, the camera is always trying to Hold You At A Distance, and it's asking you to consider the bigger picture always, and how these characters Don't Fit into it. there's this disconnect with the subjects, between the subjects, etc etc, it's also very... retro? but with purpose.

american fiction
>we actually watched this after anatomie, but I'm saving best for last.
>OMG. the movie about Race and Racialised Narratives and What White People Want To Read... And Hear.... And See....
>because of what it is, it's forced to be understated, and it does a really good job of working within the confines. there's like... i think it's almost camp-y... it's very much what barbie kind of envisioned itself as... it has some really good observations, and some really good jokes. I don't think it's incredible, by any means, but I think the cast went kinda crazy...
>Jeffrey Wright was really good in this role, and I think ... BEING AN ACADEMIC, LIVING WITH AN ACADEMIC, OBSERVING VARIOUS ACADEMICS, idk he did a really good job just nailing you know, a guy who is both undramatic and yet has thoughts! again. really really good observations made throughout the movie. i think they must have done a really good job adapting the book and also, furthering some of the scope to translate into film.

anatomie of a fall
>lit. the best movie of all the oscar offerings, I will be so mad when oppenheimer wins over this... movies that touch on everything. women/men/sexism/femininity/masculinity/presentation/roles/the academique/authors/fiction|reality divide/how much of you bleeds into your work/truth/subjectivity/what makes a story/victimhood.... LITERALLY A MOVIE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!! and it did all of those things well!!! or, at least I thought so.
>it was really interesting to watch this after holdovers, because they use the camera/film so differently... anatomie is so intimate in how it shoots, all the close-ups, the little shakes, the way the camera is always asking you to look closer, dig deeper, think about what it's showing you. the way shots sweep and change as the lawyers go back and forth and ask the court to look at this from a different angle, consider now, from a different perspective, is the picture not different? just GORGEOUS imo.
>in the end... A Movie For Me? absolutely. godddd.... I loved the um, way it told the story of a 'modern woman' ... the division of domestic labour, sandra's attitude, her job, the kind of person she was, a woman can be a man and is still a woman, and you know, a man will still be a man. I love the careful way they presented sexism and assumed attitudes and viewpoints and also just, who represented who in court, and which side brought out women, which side brought out men, the kinds of men we saw.... IDK IT WAS SO GOOD AND SO CAREFUL ABOUT IT!!! and ultimately, it was a little crazy to watch this with my roommate, at one point, I turned to her and I was like, 'My god, if a man watched this, he would think this is reasonable,' and it's true. or maybe, it's not! I think it set expectations, played with expectations, and worked with expectations really well.
>oomr's gf was telling her she found it unsatisfying because the answer isn't clear, but I don't feel that way at all... i mean, in the first place, the movie was not about 'the' mystery, it was about how we see victimhood, the court, the trial; what we construct to be the truth or the story from what we know. you have all these limited viewpoints, and you know, one of those limits is literally made physical via daniel's blindness. one of those limits is language, which is fucking damning for a writer, no? IDKKKK...it was so good!!!
>there's like this note, too, of um how it cuts through between regular movie footage, to footage taped for the trial, into like, news footage, and I don't know... i do not have an overarching thing to say about that, only that it also added another dimension to this idea of like: >who tells the story like what, and it does such a good job to highlight biases as well as, this terribly As It Says moment, where you have these interviewers from a tv clip, discuss what is the best story, and how that is what decides innocence. which, this terribly on the nose moment, where you as the viewer, are confronted with this Very Real Takeaway on whether or not you think sandra is innocent or not!
>I feel like I have so many good things to say about this movie, and I don't know if I can list them all. I do know I want to rewatch it as soon as possible. I also know, that, uh, my favourite moment is the restaurant scene where you can see vincent, playing the innocent maiden, have his heart crushed by sandra's cold, dismissal. and i mean. I think that scene is so crazy. if you know lesbiana like that, just look at how they wear their respective shirts.

PARA social

Feb. 6th, 2024 04:56 pm
fwcu: (Default)
I just feel like we really did have a golden moment in online community where you could essentially, gossip, about other people whether they be BNFs or mildly famous celebs and speculate about their lives et all... but this is also coming from someone who like really got their first taste of privacy-infringement via danandphil tumblr circles... like you had to work your ass off to find the vday vid sure, but you could find it... well, it was a weird blurry place, and it wasn't like super-ethical by any means, but it wasn't like so abhorred the way it is now.

I think this is also because of how unprivate everything is now... which i guess i mean like, people search for this shit now, solely, and if only, to just point it out and go: LOOK. THIS IS SO BAD. WHY IS SOMEONE DOING IT. like, it's ostensibly got the same amount of privacy as posting on any public platform does, but now there's like Thought Police crawling around. and ALSO. people hate being approached, or talked about, or what have you, because it's always an invitation for some kind of abuse rather than just. mfw i'm discussing just for the sake of discussion and it's a fun little thought experiment for me. GOD FORBID it has unintended consequences I did not ask for nor want... like I love and have completely misappropriated the term 'thought experiment' over the last couple years because I am famously like The Moralist of All Time. to me criticism, and blunt language is like Fair Game and has no bearing on how I actually feel about whatever entity As A Person or what have you. like, some of the guys I want to talk about in this post, I have no stakes in, some of the guys I really like their work but that has not impacted my feelings of them As A Person and thus are not free from my scrutiny and 'criticism', some of these guys, I truly believe that we are tethered and would possibly be soulmates and/or dating if not for my extreme aversion to being any kind of public figure, etcka etcka, Like everything is possible. all is free game. the last guy I probably don't really have anything bad to say, but to some, describing a guy as: 'I fear socks maidenly charm and visual can only be understood by those who can accept that he's uglycute... like the beautiful tier of mid-looking boys.' is hateristic and even a little mean. BRO I LITERALLY THINK HE IS PRETTY AND HAVE BEEN BEWITCHED BY WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE A SNOW_WHITE_ESQUE VISUAL like chill. learn how to read even.

anyway. here's wonderitfuckall.

1. dishtuonto
here are some links for your perusal:
https://x.com/companiondish/status/1754726185022726253?s=20
https://x.com/Tuont0/status/1735615178547556756?s=20
https://x.com/Tuont0/status/1735467296699904434?s=20

here are some things I have said about some of these links:
  • "Anyone on this thread thinking about tuonto cucking dish’s husband" [12/14/23, 8:51 PM]
  • "i want the cheating divorce scandal gate so badddddddd I JUST WANT IT SO BAD...." [02/05/24, 11:44 PM]
  • "i think my only thing is that she isn't even that much older than him WORLD STOP EXPLODEEE if she was actually 30+ and he was just 20something... my dreams.... my delusions..... this lit. happens to hollywood celebs so much and also academics so why not TwitchStreamers...." [02/05/24, 11:46]
now. I wouldn't actually care. however the woman pictured [dish], is MARRIED. so, now, it's like immediately soooooo sexy and crazy and fucked up and erotic and there's Layers. part of the appeal is that tuonto is kind of like, the token yumejosh pick of the genshin streamer crop [i saw him irl and he is... My Height...] ... so it really is like the classical younghotpoolyboy x milf set up, except not at all... but I assume both have the same intrinsic appeal... and I really really really do want cheating/scandal/divorce gate because imo IT IS CRAZY if you and your married, some years older female coworker [who is also kind-of ur friend, and somewhat of an older sister role] are the Company-pushed CP/duo/what have you... like that's.... HUHHHHH? I didn't know we worked like that... I don't really have any opinions on either of these people as individuals or streamers, I don't watch either, but it's also just compelling because they both have very clean, soft/comfort/etcka esque images.... but also. you have to be sick in the head quite a bit to be a streamer. For Example, Zy0x is a leo. so, the potential is there. I just hope God makes my twisted sick dreams come true.
+I guess I have to point out that they're straight which is what makes it more appealing... like, queerbait doesn't hit anymore because everyone is doing it on purpose rather than because there is a genuine friendship there... it's a marketing scheme now...[tuonto has done it with both ant and socks... and one was more believable solely because socks is actually bisexual and had a girlfriend at the time so they were 100% just being genuine with the jokes and friendship and flirting rather than the entire corporate shill of soulless bait that was ant/tuonto... anyway...] ... anyway, somehow we've circled back to the territory of like BoyXGirl is the safer more mysterious tenuous connection that no one would suspect of being romantically or otherwise involved, because everyone has to be a little gaybaity if not sexless if not errr.... Married. which is what dish is. ANYWAY. I'm saying it's more compelling because they're actually friends, and also think theyre 'safe' against accusations and scrutiny [and like, in many ways, They Are, I am but One Sicko amongst 1million normies][but isn't that so crazy that's how like BoyxBoy dynamics used to work... where they could get away with all the shippy stuff and constant pairing Because No One Would Think..ANYWAY]

2. WHATSGOINGONGUYSASIANGUYHERE
this shit is making me so sad frankly... essentially the genshin streamer sphere blew the fuck up because of the usual suspect, tectone, and then atsu caught stray [actual] hands because he was accused of like gatekeeping and blocking opportunities for smaller ccs... and the guy who accused him was legit, and I cannot make this up, someone I had blocked because their tweets kept showing up on my tl, and my last straw was literally this tweet they'd made about how like their video numbers were unfair ... and I was like: What if you just made Good Videos? What about that? ....and then like, atsu's entire response to him was to accuse him of having bad vibes and being annoying and being preoccuppied with numbers... SO LIKE, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, I'M READING THIS AND I'M LIKE... he's not even wrong though. anyway, so then everyone started jumping atsu, even though I Personally Feel, as though it's fucking fine to dislike a guy ... and this is where the moralism comes in like.... bro every industry is going to be sorta nepo no matter What, and I personally see no problem with having Less White Creators platformed, esp. for a game like genshin...where it is always the white ccs being mildly racist in some way or another.
there were other aspects of the issue which I thought fully justified atsu's points and behaviours, with the most obvious one being that: Genshin is an unbearable fandom. so you are always intensely apprehensive of any and every single person who approaches you. esp if you are someone who thinks for themselves, whether correctly or incorrectly, it's unbearable. obviously, he's not allowed to say this because he's a CC. but. imo his actions were quite justifiable, even the asshole move of like editing brax out of what was clearly a photo meant to be ONLY of his friend group. like, absolutely, he's some level of asshole. he is an asshole. I just don't think that's 'cancelable' grounds. and I think what pisses me off the most is that the people who are dogpiling onto him are doing so by giving credence to like, these racist sexist white guys who have previously been 'wronged' by him...
there was this other tweet that accused atsu of creating an unfriendly unwelcoming atmosphere in the genshin CC space, and like, as someone who only finds ONE genshin creator bearable to watch... that's not actually on him. it's on genshin CCs for being the most unlikeable people on this earth in general. like. I promise you it was because your content was bad, and not because like, mr.AsianGuyGenshin hated you personally. like it could've been. sure. but I think this greater mindset of like [it's Never Me, it's always Something Greater Bigger Other that's the Problem] ... please. 1 critical thought.

okay that entire spiel made me sound like an atsu-warrior... which, sure, fine. why not? it's true a lot of the stuff that's proveable, is that he's an asshole. but this is not something he hasn't made astoundingly clear about himself. he's very honest in how he presents himself, and that's not some dramatic reveal. the stuff that's more suspect about him having like purview over genshin cc opportunities, that's suspect, but I still don't think that it makes the amount of backlash he's gotten justifiable. esp, you should not be calling an asian man 'RATsu', like be soooooo serious rn. yeah, but uh, because he's had some bad takes before, he should be hung and killed and whatever. AND ALL THIS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE TWO WHITE GUYS. be so serious. I don't know I think it's just very frustrating, and I guess I'm a little focused on the racial aspects, but it's ... the creators he hangs out with and associates with are all POC with the exception of basically 1 person [dish]. and so, if he's gotten these people opportunities, over like, a white guy... Whatever. I respect the grit. sorry I just don't believe you can commit crimes against white people unless they are like personally my friends or people I like. but even then.

3. an author by any other pseud
if I find an author on ao3 i really like, I will be reading through their entire catalogue if I can reasonably understand it... of course, the next step is like, find the guy's twitter and be extremely disillusioned by how much you don't like them. anyway. let's call this guy uhhh, sword. sword has made me realise one thing about white people and it's that They Love Whump. They Love Angst. They Love Self-Centered Tragedy. or I guess that I don't know they're white, but it wouldn't be surprising if they were. I suppose then, that's my point about anyone entrenched into white/western/individualist/catholic/christian culture. the way they treat 'suffering' as the Point. it's entertaining to read, I think, they're a very strong writer, but I found myself uncomfortable at the extent to which they would 'woobify' or ONLY focus on the suffering of their faves in their fic, to make the endgoal of like Getting Them Fucked In The Ass all the more sweeter... and again, they're a good writer which makes it easy to like digest, and again, It Is Enjoyable and Entertaining and you're like aww my poor baby... but it's not... it's not meaty I don't think. it doesn't make you see the character as anything other than a victim. I don't know, and it shows up, I think less flatteringly, in the way they tweet, and how they speak of their opinions and personal hang ups, and I think, even with people like this, even when they like all the same characters and things as me, it doesn't make them better. some people you just are not meant to vibe with... :( and I mean this, as like, I don't even think I'm that endearing of an online personality. I think I'm funny, which is my single and only edge over them, but they're probably a better writer than i am. so who's to judge.

anyway, I think sword is a funny contrast to err, uh, let's call the guy, uh, Rrrr. Rrrr is a Really Good Writer. everytime I read their fic i'm like Holy Fuck. I don't see the flaws in their fics as clearly as sword's, but I think it's also a matter of like, engagement... sword chooses to engage with Whump and Sadness and Torture and Angst and Tragic Backstory ... and Rrrr likes to grapple with why a flawed character is so flawed, and similarly, sure, how does that cause them angst... but then, the point is never the suffering, the point is whatever mechanism or thought that runs through the character that Makes Them Suffer. you never feel so bad about how these characters are the most meowmeow to ever meow so much so as you're like Aggghhhhhh Orpheus no!!! Don't Look Back!! Orpheus No!! all while understanding why orpheus has to look back. I think there's probably a better myth with the same kind of cultural capital that I could've drawn on, but syntax,diction, this is what I can think of right now to further my point. I think Rrrr does end up kind of, suffering from the Love of Angst and Tragedy as well, their fics are never 'happy' or about happy people, and mostly end very bittersweetly, but I don't think that's bad. I think... perhaps... it's really that they get so caught up in X character's flaws, that you forget what makes people like them in the first place, and while they try to like convey that with exterior interactions, they never succeed in convincing the reader of these good traits... i think at this point I have to point out that both writers write Xiao Genshin Impact, and more recently, Rrrr writes Kaveh genshin impact. so like, they Like their tragic characters. but to MEEEE... I've been so much more endeared to kaveh in fics that are not written by Rrrr, and this is like gribjkndfghkjverndfxcgibrd an overarching issue I have with how the greater genshin fandom just treats Kaveh in general... I think there's such a focus on how he's pathetic and sad and tragic that you forget the whole reason everyone in the world likes him, and why ALHAITHAM HIS LOVER, likes him, is because he is very much still a genius. and the same tragic heart that makes him so miserable, is also what makes him such a visionary. BUT I DIGRESS... it's the same point of woobification. xiao is harder, because xiao is actually not a guy who has that much going for him other than to be The Bearer Of Tragic Backstory... and honestly, when I like xiao it's because I find the extent of his emoangst#death#anger#suffering#pain funny... he's literally the meet the robinsons goober meme... but again. like both sword and Rrrr like him because of how committed he is to his self-suffering and self-tragedy. anyway. I think Rrrr is a much more bearable online personality than sword because Rrrr is just, kind of funnnier, and has better takes imo, and is less superior in their pretensions... idk....

I actually just wanted to talk about how it's better All of the time to just not search an author up to find their twitter. HOWEVER. I can also say that sometimes it's nice. and like.... chuck palanchuik handwriting quote.... as much as you can tell how unbearable a person is by how they synthesise suffering in their works ... with both sword and Rrrr coming off as people I'd prefer not really to know just because If you Write Like That it comes from somewhere and I'm less predisposed to want to engage with guys who are so woeful [in a sense]... anyway. against my better judgement I did do it again, and found a completely different guy who writes about a completely different subject and was instantly and endearingly surprised by the internet persona I did find so like. you win and you lose and you are very well aware of guys you like and would like and would prefer to keep at a distance.

4. mdzs modern au anyone
this is my personal and random bone to pick with like many people around the world. or I have MANY bones to pick with mdzs fic... and this is coming from someone who only reads the really good stuff, and so I actually don't read any mdzs fic set, in say, [North] America; I don't like to read any that are like so clearly and intensely american , I hate most modern aus .... but even beyond these long beaten horses.... I Fucking Hate What They Do To Wei Wuxian.

WWX is not a character who is a 'hot mess' in fact, really, uh the most of the reason he acts like a 'hot mess' is because he's feigning madness so that no one suspects that he's been reincarnated. he's like emotionally oblivious, yeah. but he also is not someone who allows himself to get immersed in his own suffering. because wwx is, someone who has lived a hard life, and has internalised and understood that That Is Life. for him. and so there's little to do but go on living. that is why mdzs ends the way it does. he's a simple person with plain desires. but, I'm saying this as someone who read the exiledrebel fantrans of the novel in like 2019/2020, did not watch the show, has read Only Really Good Fic, etcka... I think the show diverges in a lot of ways and adds depth in places the novel doesn't, but I'm not really sure about what those actual differences are, but I'm willing to like throw in my towel and say: I could be totally wrong. Everyone is entitled to whatever they took from their reader/viewership experience. There's surely a reason for the disconnect. or it could be like oikawa fic in 2017 where the iwaoi tag went from good to having suggestivescribe be the most kudos'd fic, and the downfall oikawa as anything but a bratty bottom began... IDK.

I think I also enjoyed this novel, and continue to enjoy far more than mxtx's others for different reasons than most people. or maybe not! I personally don't really care for wangxian. like I'll read their fic, because, I don't mind it and it's good. but the romance was always lacking for me, right up until wwx jumps into lwj's arms in lotus pier, and you're like Ah Fuck because of everything it symbolises. and I would argue, less than romance, it symbolises the whole reason the novel is good in the first place: Family. I don't think mdzs is something you read because you enjoy the plot. or because you think wangxian are the most romance Of Ever [because they are really not. or like, lwj did not have any personality at all in the exr scans]. I posit that the tragedy that drives apart yunmengjiang trio is the very heart of the novel and all of the meaningful threads that result because and prior to it are what makes the novel Really Really Good and kind of evergreen in my eyes. it's a very good story about family and how fucked up and complicated and horrible and meaningful it is. and so when wwx jumps into lwj's arms and is caught, it's good because after having lost his home for so many years and returning to it and realising he can never get it back. still, he has something different now. WHATEVER. it was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. anyway. I mean I also really liked yi city trio, probably because it hit some of the same notes of like something broken, something makeshift in place that became just as meaningful or worthy of living. along with the whole uhh Domesticating Your Pet Murderer. which to me was what made yi city so crazy tho like...

this, I think is also why I don't really like mxtx's other novels more than mdzs despite them having much more to recommend them, and also like, having like way more diehard fans and way better romances. I read svsss on Rrrr's recommendation, and it was entertaining and I liked bingqiu soooo much, and I Got It, but it wasn't like as personally devastating as mdzs. I started and never finished tgcf, which is always renowned as the Most Romantic and Most Tragic of the three... and again, it was Good, it was, i liked the main characters, I was fascinated with the hexuan/water master thing despite not like being a beefleafer... but again like.... broooo.... I don't think either of them are better or more 'for me' than mdzs is, because the whole reason I liked mdzs is because despite it being about a myriad of things and a lot of them being done somewhat suspectly [at least imo] ... the emotional core of the story, which to me was yunmengjiang, was undeniably strong and wholly compelling, and it was just a really good story. tragedy. what have you. it felt like life.

I think the last factor was that wwx was a much more endearing protag than either sqq or xl. whether it was relatability and going: This guy is so me! every 2s, it's just. he was genuinely charming and likeable and lovely and so it pisses me off when i read fic and I want it to be about That Guy and the guy I'm reading about isn't himmmm... and so it's like.. what ... wh.... and you have to understand, the thing about mdzs fic, is that you're delighted to read a fic and realise that lwj isn't the guy from the book. like that's deconstruction and reconstruction work that Needs to be done. what am I even talking about anymore.

AH. diaspora fic. not everything needs to be about what you[nebulous, royal, etcka] understand about the immigrant/assimilate experience. especially not ancient chinese gay people. you know you don't have to write Fic right. and you know, like even if you write fic, you don't need to do like 489922 hours of like research about culture and customs like... you are also allowed to be ambiguous of the setting and just be careful not to make it like wholly american... ngl I think reading other modern danmei could possibly even Help. like recently i've read so many farming simulator danmeis that I feel like I could write my own. like no it wouldn't be good but it would be recognisable as being Of the genre. like no one is asking anyone to write the next great epic about All of China... but it would be nice if it wasn't so fuckin american.


I think I have thoroughly run out of things to yap about... tgeirb;jdkfgnblvhkdfnjc sorry for your time thank u for ur loss. there was going to be uhhh a section about socks but my BADDDD...
fwcu: (Default)
so I signed up for a short story writing class, and it was errr, the trade off was between this class and something called 'the history of terrorism' ... anyway, so it turns out history of terrorism is taught oomp that i think is personally really good at his job... whereas... Perhaps, I, as the most pretentious person on this earth who writes a total of like 3000w per 2.5 years... perhaps this class was NOT FOR ME... i'm trying really hard to keep my heart open and LEARN from... what is tumblr writing advice 101. which imo, now that I've Read More and simply have analysed more narratives... whatever... I COULD BE WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING WHO THE FUCK KNOWS I CERTAINLY DON'T AND I CERTAINLY VALUE MY OWN OPINIONS TOO MUCH FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT EVEN PRODUCE!!! anyway. here's wonderwall.

we've covered, er, two more 'concrete' topics, insofar... and I'll discuss both.
Read more... )
fwcu: (Default)
- *says anything* I didn't say that
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEPBRO!!! admittedly this one has fallen off but the era of socks clips that were just 50 seconds of insane rambling about saving hamsters from his monitor and his stepbrother walked into the room and unplugged his keyboard and *imitates skype call notif* ...gone, but never forgotten. it didn't even get old it was legit just funny every single time
- nice cock. cock. Cocka. (x1000)
- *says anything* [immediate confusion]What?
- *says something normal* [immediately begins to stutter through an explanation of how he means it in a normie, homie-esque way]
- [talks normally] [narrates what he wants to say, his thought process, his message, etcka] [begins typing in genshin chat] hi !!! im trying to fill out as many squares off twitter bottom bingo as i can :DDD !!!

I would link my favourite clips but I fear socks maidenly charm and visual can only be understood by those who can accept that he's uglycute... like the beautiful tier of mid-looking boys.
fwcu: (the great elsewhere)
guess who relistened wolf 359? it's a me, ya girl. I had a good time. I had a really good time. I was not expecting to have such a good time, I thought it was not going to live up to the pedestal I put it on at age 17... BUT, it did. I had forgotten that pedestal was even there, and now I'm now, I need to dust it off. Damn, put the plaque back on it's shelf, it deserves the spot! Anyway, you can tell that I've been listening to it, as evident from my narration style.

note for mild to modest vague spoilers... if I talk about jacobi that's True Real Spoilers area. this post is so rambly and incomprehensible sorry.
Read more... )
fwcu: (raiden shogun)
I think I am becoming worse as time passes. like wow... guess who's been a huge bitch on twitter and keeps telling everyone that they're here for the Hüge Bitch Experience to avoid betterment and repercussions but dammmnnnnn I just am not having fun anywhere anymore. I think 'fandom' is not really fun for me anymore... and in a similar way, there's no longer a want to share my thoughts about things (...) IDK I'm at the defeatist point of 'well everyone's allowed to have their own opinions, and if I won't change mine, I can't expect someone else to change theirs...' and it's like ... okay if we're enjoying the same media we should be here like | me | | you | and there should be no interaction. only retweets of \gen fanart of things we both don't hate.
Read more... )

fwcu: (the great elsewhere)
I'm going to blow up. and fair warning this post is disgusting. sorry to whomever it could landmine. I'm currently getting blown up myself.

iguessssss this is kind of ummm ... ummmmmmm....ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *stares at ao3 beomgyu* should I just rot13 this entire post? I will be posting it with requisite amounts of shame, but if I truly had shame it would not be posted. (...) anyway. so. remember when I said (3 days ago) that txt were a group of 0s? well... I have observed... as a whole... that's true... but, if you take certain subsets.... 1s and 0s will arise.

I would like to clarify that yes, I believe no one should be sheeple, and Yes...[op cannot finish this sentence because of personal reasons].... Whatever, I'm gonna c+p my livetweets of my struggles and crises:
  • @me: "seriously though i think beomgyu is making me reject all my previous thoughts and ideals and by beomgyu I specifically mean ship order taegyu like …. 😦😧😦😧😦😧" (10:35 PM 8/66/22)
  • @me: "like okay if I think he’s a girl and a brat and a [REDACTED] and a [EVEN MORE REDACTED] LIKE ITS DIFFERENT FROM WHEN OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT… like yes we’re technically at the same conclusion BUT NO WE’RE NOT… NOT IDEOLOGICALLY…" (11:39 PM 8/6/22)
  • @me: "everytime I agree with the preferred order of the tag I feel like I’ve committed some kind of crime LIKE IM NOT WRONG. BUT IM ABOUT TO BE WRONG BY ASSOCIATION!!!" (5:30 PM 9/6/22)
anyway the following is: OP tries to justify herself about why beomgyu is actually bzrtnfhoobggbz. like, listen, I still believe revOK for him but that is my delusion holding onto my ideals for dear life. 
  • the only reason there's 1s and 0s in taegyu is because. there are. Winners and Losers. it's like how, theoretically, there are 1s and 0s in beomjun too, for the same reason. [I haven't actually figured out the optics on that one even though. like in my mind I know the truth. my heart isn't ready to accept it. I STILL BELIEVE] ANYWAY... 10/10 times when taegyu interact, beomgyu will come out as the loser of the psychological [and physical] power struggle and taehyun will come out more or less unbothered, and maybe with a vague smugness of winning. THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY BECAUSE TAEHYUN IS A WINNER [though that's true]... it's just um.................what beomgyu lacks in actual will he makes up for in spirit.........it's like how........weak mental game..... like he's all fire and no substance....... it's a light show but .... the structure will crumple like paper... IDKKKKKKKKK
  • this clip [in fact, that entire thread], may be 5000 years old, however. I find it startlingly relevant and if anything has changed that would cause this moment - if perfectly replicated - not to play out exactly the same, I refuse to acknowledge so. in saying that ... BOMGYUUUUU YOUR FAAACEEEE....how does he lose his grip THREE! 3!!!! (THREEE)(3)!!!! TIMES.... JUST GIVE UP.... it's actually more damning that he tries to recover and then even more damning the way he shrugs off the jacket... you are so .... you..... sorry that I once again refuse to explain but if you know anything about the way 1s and 0s are assigned then u know.
  • I'm going to stop saying words and then let clips speak for me at this point: TOMORROW X TOGETHER on Twitter: "마이 브라더 생일축하해 잘 쉬고 얼른보자~ 그나저나 이 영상 진짜 꿀귀네ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 사랑한다~ #범규 #BEOMGYU #연준 #YEONJUN https://t.co/JBoY1x9Nai" / Twitter wow don't u love. TO DO X TXT - EP.73 World's Best Spring Fairy Contest Part 2?! ......I.....I have not been the same after watching that I just want everyone to know. there were MANY casualties and all of them were MEEEE.... anyway. Idk I feel like that entire ep was about to be proof enough and then ... as u can see... from the video I linked... Just Really Really Hammering it in. 
  • ok, this doesn't technically count because it's soogyu, and something something soobin is always right etc etc etc however I need someone to start running #BEOMGYU_PROTECT on set ... like being a girl who always loses is one thing. losing to SOOBIN … now that’s like … That…      .... I acknowledge soogyu exists and like is #real or whatever. but I will be taking pains and measures to protect beomgyu’s image. that’s my final statement here. UPDATE: hi I found a 
  • ANYWAY. the reason I even bring up that clip was because of the very first cut of the rollerblade...SOOBIN LITERALLY DRAGS HIM HALFWAY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR BEFORE BEOMGYU FINALLY HAS TO LET GO.,. I have to kill somebody. I. it's not beomgyu's fault he's like that his disposition just makes him EXTREMELEEEYYYYYY SUSCEPTIBLE OKKKKK......
  • ok this shouldn't count but I feel like it's a very valid arguement ...he's 5'10 btw. and I think he has like some muscle.  
  • ok what the hell this is another spring fairy clip BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. seriously please just watch the episode my mental state is in shambles like WWDYMMMMMMM HE'S ACTUALLY A DOGGIRL...... puppycat overreactive hypersensitive doggy who's prone to blowing up every second SORRY IF U CAN'T SEE IT. BUT IT'S LITERALLY. I don't even know what I'm arguing at this point this is about to devolve into a list of things that make me blow the fuck up. 
  • Oh Look It's Spring Fairy Clip The Third ... mang mang mang! is going to haunt me until I die WHY IS HE ACTUALLY. ;RBFUE'IONSDML;X  no words I'm calm I need to stop picking dogs when I pick faves... like I need to stay away from them. like this cannot be sustainable.
will update thrilling as I watch more and more content. Cannot wait to be further assaulted and mauled and killed and stoned to death over the knowledge that beomgyu more or less is a mistreatment and manhandling enjoyer. which is literally not his fault.... HE'S PREDISPOSED TO IT ON ACCOUNT OF BEING CRAZY TERRIBLE GIRLS OF THE WORLD..... 
fwcu: (bird; another!)
prenotes (OK ALSO. sorry for being a raging pervert in this post btw. it's like well Once I like them even more I will cease to have any sexy thoughts about them at all, so let's just get this out of the way rn)I'm on day3 of my moa treatment. here are my preliminary thoughts. NOT TO BE TAKEN AS *SCHOLARSHIP* *ACADEMIA* *META* in any way shape or form. this is just the Then of my future Then v. Now txt thought poasties. this was very much inspired by nico's ramblings about soobin which, was kind of just a loosely organized trail of thoughts. I love that post, I owe nico my life, WE BOTH <3 SOOBIN, and she's so incisive and thoughtful and thorough in how she describes him ;-; nico my bby.

okay ANYWAY. I legiterally never expected to like txt This Much. like I thought I would like soobin and enjoy hyuka's face. ok no I'm like fulled txtpiled. I'm in my MoA era, I hope it continues, I love Good Boy Gone Bad, I love the stages especially, I hope this inspires oomfs to join me in the txtventure and moas to befriend. also to be completely like transparent with what all this is based off of: a few youtube compilations of txt momence (series of unfortunate events, beomjun comp), some scattered random to-do eps (outlaws, gift exchange, biggest winner, go home first, ep5!!), and some scattered interviews (60% of the jessi interview, teen vogue??, etc).

okaur. I've decided to order this, via interestingness. so the sections will be as follows:
0. bias ranking (so everyone is well aware of what informs my opinions, my pre-biases)
1. 1/0 scale (SORRY FOR BEING A PERVERT. AND ASSUMING EVERYONE ELSE IS ALSO A PERVERT. BUT AM I WRONG!!?!?!)
2. shippy agendas (main event of any post really)
3. member breakdowns (personal views, eat with salt, etc) (I will say though I don't hate any single member so no haterism in this post is present at alllll)


bias sorter:
1. soobin
2. BOMGYUUUUUU 
3. hyuka == taehyun
4. yeonjun
(...)if you read this list and think: This doesn't seem correct or accurate judging from the title of this post. you don't know me the way I know me. or BEOMGYU.

but really, no one was surprised. actually well I was slightly surprised since soogyu were my original 2pick like right when they debuted … so like danggg… alright… love at first sight has yet to lead me astray… Though I did think yj might’ve ranked higher due to high rankerisms but actually bomgyu is Also a high ranker ANDDD is a crazy evil girl of the worlddd so :). ok I will not lie I had some negative bias towards taehyun but he’s like sooooo… perfectly neutral and calm and nice all the time it’s like Damn okay. also :,) ship truelove is when guy who’s nice all the time is not nice to you specifically :,) okay whatever watching actual txt content has fixed me and restructured me and made my heart grow three to eight times in size etc etc Taehyun I am so sorry to whatever misconceptions I had about past you, I no longer hold them. I want u to find true love with the person I think you should be in true love with. FIN. I don't expect this to change in any way.

1/0 scaleas you all know, I am a woman of Opinions. of Original and Strange and Occasionally Esoteric and Peculiar thought. I do want to preface this with like, a tweet I twote about TxT: “also like the overall effect of what if ur entire group was bottoms.”

that kind of is how I feel but for the sake of ranking them even more... from like … most to least 1 it’d be like:

taehyun/yeonjun/beomgyu can fight for dominance (all of them are like <1, like =<0.5 to me still tho) …
  • Ok this needs a little bit of explaining though. taehyun is like, he would not care, it could go either way. yeonjun/beomgyu are like … No one else around here is willing to top. or like yeonjun is.
  • beomgyu is actually I think the least toppy woppy out of all of the three however what he lacks in actual will to top, he makes up for spirit of passion to topping. like beomgyu does not care about topping but he would love to argue that he could top.
  • yeonjun would be down to getting railed. not by anyone from txt though. but also beomgyu would probably be annoying enough that it could happen like that. OHHHHH MY GODDDDD okay what I’m trying to say is that psychologically beomgyu is a 1. otherwise. eh.

hnk
(.000000002(???)) (personal bias about boys who are extremely beautiful i guess) (and also Um. well. what if u had the consistency and disposition of a sunbeam) (and also were lame and cute and had a serious case of pre puberty voice)

soobin (0000000000) (sorry that him being 6’4 is the funniest fujo joke god has ever played on anyone but Seriously… Seriously)
  • I do want to point out this ranking has nothing to do with who I actually want to see railed or not*... and actually I think my otp is reverseOK, like bg_left is Good bg_right is Good, Love is Love I See No Difference👍 …
  • I mean if anything I would prefer it to always strictly be soobinRIGHT however he is 6’4 so its just funny when thats not the case Simply and Only because he’s 6’4 (…) hnkleft probably is something that would turn me off way more than soobinleft LAWL… As you know…girls who loves visuals... and uh... beautiful boys of ever❤️
  • (*I think? like if it was about who I wanted to top, yj would be 1. so this is not my delusion but what I perceive to be accurate) (I guess the item on this list that's actually most controversial is hnk placement. which. well I can't provide everyone with all the answers and explanations always)




MY SHIP REALokay I think we ALL saw this coming. or *I* saw this coming. for the record. I watched like 1.5 episodes of to do and then I was like:
  • fullsunfullsunfullsu(...) @gayrenjun: I think taehyun and beomgyu should interact more
  • fullsunfullsunfullsu(...) @gayrenjun: guy who wins games by folllowing the rules versus guy who wins games by causing chaos
And then it turns out. SHAKTI PREDEBUT [personal profile] permutative HAD ALREADY MADE A SHIP PRIMER FOR THEM AND THEY WERE REALLLL IN THE TEXTTTTT.
um to me so far its like beomgyu—->| taehyun which is not to say it’s one-sided it’s more like taehyun is less nice to beomgyu than to any other member and that means BEOMGYUUUU IS SPECIALLLL TO HIM❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ And so My Ship Real❤️ But also like bomgyu actually does not know how to show any affection in the correct ways at all so his form of love is by bullying❤️
...is what I think so far but I would never know.

AND ALSO once again SHAKTI PREDEBUT PERMUTATIVE FAMOUSSSS TO MEEEEE for PERFECTTTT TAEGYU FIC!!! when beomgyu just lies. and then lies again. And then keeps lying <3<3<3 and taehyun spends the entire fic going like: 'Hmmm.......It seems like I could like beomgyu. I will consider it carefully." seriously perfect taehyun voice and perfect maniac pixie crazy girls of world bomgyuuuuuu... I promise to leave u a comment soon legend.

ummm… okay I seriously think revOK for taegyu.
  • like beomgyu can top bc femmetop rights and I feel like u could lean way too much into basic bl casting if u make him the 0.
  • on the other hand its a classic anime boygirl ship. so you know. and beomgyu is the girl...
  • and like I’ll be real originally I was deeply opposed to beomgyu bottoming and I think this dynamic works better if he tops anyway (esp following with my own ideals and beliefs) HOWEVERRRR I think I actually might prefer taegyu in that order. mostly bc even more CUTEST GIRLS OF WORLDDDD beomgyu mileage becoming possible to me :,)
  • and also it is true he’s tiny* (*5’10) and compact and can be blown away by the wind and is physically weak and pretty vulnerable and susceptible etc etc which I don’t mean like… in the bl uke way but more like I think it’d be something really — revealing? in a sex scene, because I think beomgyu is always so much bigger than life in action and its always noticeable that he’s smaller but not Felt so for it to be Felt as well … 🥲
(...) moving on
I thought there would be more yeonbin but yeonbin is disappointingly non existence even though all these twitter clip compilations are telling me elsewise!!!! stoppp ik these are the two main and biggest txt ships (according to ao3) as if its my fault I love popular ships when theyre in the canon!!!

 
I don’t thinkkkkk I’d be interested in any other ships…
  • soogyu is my 2pick but soobin is like too 🤍🐇🐰 for beomgyu for it to be viable to meeeeeeee …
  • beomjun is a skip because taegyu is Right There. like beomgyu can ruin yeonjun’s day but he does that for fun, not out of love.
  • tyunning is also a no from me… BEOMGYU IS RIGHT THEREEEEE AND FAR MORE INCOMPATIBLE WITH TAEHYUN… why would u want him to have a lovely and wonderful life with lovely and wonderful huka when unlovely times and nightmare girl bomgyuuu WHO HE DOESN'T WANTTTT is RIGHT THEREEEEE
  • sookai which ik is real in the text and in canon and goes crazy or whatever but like thats 0for0shipping to me and I want to see both of them railed!!!!!!! their true and pure codependent love may win BUT I DONT!!! ... and I'm morally opposed to either of them topping each other so like. ONCE AGAIN!!! their true and pure codependent love may win BUT I DONT!!!!!!!!!!
  • I think the only other thing Im actually interested in is like beomkai … idk if they exist tbh … but the soobin triangulation would make it so goodddddd!!!!
Idk if I’ll end up shipping anything crazy or god forbid tyunning by the end of my moa catch-up but i hope notttt!!! TAEGYU. IS SO . PERFECT. to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! and they should be to YOU because the power of maniac pixie nondream girl x Just A Guy Someguy Tyuntyunnn <3 <3 <3 bomgu haruhi suzumiya to tyun's kyonnn >\\\\< MRRRP.

member breakdowns
okay this part is actually embarrassing. if the uh. section for the namesake of this post is embarrassingly long just pretend you didn't see. if it looks like I have some kind of bias. just. you know. if it looks like I misjudged who my 1pick is. just Trust Me. it's gemini szn and I love girls who are crazy more than ever rn. ANYWAY. I reallyyyyy like everyone and every member way more than I planned it's cwazyyyyyy. though I must say I think I chose the most perfect 2pick ever in the world for txt like I'm winning. somehow. like you can win in txt 2picking and I AM DOING THAT!!!

SOOBINI love my baby very much he is 🐰🐇🤍 like 🐰🐇🤍 yk like bnyuuuyyy like bnnyuuuyyyy🐰🐇🐇🐰🐇🐰🐇🤍🐰🤍🐰🐇🤍 1pick of worldddddd…

I think soobin is perfect … he clearly is quite independent and individualistic, but not to the extent where he will abandon teamwork or not fall victim to mob-mentality or so … HOWEVER it’s not in the interest of like placing himself first or giving himself the least amount of work or things like that, but making sure work is not unevenly distributed ;-; like in the interest of EQUALITY and FAIRNESS… which is really cute and a really interesting, but well-chosen trait for a leader ;; so cute when he did half the push-ups for beomgyu, and then when he saved round1 but felt guilty and donated every other time <333, and the way he wanted to hold onto the ps5 gift but was *pouty face* when hyuka actually let him keep it SOOO CUUUUTEEEEEE SOOBINNNNN.

otherwise soobin is so soft and cute and like baby but not actually baby like He is My Baby but he’s pretty normal in most respects… I like how huggy and excitable he is and I like how he’s very baseline and somewhat lowkey, but not in a way you can’t shake him into higher or lower energy levels. I would describe him as flexible … but then I also have to say his favouritism and preferences are sooo obvious always ;-; … the way he’ll like crane his neck to see what hyuka is up to at the other end of the room but won’t care about the person next to him is doing

I like that he is not strategically minded but isn’t above some opportunities for revenge and general mischief...I also think it's really cute how he'll go along with anything;-; I haven't really seen any of the heartfelt momence that nico mentioned, but I don't doubt that they exist and he is at least a little bit, the emotional heart of txt!!! also I love how delusionally he is gripping onto this 'sexy' concept image... Bby u are many things but not that. SORRY FOR HAVING SO LITTLE TO SAY...I just think soobin has the most perfect face of ever he is sooo handsome and pretty and cute; and he's sooooo beautifully proportioned and ridiculously tall and long and slender and most of all PERFECT in every way possible. and his speaking voice is such a nice tenor.

if anything, I really think he is a perfect fit into my 1pick themology of loving guys who are a little boring and earnest and somewhat culpable to delusion<3

STAGE
I think it's soooo fun to watch him dance, because he's sooo long and limbful and generally very graceful and well-practiced to his movements. SERIOUSLY HIS BODY LINES ARE SOOO BEAUTIFUL....who else blew up watching opening sequence? however. WE NEED RETURN OF THE CUTE FRESH FUN CONCEPT FOR HIM!!!! remember when soobin did a gg dance and it blew up so much that it literally became known as his song? AND THEN THEY IMMEDIATELY MOVED ONTO EDGY DARK CONCEPTS... cries cries cires YOU FOOLS STOP NERFING HIS STATS!!!
and I tweeted this already but I will transcribe it here:
  • (me)I actually really like goodboy gone bad but we need to stop letting soobin take hits just so yeonjun can show off his jokercosplay on stage
  • (me)WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR CUTE FRESH REFRESHING CONCEPTS? YEONJUN CAN DO THOSE TOO. BUT SOOBIN CAN'T DO BAD BOY!!!!
  • (nico)His face literally cant move in that way like seriously its not his fault. the least they could do is let him smile a little
I promise to return with more to say about soobin interiority and actualization and characterization next time other than just 🐰🐇🤍 ;-; I think I've mostly been watching content where other members shine more...but like seriously it's not my fault he's just 🐰🐇🤍 like he's 🐰🐇🤍you know hes like creature he's like 🐰🐇🤍🐰🐇🤍

bomgyu
can I just say that this is embarrassing? can I just say that I didn't expect to write so much about him at all. can I just say------ [dragged offstage by a cane]BOMGYUUUUUUUUUU… I saw in cat and dog mv he’s cat?coded and I was like So true he is a cat with doggo mannerisms. or vice-versa.

will the girl scholarship ever die? No! will kpop boy assigned girl meta ever end? NO!!! Will Beomgyu Is Does The GIRL? Yes.
  • he is my crazy [evil] girls of the WORLDDDDDD … ❤️❤️ if you don’t understand JUST UNDERSTAND. it’s seriously thru tho he’s not a crazy boy or simply crazy he’s Crazy Girls. of world. if you don’t get the nuance idk uhhh it’s like he’s maniac pixie dream girl of the group. but not actually anyone’s dream girl. So just manic pixie girl. he’s haruhi suzumiya. [taehyun is kyon, i hope this helps].he is impolite society and rude and he would blow up the universe for fun and everything should go his way and he has to fight everyone and the universe is centered around him AND HES MYYYYY PERFECT GIRL OF WORLDDDDDD.
  • sorry not my fault hes the main character of Ever to MEEEEEE!!!!! hes overdramatics and screaming and talking back and witty remarks and he [girl]bullies the boy he likes because he doesn’t know how to show his love and he’s TEENSY* AND SMALL* AND DELICATE AND HAS A FACE LIKE THAT!!! (*he is 5’10.) (*He Is 5'10.)
  • Oh. AND HE LIES JUST FOR FUN. HE LIES JUST TO LIE. my beautiful crazy girl of world who Loves chaos and discord and making the lives of everyone on set hard … random bomgyu moment I really loved was when they were picking which cookie and he tells yeonjun that his one is the one yj's reaching for and he doesn’t even care that yj was getting it first and then yeonjun just waits until everyone is done picking to grab his plate … like omgggg you really are seriously self-centric terrible girls of WORLDDDDD… yes the entire universe should revolve around you and bend to your will MY BBBYYYGIRLLLLL +++ omg in addition to this like the to-do getting off work episode and theyre filming his bit outside the studio room and he literally just Walks Off Camera to go back in and yell about forgetting to put the dakji(?) back. like he doesnt even explain to the person filming😭😭😭 Ok I understand not everyone would think this is charming but I think his thoughtlessness is so charming because he genuinely does have so many other charms to make it make senseee… like he would not be as perfect and terrible crazy horrible girl bullies of world unless he was like this!!!!
  • like as a tangent point I think marklee is like pretty thoughtless/lacks awareness like this too but in mark’s case you know it was because he was very well loved and cared for … versus with beomgyu it’s not out of an excess of affection that he’s like this, it’s just the way he is!!!!
  • I feel like I have to point out that I keep saying ‘center of universe’ etc as descriptors of him which is NOT AT ALLL like being the center of every room or being attention-catching or like simply doing so out of want for attention … he doesn’t care who is paying attention to him He Will Be Heard. Like all his dramatics and yelling aren’t to the point of getting his group members to pay attention to him, its because He wants to make an impassioned speech about how theyve betrayed 5 years of teamwork by not donating!!!!!! etc etc … SO PERFECTTT TO MEEE. and therefore even though only the camera is listening to him, I believe the universe should be rearrnaged to center around BEOMMGYUUUUU … idk like the kind of existence that’s like I exist so I’ll be loud about it. I exist so why shouldn’t I take up space? >>>HE IS SOOO PERFECT TO MEEEEEEE
  • EDIT 10/0622: I would more concisely describe him as 'A Very Hormonal Girl [She Is On Her Period].' 
I LOVE . BOM . GYU .

stage: why did they stop letting him rapper I WANT RAPPER BEOMGYU BACKKK. not because he raps particularly well or anything I just love prettyboy rappers and beomgyu is soooooo perfect for it and it wouldve been so funny to me!!!!! (...) on a different note, I think while he's maybe one of the weaker dancers, which seems mostly just due to him having less weight to throw around anyway so his moves don't feel as impactful ;; I THINK HE IS AMONG THE MAIN SLAYERS OF THE GOOD BOY GONE BAD STAGE!!! in general I think it's reallyyy fun to watch him on stage for like their more 'mature' concepts, like loser/lover/1x0/gbgb he gets so into itttt... also I love the thing he does with his voice... not that txt 'sing' but uhhh his voice being on kind of the deeper side and him always leaning into it IS SO PERFECTTT TO MEEEEE...idk ig it's like the quality of it going hoarse?... whatever I like it and think he's perfect!!! also gbgb stages are sooo funn to me in particular because he seems so small* (*He is 180cm) compared to the rest of them... so automatically it's like Awww Shawtys gonna come in now.... wtf am I even saying rn. whatever it's not like when ptg jinho or other goblin members do it tho, it's special because BOMGUUUU is the most special girls of the universe Of Ever. EVERY WORD I ADD MAKES THIS WORSE AND WORSEEE ICANTTTTT ICANTTTTTTTTT

kind of as a different aside I have to mention that he kind of is like jaemin if jaemin slayed. as in like he's gremlin. but actually he slays way more and also, asforementioned!!! IS A CRAZY GIRL!!!! which is so much more important than having a quality of being similar to jaemin.

ANYWAY sorry I just think beomgyu is sooooo perfect in every single way ever and have so much affection for him BECAUSE! HE IS!!!! PERFECTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! TO MEEEEEEEEE. beomgyu seriously walks into any set and asks ‘how can I make someone’s* day Worse?’ And regardless of whether he can come up with the answer he still does exactly that❤️(*yeonjun) (<- preliminary thoughts)

hyukaI would like hyuka so much more if he was a girlgroup member. How do I explain that. I LIKE HIM A LOT AS HE IS!!!! he and taehyun are equal to me!!!! its just that I don’t care for cuddly kind nice cutesy affectionate boygroup members… .____. Mrrp. I really like cutie aegyo girlgroup members though LAWLLLL... If I could change my tastes for him I WOULDDDDD… but like LOLLL. I love that he’s lame and I love that his speaking voice is so — ???? The way it is. I think he has a perfect awkward innocence to him and He is SOOO SWEEEETTTT everyone knows he’s so sweet but seriously🥲 he is so sweet and simple and happy and cheerful and it is sooo endearing and slay and lovely … hes so earnest and talented and THE REVERSE IS SO SO SOS SOOOOOOO CUUUTE … I think its genuinely so amazing how like you cannot tell that he’d be like this offstage from onstage. or that from offstage he’d be like That Onstage. I love that txt refuse to laugh at any of his jokes and I love that he'll keep going regardless of thatttt... I think he has that really unbashed air to him, where he's not shy or self-conscious, and will always just say what he thinks/offer his two cents/etc etc. realllyyyy realllyyyyy cute and perfect trait TO MEEEEEE. I feel like it's such a big tell of when someone's grown up with a lot of affection and love and care freely offered to them ;-; IDK I think you can tell he's just really loved.

stage: HE IS BY FARRRRR MY FAVOURITE MEMBER TO WATCH ON STAGE... esp for their recent stages [soobin always wins cute concepts TO ME] ... as I mentioned, his reversal charm goes crazy... but also he's such a good dancer and performer and singer!!!! like I'm pretty sure most of the reason I like gbgb is bc hyuka slays it so harddddd.... he also just went soooo fucking crazy in their frost perf like... DAMN. OKAY. like I think I'd already decided like by run away, when I was watching an angel or devil stage, that hyuka was the best performer out of them and also my favourite performer, and HE'S JUST. ONLY. GOTTEN. BETTER!!!! seriously so amazing to see him, I'm always blown away <333 <333 EVEN MORE SO NOWWWWW THAT I KNOW WHAT HES LIKE OFFSTAGE!!!

tyuntyunokay firstly Every moment I really am so sorry to taehyun for underestimating him so bad and manifesting negative thoughts towards him IM SOOOOWWWYYYYYYYYYYYY… I like him so much!!!! I think he's by far the most well-spoken and probably the most well-read and well-rounded member... SERIOUSLY SO SORRY FOR JUDGESTIMATING U SO HARD KINGGG... it kind of really is so fun to have him play as the straight man to the rest of txt's silliness and need for chaos. like It Will Always Be:
  • th: guys you win like this *demonstrates*
  • txt: why would we do that? that's for LOSERS and LAMEOS. real ones win by CHEATING and NOT CARING ABOUT THE GAME AT ALL
  • th: okay.
I like how he doesn't even get mad or annoyed he's literally just (man standing) WHICH IS SOOO PERFECT AND FUNNY... he has many hidden talents and capabilities... I think nose job slays really hard also... what am I even saying at this point, sorry I'm running out of things to say.... I like tyun <3 I think he works very hard and is very nice to his members and never holds anything against them which like I'm not sure how he accomplishes that, but he has far more mental fortitude than anyone else in the group.

stage: he's not my favourite to watch on-stage but you cannot deny he is very well-rounded and good at his job. EDIT: I would describe him as very textbook; in that he does exactly what he has to to make his performance good. sorry that I am not particularly passionate, like he's very good!!! I just am not watching tyun fancams on my own time like that .____. mrp

yeonjubwhat if you were a highranker who was a loser? IT'S NOT YEONJUN'S FAULT HE'S CURSEDDDD.... um the trials and tribulations one CHOI YEON JUN has gone through.... he's baby and slayer and I expected him to be ... more eye-catching? ? ? based off stantwt's general treatment of him, and all the fanservice affaciando tweets I've seen but eh. I like that he minds his own buisiness and does what he does competently and highrankerly and then Loses anyway. I kind of expected him to be more cutthroat but I guess it's like.... his image/words are sharper than his actual personality and actions. from what I've seen so far, I think he's very considerate[-ly affectionate?] if not like cuddly affectionate ... ok I legitermitly have so little to say.... first of all I'm tired second of all I am not paying attention to him WHEN BEOMGYU OFFSCREEN DOING SOMETHING. ok sorry. he's a slayer he slays!!!

stage: he's the center. what do u want me to say? he's not center-like? if he wasn't the center, he would not be the center. he's the center for a reason like he has yet to be replaced by hnk!!! which speaks for itself I feel. I do really think his hair slays for gbgb and that his joker cosplay rap part Also slays. oh YEAH also one of the only 4th gen bg rappers I like >.> ... OHHHH I also saw a youtube short that was like claiming he makes every dance look super hard... and I AGREE... he really pays attention to detail when dancing it's quite amazing... again! highranker slayer who slays!!!

closing notes.... er...... here is my favourite good boy gone bad stage LOL. why is it so good you ask? all the members who I think should be wearing chokers are wearing chokers. also beomkai in a lowcut shirts ahhhhhhh aaaaaaahhhhh... perfect amount of skin reveal for MEEEE. OK just in particular beomkai look sooooo good and slayyyyy so hard in this. hahaha thank u if u read, bye byeeee.

fwcu: (Default)
ok I will genuinely try to be brief and like speedrun thru everything I've read the past 6months~ . by which I mean two books I read in december and like everything I've read in the last month. and no one say anythingggg about how this entire list is scavenged from braintransplant.dreamwidth.org/tag/books like it's my fault I'm unoriginal.

list: olondria, the foundation series + prequels, the imperial radach, the sparrow, drive your plow over the bones of the dead, a memory called empire
to read: my name is red(60%), a little life, foundation sequels, left hand of darkness, deathless, asimov's short stories, maxmin gorky's short stories, nemesis, a desolation called peace.

(...)
THE WINGED HISTORIES sofia samatar
this ruined my life when I read it. which is really funny because both DURING reading and after I was like Wowwwww.... 60% of this book sucks major ass, but the 30% that was good literally killed u dead and the other 10% was just pretty writing for the sake of pretty writing. I will be honest literally everything this book was supposed to be about went over my head because I tend to focus on personal narratives opposed to the bigger picture sofia samatar painted... the reviews I read of this book that got me to read this book, all like were like 'it's about the pieces left after War' well I thought it was about the pretty writing. definitely top10 books ever that rip your heart out though.
some lines:
  • In the desert there are empty places, but once we were not afraid. We rode through noon. You sang, my heart is white with love.
  • Sometimes she made herself eat the charcoal as a sort of penance and vomited ecstatically over the balcony.

A STRANGER IN OLONDRIA sofia samatar
the problem with this book is that it's travel vlogging, but also trying to set a religious war and show it's machinations From The Perspective of A Dude Who Doesn't Know Shit and is Only Cataclysmically Involved and keeps Promising u the most heart-wrenching love story ever and then only delivers for about <30 pages out of it's 300 page runtime. that love story, when you finally reach it, is very worth it. or, jessivet's story is worth wading through the whole book for. ALSO. the folktales invented for olondria lore are so beautiful and worth reading for... I do think the story of the cousins's should've been in TWH to set up for siski/dasaya and warm the reader's heart towards cousincest, because reading this After just makes u realize Ah. or made me realize Ah. IDK in general all the folklore introduced and written was so seamlessly and thoughtfully placed and weaved through with the narrative. like terrible book, but as it is with sofia samatar, worth reading for the 20 pages of unbearably beautiful writing.

some lines:
  • I am the last thing you will see, I said in my heart. I am the last, I have carried you in my arms, I have brought you home.
  • Life comes back, the shadows of leaves.


THE FOUNDATION TRILOGY isaac asimov
my mom was obsessed with me reading these books and so I read them. it WAS fun reading old classic scifi by the Inventor of the genre interspersed with modern sci-fi written by women who know Women and Gay People Also Exist. and that ethnic ambiguity is the name of the game now. these books + a discussion with my dad made me realize like Wow...Wait ...YEAHHHHHH scifi is about sociology/anthropology not robots and tech. it's interesting because I read these after Mempire and between Imperial Radach so the difference in what subjects the respective authors focused on and cared about was a fun comparison. I think the charm of the foundation series is that Asimov locked himself into a short story anthology format, and as the trilogy progresses you see him try to break it by making longer and more closely related [both in time and characters] and ... honestly I think it makes the books less and less effective as you read, but still good. I think some of these books are clever, and I think it's hilarious that you can see his switch into Feminism and Second Wife Making Him Realize Women Are People And Therefore Book Characters Too.... Arcady Darell forever in my heart as she is THEEEEE HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE LITTLE GIRL OF THE WORLDDDD....

PRELUDE TO / FORWARD THE isaac asimov
these books suck so much ass compared to the original series. and are too obsessed with robots. which #yasss continuity etc etc #TheIACU [Isaac Asimov Cinematic Universe] but like genuinely, I think you can tell how much more of a short fiction writer Asimov is and how he always returns to this short-split form rather than a true chaptered format. but seriously, these books drag and while some of the exposition about how trantor functions and is bound to fall is interesting, it's like nowhere near interesting enough to make up for a painfully boring protagonist and a forgone conclusion about ROBOTS. I think had it really focused more on how this journey added to Seldon's creation of psychohistory, then it would've been much more worth the read, but Asimov didn't even TRYYYYY on that front. whatever.



ANCILLARY JUSTICE
ann leckie
(original thread)
can I just say. gt9? flop. Mempire? flop. any other gay progressive scifi I might be inclined to read? Pre-emptively, Flop. THE IMPERIAL RADACH? INVENTED. I need to dedicate another reread to these books and an entire three essays about these books but GOD. please please please if you read anything from this list ... ANCILLARY JUSTICE!!!! ANCILLARY JUSTICE!!!! first of all I think this book is perfect even as a standalone, and then is perfect as not a first book, but a prequel of sorts. I think when you read mercy/sword, they read as 'Main Plot' and justice then feels like the expositionary pre-show that sets up for explaining all about Breq and how they got here and so forth. in saying that. AGAIN. this book is the perfect standalone, and I think, in more of an objective way than my personal opinion way, this is probably the best Book of the 3. It's literally space adventure. that's it. it's like.... the perfect literary equivalent of 'It's about the Journey, not the Destination' ... also the first and only book where like there are Stakes of some sort and Breq isn't like omnipotent, OP, has everything figured out, hemlock shlomes-esque... I loved this book because it genuinely just feels like you're --- IDK this is about to sound sooooo stupid but it's like The Essene of Reading where you're learning more as the book progresses and you really are like On This Journey with Breq and dealing with Seivarden and trying to kill Emperor of the Galaxy and realizing over and over it's Grief, you're feeling Grief, this is all about Grief this is -- Breq is the last remaining fragment of a grief-crazed AI, which has just managed to trigger a civil war.

lines:
  • The omen Stillness had flipped, become Movement. And Justice was about to land before me, clear and unambiguous.
  • She was never one of my favourites.

ANCILLARY SWORD / ANCILLARY MERCY
ann leckie
I think these books are just One Book. in terms of books, they are a duology and ancillary justice is the prequel ... but like. spiritually. this is just one book. Again, Justice was for people who wanted Journeys and Epics Lows and Highs ... sword/mercy are for people who love to watch sherlock episodes and nod as everything is fixed and Breq always has a contingency plan and everything always works out perfectly. I would almost say feel-good in terms of Plot. BUT LIKE. THE PLOT IS A FLIMSY EXCUSE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO BUILD THE CONCEPTION OF
ANCILLARIES. SHIPS. THEIR CAPTAINS. THEIR OFFICERS.
ONNNN... people will be like X media Invented a New Form of Love. and X media is never Ancillary Mercy. and therefore that statement is untrue. I think these last two books are sooooo charming, not because the plot is particularly moving or interesting as it was in justice; but because of the way the cast interacts with each other and all the little subplots and subpolitics like.... the intricate rituals between two ships....one ancillaryless one shipless..... the teaseat politics haptics .... whatever the fuck was happening with the translator.... IDKKKK it's kind of a very charming 'workplace' setting ... and then like randomly near the end of the series you get the most fucked up conversation of all time ever between Breq, Ship, while like Seivarden and also a bunch of other officers Are Right THEREEE....... T-TT-T-T-T-T--T-T-T

lines:
  • ...but back at Omaugh Palace, weeks ago, the Lord of the Radch tried to assign me a new captain and I told her I didn't want anyone but you. Which was foolish, because of course she could always force me to accept her choice. There was no point in my protesting, nothing I could say or do would make any difference. But I did it anyway, and she sent me you.
  • And I like Lieutenant Seivarden well enough, but mostly because she loves you.
THE CAT THAT ATE THE LEMON.JPEG THAT I AM TODAY.... I think it's soooo fucked up because this directly goes back to Once Again being about Lieutenant Awn and how she was doomed no matter what, but had she known, she would've refused earlier. IDKKKKKKKK this books were so good and changed my life forever maybe even. I think it was crazy that it was set in book1 that this was all because of and For Lieutenant Awn and that held true through the end. SO GOOD.



THE SPARROW mary doria russell
imagine my surprise when I read this book and assume it was published in 2019 and it was actually published in 1996. that's how woke it is. but surely I have more feelings about this book besides how modern it reads.... and to answer that... I think that very few authors are willing to make their characters devout, but it's just True that religiosity adds layers to a character and a narrative that makes it Fuck ... the only other example in my mind is Daredevil really. but ummm... seriously this book settled my views on the intersection of characters and their beliefs, and I think a character who is devout is always more compelling than a fuckall athiest/agnostic.
aside from that, I cannot say anything about this book that is not constantly referenced through out it - which is - 'Not comedy. Not tragedy. Perhaps, farce?' (...) not to plagiarize braintransplant's review wholly but this book makes it very clear what happens, and what will happen and what it's about and You Know. You are an omniscient reader! you know!!! and it's still like being slapped in the face. like. really. COMEDY? TRAEGDY? FARCE? I think it handles some of it's emotional punches far better than others, and I think for the sake of readability, it chooses to deafen some of the more tragic moments but like, the waves those leave still ripple later into the narrative. one of the moments that broke me most most retroactively, was when Emilio speaks of how his rape was transcribed into poetry and songs and how everyone on earth surely had heard those broadcasts and I ended up thinking of how both Sofia's physical prostitution and intellectual prostitution were in complete privacy and that No One Knew and No one would have ever known and how it was both a perfect crime and her secret to bear completely alone for the end of her life. and how Emilio's is the complete opposite because it's sexual slavery, and it was so publicized, not only to Eden, but to Earth and confesses to an Audience of it. IDKKKKKKKK. IT JUST BROKE ME SO BAD. LIKE I WAS JUST GENUINELY SHATTERED AT THEIR RESPECTIVE TRAGEDIES.

lines: sorry that these are 1:1 to the lines braintransplant choose but it . LIKE THOSE REALLY WERE THE PARTS.
  • “But it was my body. It was my blood," he said, choking with fury. "And it was my love”
  • “Not one sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.” / “But still, the sparrow falls,” Felipe said.
  • “The problem with atheism, I find, under these circumstances," he continued with academic exactitude, each word etched on the air with acid, "is that I have no one to despise but myself. If, however, I choose to believe that God is vicious, then at least I have the solace of hating God.

DRIVE YOUR PLOW OVER THE BONES OF THE DEAD Olga Tokarczuk, trans. Antonia Lloyd-Jones
this book is funny as a comedy. mid as a book. I enjoyed it far less than I thought it would. it's not the crazy old woman-ism got old, but everything that Detracted from that got old. the letters to the police were the highest parts. and then everything else moved soooo slowly like I think it was the constraint of linear timeline that made this book kind-of a pain to get through like it would've been very fun if it was just stream of consciousness narrative voice allowed to do Fuck All and Also Murders are happening in the background. IDKKKK. anyway I 100% think this book should be read as a comedy.

lines
  • "I know, I know I'm neurotic and oversensitive, and I should go and get treatment." She glanced at me with sudden hope, as if expecting me to contradict her, but meanwhile I was noting mentally that there are still normal people in this world.
  • I find this division of people into three groups – skiers, allergy sufferers and drivers – very convincing. It is a good, straightforward typology. Skiers are hedonists. They are carried down the slopes. Whereas drivers prefer to take their fate in their hands, although their spines often suffer as a result; we all know life is hard. Whereas the allergy sufferers are always at war. I must surely be an allergy sufferer.
  • This is a very rare configuration of the planets, and thus I have great confidence in commending it to the attention of the Police. I am taking the liberty of enclosing both Horoscopes, in the expectation that the police Astrologer will consult them, and then support my Hypothesis
  • It’s strange how the Night erases all colours, as if it didn’t give a damn about such worldly extravagance.


A MEMORY CALLED EMPIRE arkady martine
isn't it fucked up that all the most interesting shit in this book happens like. in the preludes of each section. Fucked up. terrible plot. interesting linguistics. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ROMANCE FUCK THREE SEAGRASS. huge L for old man yaoi. ummmmmmm..... not bad overall. sorry this was 10 million years ago and I remember not liking it enough to immediately read the sequel but it still being vaguely interesting enough to make me at least think about reading the sequel. literally like, the sparrow did the linguisitics better, and imperial radach did Everything Else better. STILL imago-tech was a very very veryyyyy cool innovation


BE FUCKING FREE!!!! sorry that these 'reviews' are in noooo way helpful or communicate anything At All about any of these books at all. if it helps, my recommendations are ancillary justice and the sparrow. 

+++ ash's review of twh, which is super super insightful + director's cut of beautiful lines  Anddddd   noura's imperial radach posts  which goes wayyy more into depth about the books 

fwcu: (JEAN)
longtime no updates…. WELL, here are my updates. uid: 62206621

PULLS
event wish
>pulled on ganyu banner, ONE. ONE xingqiu came home [c1], got the second one [c2] from lantern rite instead of getting yunjin [tears]. ganyu came home at pity. both beidou and yanfei are c4.
>pulled ON BELOVED YAE MIKO FOXWIFE BANNER. Have received: my C5 dwiona… my r5 widsith [pulled last refinement while pulling yae]. another favonius greatsword. ?flop. C3 FISH!!!!!! girl of world who I wanted MOSTTTT. and c2 thoma.
>yae weapon banner looks so slay that I did a tenpull…. I wanted. either stringless or sac sword. I received. painslasher. I’m telling myself that it’s OK. that’s building pity for my mistsplitter summons round 2… yeah I’m coping. It was going to be for when I pulled ayato with his signature weapon EXCEPT. that’s a crit rate weapon and he’s. He’s. He Is. hp scaling and I have JADE CUTTER. so mistsplitter or bust.
>oh I guess I didn’t mention it. I got yae at 78 pity on the 50/50. WIFE HAS BEEN SECURED. WITH 50 WISHES FOR WIFE 2 STILL LEFT.

standard
>got. My r5 fav bow. Thanks diona is really enjoying it.
>got. My c3 lisa. Thanks, I was just thinking 'Huh I wonder if my lisapulling luck is gone, I haven’t seen her in a while...' … and so she came. might use her as yae one shot build burst support
>got. skyward pride at 30 pity and started building it because Beidou. Needs ER [op doesn’t even use beidou] (...) and then at 24 pity. I got. WGS. Wow. that would be a great claymore for my claymore users. IF I USED CLAYMORE USERS.

— nothing else memorable of note.

builds/teams/etc [NEW!!!]ganyu — lvl80 / prototype crescent r5 / 2100 atk / 49:213 CR:CD / 140 EM / 120 ER
>used up all my bow prototypes before I even had a chance to go… Huh. maybe I should build hamayumi. whatever r5 crescent goes fucking crazy. ganyu in general. Facking crazy!!!
>ganyu is a pull I made because I have notorious and terrible history of only pulling 5* subdpses/supports… and never pull a dps that will do shit for my account. so. but I really do enjoy charged shot playstyle because it makes me feel like I have skill sometimes [arguable], and it’s fun to play her!
>her talents are 10/6/6 … because, Yes. crowned her day1 with all the books I was farming for yunjin LOLLLLL …. But like, what are you going to do when you get ganyu. not crown her autos? Um… I will probably level her to at least 10/6/8 if not 10/8/8 but … it’s not that important atm.

yae — lvl90 / widsith r5 / 1900atk / 77:211 CR:CD / 120 ER
>yes she needs more ER. yes I’m farming leylines for the first time in forever because I need to 90 her. other than jean, she is the only character who will consistently be in my showcase because. FAVOURITE PRIVILEGES. also. she’s going to be my character pfp forever I HAVE BEEN WAITINGGGGG.
>her teams are….they’re going to be interesting. I tried to play some form of taser in abyss, but floor11 is a shitshow for her and…I reallyyy need to learn that team otherwise nothing’s going to come out of it….
>got her to 6/8/6 day1 … YES I did the story quest so I could unlock the boss so I could level her. I’m definitely going to get her to 9/9/9 [favourite privileges] if not 9/10/9 … probably 9/10/9.

rosaria — lvl70[/80] / skyward spine / 1500 atk / 70:143 CR:CD / 220 EM / 140 ER
>guess who I decided to build. Approximately. Two seconds before yae banner dropped.
>I wanna play reverse melt… because… it will free up kazuha and xingqiu for yae… etc.
>she uses ballad books which has to be the worst thing in the world because I am never escaping this wednesday/tuesday slot curse (...) ummmm. guys if I ever build a character that will need a monday slot … like know that that’s not me. I’ve been impostered.
>so her talents are … 1/7/4 … because… I have her c3 so she gets 3 levels in her skill…. anyway I’ll 80 her At Some Point, and then ummm … slay the abyss with reverse melt!

team comps
[momiji-dyed court] — jean / qiqi / diona / ganyu
— this is the most cope team ever. I want qiqi’s namecard, so she’s here. I want Jean to be listed as my most used character in my #GenshinWrapped so I bring Jean to like every domain. Ganyu needs a shield or else she’ll die. so.
rotation: diona hold E > ganyu E > ganyu CA until diona E wears off, repeat. if ganyu dies, press jean Q.

[overworld enkanomiya] — kazuha / venti>jean / diona / ganyu
— this was a pretty good exploration team. I ran a crit venti build for his wind current being extremely useful and then I was like haha! I forgorrr this guy was pretty fun to use!!! and then I switched in jean once and never went back. I legit have like, separation anxiety if I don’t use jean in my teams. ganyu kills everything in the overworld supah supah fast and even faster if kazuha is there. so.
rotation: diona hold E > swirl cryo > ganyu CA. everything dies! people explode!

[daily comms friendship collection] — jean / chongyun>yae / qiqi / ganyu
— remember what I said about separation anxiety when No Jean? LOLLL. Ok it’s true that I was originally running jean because she’d one-shot everything when I was trying to get friendship with extremely unbuilt/unartifacted characters [sara, beidou, xinyan, razor] … but now she’s here because I Love Her…
— you’d think with me running jean on every team she’d have like…her support build [4vv, ER] but uh. No. nope. no. UPDATE: lvl90'd skyward blade and put jean on 4noblesse 200% ER build ummm SO GOOD. SUPPORT JEAN SLAYS!!!!
— replaced chongyun with yae as soon as I got her… and now it’s like Do I use ganyu to beat everything or do I use yae? the answer is that they can Both do it. So there is no rotation LOL. I also use this team to do leylines lol. BY GOD WE ARE GETTING THAT QIQI NAMECARD.
rotation: there is no rotation. just. Be Free!

[overworld farming team] — kazuha / fish / jean / yae
— guess who was waiting to farm sakura blooms until YAE MIKO was home. yes I was deadset on Ayato having sakura blooms as his ascension materials because [wailing] KAMISATO SIBLINGS— (pulled off stage with a cane, etc, more on this later) … anyway, so this is my sakura blossom + nobushi farming team
rotation: fish E > kazuha E > yae EEE[QEEE] (...) unfortunately. most enemies are dead after kazuha E so…

last notes
— fish is on r3 stringless, kazuha on r5 fav, jean on jade cutter obvs.
— currently back2 the saving grind for my wife the 2nd, ayayayato. I’m like. Being delusional and deeply hoping that if I do one tenpull on raiden banner, she will miraculously come home. because yae er is free. so here is to hoping!!!
— less pertinent but still like, #need is… kazuha c2 [yes I would pull for a constellation over a new character. I Only Like To Play Characters I Already Have]... mistsplitter [my dreams of having a jean build for every sword still remains]. ayayaya. who will hopefully NOT be rerun with her brother because the cope I will have to eat at that point TT.

other plans
[weapons]
— I need to level90: skyward blade [bennett, support jean], stringless [venti, fish], skyward spine [xiangling, rosa].
— other weapons I’m Hmmm…. on building: anenoma kageuchi [jean, future ayayayaya], dragonsbane [xiangling, rosaria], might need to build sac bow(...)

[characters]
— bennett lvl 80? 1/6/8

resin management
>tues/wednesday/friday/saturday/sunday slots — TALENT BOOKS [op is throwing up] diligence [ganyu], ballad, elegance, light.
>mon/thurs — everything else

priority level
*YAE LVL90
*YAE 9/9/9 > 9/10/9
*ROSARIA 1/6/8
*[ayato prefarm hypothetical start] >> hydro hypostasis runs
*BACK 2 MOMIJI-DYED COURT FOR MORE BAD ARTIFACTS.

>in terms of savings
8.4k primos. 54 starglitter. no pity. ok 11 pity on weapon banner.

TOP 5 BL

Dec. 29th, 2021 06:43 am
fwcu: (JEAN)
imagine my agonies of making a top5 bl list and then being, well, Me and having it somehow encompass um... 45~ titles more or less. I do not go into detail about ALL of them, but this will be painful to format.

some notes:
  • ok I am the most pretentious person on earth and I am a MANGA-PURIST, so while I could've included a lot of [korean] webtoon, I DID NOT! I will probably make a separate post for top5 bl webtoons because that's a whole different beast yk.
  • um. this will become increasingly obvious if you go through the titles, but my only standard for bl is that uke=black-haired. ik other people have other standards but uh, not me.
  • okay I lied I DO have standards. while true that I have um, killed off 55% of all BL titles ever and will not be able to enjoy them. the things I recommend and/or truly love and treasure, have to be LITERATURE. kind-of. sort-of. IDK my standards are like: good art, black-haired uke, decent writing, reasonable plot/Worth Suspending Disbelief For plots...
  • Oh So the girl who's like I only liike Edgy stuff or Violent Stuff or Toxic Relationships or Like Hardcore Triangulated Shit and Dark Themes and Tragedy and Love Is Not Enough and all that stupid Higher Refined Taste Shit ... Apparently she LIED about all of that. so what if MY TASTES DO NOT RESEMBLE MY TASTES!!! love is LOVE. also I have never hidden the fact that my favourite trope the trope of all time my no.1 trope in the world is BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS!!! so. expect a lot of nice stuff.
  • I use mangago which is yaoi infested and up until a couple months ago, had a really funny forum vibe going on. therefore all of my links will mostly be mangago links, which unfortunately needs an account to be nicely functional. however, I'll tend to refer authors back to their mangaupdates pages because the list of works will be more accurately reflected there.
  • probably will refrain from trying not to spoil too much of the plot... therefore IDK my reviews might be really vague and bad.

anyway, I have actually made. much more than one list of top5 BLs. but, before we even get into that. until I started to main black-haired uke, my favourite mangaka was
hayakawa nojiko, and my top BL of all time was kurayami ni strobe.

THE POST for realsies

TOP 5 BL

1. KOGARETE KOGASHITEnoji
ok you will literally never know the hold noji-sensei has on my brain and my likes and everything that ever gets me... THIS GOT ME SOOO BAD... I’m so glad clowncar finally picked it up again I thought I was going to have to die at ch.2 forever, and idk when the rest of the chapters, if ever, will come out, but they’ve had sex by ch.4 so it’s basically like Yeah the story can end here [EVEN THOUGH IT CLEARLY DOESN’T...] ... also just found out today that it has EIGHT CHAPTERS IN TOTAL... please please please the rest of it in my mouth please
  • tags: #childhood_friends_to_lovers, #food_as_love, #work_burnout, #reunion, #domestic, I think that covers it basically....
  • art: I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN NOJI-SENSEI HAVING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ART IN THE WORLD!!! the other contender on this list is hayakawa nojiko, who has extremely beautiful lines and crazy panelling and concepting (...) HOWEVER, I think there is a warmth in the thick and messy lines that noji uses and how much they like to fill or not fill a space, and the way they shade and what parts they shade and how they do hair, and especially, especially, THEIR EXPRESSIONS!!! I think there is such a human quality to all their expressions, that isn’t about how pretty does someone look and is never ever cardboard-like; but is just very real movements of the face and how sometimes you will not make pretty expressions or have pretty faces or pretty emotions at many things!!! I think esp in the sex scenes... their faces aren’t particularly erotic in any sense, but still are soooo intimate somehow and they are just SO SO SO FUCKING GOOD at conveying movement and fleeting gesture and the Enormity of small touches, the scene in ch3 where yuuji follows souichi into the kitchen and sinking lower and lower into the floor as the dreads sets in and souichi washes the glasses then dries his hands and goes to kneel beside yuuji and the WAY IT JUST SHOWS THEIR FEELINGS as the panels progress.... IT IS JUST SO FUCKING ROMANTIC AND HUGE AND MEANINGFUL AND ROMANTIC AS FUUUUCK!!! helps also that they once posted their ummm black-haired uke line-up(? presumably. they have a type i see) and my exact type is seriously souichi T-T okay also last thing, I PROMISE it's actually the last time, but uh THE WAY THEY DRAW BODIES IS SOOO.....cries cries cries ... it's sooo attractive and also realistic and also like the difference in body shape nevermind no real size difference like noji-sensei seriously is such a good artist and captures all her characters so perfectly and so fully... UWAHHHHH
  • overall: UM DO YOU LIKE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WHO REUNITE YEARS LATER AND BECOME LOVERS? DO YOU LIKE ROMANCE THAT PROGRESSES IN A MUNDANE AND INTIMATE WAY? DO YOU LIKE WARMTH AND LOVE AND AFFECTION AND THE EASY GRACE OF HOW SOMEONE ACCEPTS LOVE? do you also perhaps like. fluffy guys who are a little hapless and sharp guys who are really kind together??? CRIES. CRIES. CRIES. food as love is a huge thing in this too...... IT’S NOJI-SENSEI. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. JUST EXPECT THAT THIS IS FULL OF WARMTH AND LOVE AND DRAWN WITH CARE AND LOVE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THE INNATE INTIMACY OF SMALL AND QUIET ROMANCE AND DAILY LIFE!!!
  • sorry I love noji-sensei so bad and I love love so bad and this couple in particular was like perfectly crafted to kill me so bad and strike my heart with ten million arrows and they are EVERYTHING TTTTTT TO MEEEEEE... I think like T-T perhaps the translation is not the best of all time, but it still manages to capture the tsundere-not-tsundere-ness of souichi who accepts yuuji’s affection very easily and gracefully and has that affection for him in return (...) and it perfectly captures how earnest and hapless yuuji is and how he has held onto this love for so long, and it even more perfectly captures how they both feel for each other TwT ... it really is like that panel where souichi thinks about how there are so many things he does not know about yuuji now and how souichi thought so earlier... IDK IT IS SO PERFECT TO ME... I think a lot of time, manga tends to fall short on how someone reciprocates this sort of love, but noji-sensei is perfect and therefore they show it perfectly with the T-T gentle fantasizing about yuuji during office hours and smiling contentedly T-T ok this is gay but like, it reminds me of sib saying to NOT TO ME but someone else that they already loved them as a friend and that affection was there, how much harder would it be to love them as something more? and noji-sensei really perfectly encapsulated that!!! it is not that the love never existed before!!! it was there and now it’s taking a different shape!!! a different step!!
  • okay also Noji is soooo good at creating charming side characters and letting them have meaningful interactions while also retaining their own character and not only being a mouthpiece for like Pushign someone to a confession.... IDK i love sagi-san and nekohara so much they're sooo cute and have so much personality with their designs alone T-T THIS AUTHOR SERIOUSLY IS SO PERFECT IM TELLING YOU!!!
  • characters: OBVIOUSLY I LOVE YOUICHI... guys with handsome and pretty faces and beautiful eyes who are quick but not unkind (...) !!! my ideal character!!! I love that he just talks a lot and that talk sounds unkind but is not meant seriously!! the tsundere-not-tsundere-isms TT, the patience!!! OBVIOUSLY... I'm telling youuuu noji-sensei JUST UNDERSTANDS ME... I love yuuji too, who is my ideal configuration for a top [earnest, good-hearted, a little anxious, puppy, soft and handsome looking] (...) I THINK LIKE... IMO... THEY HAVE PERFECT CHEMISTRY.... IDEAL LOVE STORY... sorry I think also in most bls... their positions would be relatively reversed. but because they are in the CORRECT POSITIONS [to me] THEY ARE THE MOST PERFECT AND ROMANTIC CONFIGURATION EVER....
  • favourite moments: aftermath of the kiss, yuuji holding up the earring he found in souichi's room in college, sagi-san talking about her gf, the inherent Gay People To Other Gay People understanding between them.... seriously the conversation about what it might look like to other people ;_; IM DEAD, the sex scene which to me is the most tender and sexy and lovely and romantic sex scene of all time I HAVE NEVER DIED SO MUCH READING TWO PEOPLE HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME.... IT WAS SO T____T, ;______;, HOW CAN I EVER BEGIN TO SAY..., when they're at youichi's apartment and yuuji starts apologizing for being touchy and youichi says he misses eating yuuji's food T___T KILLL MEEEE, guys who can't say their true feelings at all T-T, when they're doing pillowtalk and yuuji asks about how youichi feels and youichi starts complaining about this and that and yuuji starts to apologize and youichi says 'I'm just annoyed because you looked so attractive.' YOUUUUU...., when they're having sex and yuuji asks if it feels good and youichi says he doesn't know and then asks, 'how about you, does it feel good doing it with me?' I MEAN LIKE. WHEN I SAID THIS WAS THE MOST PERFECT MOST ROMANTIC SEX SCENE OF ALL TIME... it's just !!! I think a lot of bl sex is like framed as seme taking and uke giving into pleasure but not being like actively invested or whatever... and it's very one-sided in a sense, but here, it's just... BOTH of them want this and BOTH of them care about the other, and BOTH of them want this to feel good for the other, and IDK they're both nervous and unsure and into it TTTTTTT NO WORDS...
  • how can I possibly have more to say.... SERIOUSLY JUST NOJI-SENSEI... I love you so much T-T (...) literally everytime I finish reading this, I just go back to chapter 1 to read it again T-T
similar manga:
  • Perfect Propose (tsurukame mayo): workaholics find love and meaning to their life once more... pretty decent but not as emotionally potent as a love story as it could be... quite compelling as a character study
  • Shiawase Gohan - Maki to Hanazawa (nanoka): food as love, I used to be sooooo obsessed with this... it's very cute and touching and heartwarming
  • Bokura no Shokutaku (mita ori): food as love [2], THIS ONE WILL KILL YOU DEAD... if you are suspectible to the many things I am susceptible to.

 
honestly, if you don't even care about BL but want something funny and cute to read....THISSSSS
  • tags: #online_relationship, #mistaken_identities, #coworkers, #thepowerofgamingasLOVE, #misunderstandings
  • art: SUPER SUPER CUTE!!! character design is a little typical for the main character, but the love interests designs are super handsome and perfect to meeeee...
  • overall: this has PLOT and is SO FUNNY and is SO SO SO CUTE I DIED EVERY DAY... but mostly it’s really funny and does not lean too hard on romance as it does, idk, natural relationship progression or whatever. the mundane and budding is ROMANZE and PERFECT and EPICALLY MEANINGFUL... sorry I love this one so much I did commit a reread and was like What the Fuck.... It is as perfect as ever.... the comedic timing on this is so funny and perfectttt
  • somewhat unfortunately this hella fucking set off my second lead syndrome.... HOW IS IT MY FAULT SALMON-KUN HAD THE MOST APPEALING DESIGN AND WAS SUPER CUTE AND THEIR FIRST MEETING WAS THE MOST PERFECT ROMANTIC SET-UP EVER.... what if you were a high school delinquent who thought I was a lame office worker and then you feel in love with me because I’m Nice and Kind and Diligent and we forgot about my demonic boss and pursued a beautiful and blossoming romance... sorry I died how is it my fault kumatarou is my 1pick (...) though I am not against shirase/hashimoto it was very cute and perfect, BUT I CAN IMAGINE THE REVERSE IN MY MIND OK.....
  • characters: kumatarou!!! sorry I love delinquents T-T... I loved his character design so bad SO HANDSOME AND PRETTY AND LOVELY... I also really loved how laid-back yet diligent and kind and thoughtful hashimoto was... T-T sorry ukes and main characters are usually so annoying and wimpy in bls esp with this kind of plot, but he was just really charming as a protag<333 obviously shirase was like my ideal love interest [intelligent, serious, straight-faced, cool-headed, handsome] ... overall just such a PERFECTTTT trio of characters with perfect chemistry between the three uwahhhhh!!!
  • favourite moments: EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND EVERY SINGLE PAGE WAS GOOD AND FUNNY... but um shirase giving kumatarou a ride in his car was so funny, also kumatarou just randomly being like 'wow I can join you guys for your offline meeting?;, hashimoto realizing he's been shittalking his boss To His Boss, hashimoto being like half-asleep and still being like Wow His Abs, um the illustration of 17 year old shirase with 12 year old hashimoto... IDK AGE DIFFERENCE IS SO SEXY when done right LIKE IN THIS MANGA..., hashimoto asking if he was doing well at work and shirase going 'not really', hashimoto going 'legit thought that was a confession' (...) POOR KUMATAROU....HE LITERALLY WOULD'VE WON THE LOTTERY THAT DAY IF HASHIMOTO WASN'T A STUPID IDIOT...., every scene of shirase smiling [HE IS SO HANDSOME I DIEDX1000000], every scene of kumatarou blushing [ALSO SO CUTE AND HANDSOME AND PRETTY I DIEDx3000], 'was your judgement sound when you decided to confess?', GOD THIS MANGA IS JUST SO FUCKING GOODDDD.
similar manga:


 
3. SENSEI NO SENSEI noji
as is typical of a noji-sensei work...everytime I read this and finish it, I literally go back to ch.1 and read the whole thing over again.... IT IS SO SWEET AND SOFT AND PERFECT... don’t u love kids and family and understanding and slow burn and perfectly mundane love stories.... TwT ... the feelings_realization scene in this is sooo perfect and it makes me die everytime and YOU SERIOUSLY JUST HAVE TO READ IT!!!
  • tags: #reunion, #teachers, #slice_of_life, #omegaverse [NOT LIKE THAT], #alpha_x_beta [IF THAT MATTERS...], #daily_life
  • art: RT everything I said before about noji-sensei except, somehow, I HAVE EVEN MOREEEE TO SAY!!!! I think this one really realllyyyyy captures how well noji-sensei does environments and small moments, and the fullness of a life and how they truly enjoy communicating that this is the space where this takes place ! again they have suchhh a way of just... Showing emotions via the fluttering subtle movements someone makes...IDK I think also, noji is soooo good at like, framing her scenes so that they're slowly revealed ... IE THE GENIUS HAND TOUCH SCENE...
  • overall: THIS IS JUST... SO GOOD... FUUUCK a lot of bl just uses omegaverse for like horny reasons, versus NOJI GENIUS SENSEI using omegaverse as a metaphor for like IDK growing pains basically iguess, I thought it was so thoughtful and gentle and meaningful...especially when yasumi does see ooji so many years later and sees that he's become a teacher and is very quietly happy about that... IDK I think it was so meaningful in that sense, SORRY FOR BEING UNABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF MY THOUGHTS... IDK it seriously was so meaningful that yasumi was such an important figure in ooji's life and they were able to remeet as equals and build a relationship... IDK IT WAS SOOOOOOO touching. sorry, I think this story really cares about teachers and students and the love that goes into teaching and guiding kids.... T_T (...) in the end notes, noji mentioned that they wanted to create a story full of hope and kindness and THEY SUCCEEDED... seriously reading this just transports you IDK.
  • characters: I lovedddd ooji soooo much TT (...) NOJI IS SOOOO GOOD AT CRAFTING CHARACTERS.....idk I love that he was earnest and good and kind and thoughtful and dying on the inside and sometimes the outside... he was so so soooo charming (...) yasumi sensei was soo good too ;_; it's true that a lot of bl tends to rely on um 2d surface optics for shallow character creation...but noji took like *soft and fluffy* and made it into a character who is thoughtful and conscious of himself and others and gentle, but never in a way that feels WEAK or patronizing to the character, you know? like all these traits are his strengths and what is admirable about him... FOR BOTH CHARACTERS... again I think they have such good chemistry because NOJI-SENSEI JUST GETS ITTTTT...
  • UWAAAHHHHHH.... favourite moments: the panelling of hands touching and how all of yasumi-sensei’s feelings are unsaid and how he’s just staring at his hand and then sinking into the couch and making dying noises ... SO CUTE ... also when he tells another teacher he'll go deal with the parking situation and she just says No, because *warm and fluffy*, all the scenes where ooji-sensei is being the most perfect and sweetest teacher ever, the running gag of landlady not sure who's approaching and holding random household items for self-defense, yasumi's brother seeing them speaking out on a walk and going 'fighting!' basically, 'even my pulse. being obvious has it's limits too...', THE ENTIRETY OF CHAPTER 5....which gives me the ability to say THE ENTIRE MANGA AND EVERY SINGLE PAGE AND PANEL AND TEXT BOX...., Idk how 'I have strong feelings for you' is the most romantic confession of love in the world BUT IT ISSS...., 'Because I really did love you back then,' HAD SUCH A STRONG AND MEANINGFUL SENTIMENT AND THIS perfect circle back to his younger self and finally accepting him and his feelings as true and genuine... T _ T
similar manga:
UMMM... UMMM... there is nothing *that* similar that comes to mind, but cute daily lifes go to Hige to Suzu to Shabondama (ymz, their best work imo); interactions with kids makes bokura no shokutaku (mita ori) come to mind, as well as Papa no Sukinahito (haruyama moto, which has the cutest bebe in existence TWT), and Oh My Hero! (cocomi), aaaand Kazoku Ni Narouyo; teachers makes... goodbye lilac and oni to tengoku come to mind. goodbye lilac being both much more serious and touching and about the same set up, while oni to tengoku is like every red flag on earth while also having somewhat of a similar set up... and I guess young bad education, but that one is suspect [actual teacher x student]..., ummm I think Awairo Emaki (fujitobi) is kind of similar in earnest guy x oblivious guy with similar themes about kindness and mentorship and shit ;; sorry I Really am at the end of my wits for this stuff TT


 
(1) this is the only manga ever that convinced me old men are sexy. actually maybe young bad education too. but like. this is REAL old men can be sexy propoganda. (2) this manga also, invented my favourite term ever which is ‘genderless boys’ because it’s true. TRUE.
  • tags: #age_gap, #office_romance, #coworkers, #boss_subordinate_relationships, #gap_moe(?)
  • art: I REALLYYYY LOVE THIS ARTIST'S ART STYLE... specifically in this work... I think like just skimming through the first chapter, the lines and expressions are so lovely and elegant, and the way they draw bodies is soooo nice and neat... AUGH... seriously every line is just so handsome IDK
  • overall: I can't actually explain why I like one so bad TT. you’re like there’s no way this made you believe love existed... well maybe not Really... BUT IT DID MAKE ME BELIEVE IN GRADUAL AND NATURAL PROGRESSION OF RELATIONSHIPS !!! idk that love and attraction are different things and require time and getting to know each other but patience and willingness matters more !!! I think it really did a good job in balancing the worries and issues that might rise up from two people like this...
  • characters: obviously, as lover of handsome capable guys, definitely am obsessed with nishiguchi (...) I actually also really enjoyed kimura ... though I kind of hate insecure guys, it's nice to see insecure guys who try not to be insecure I Guess...
  • favourite moments: GENDERLESS BOYS, okay sorry but that was hilarious, 'oh this person is not interested in me at all', the cheek kiss in the breakroom, 'can I stay over?' and the progression of events after T-T, IDK why but the detail about no morning sex was also so ... cute isn't really the word, idk I guess endearing >_<
similar manga:
  • friend line (sakumoto ayu): COWORKERS.
  • mie hariatte surechigai (yukue moegi): MORE COWORKERS.
  • there’s ummm... Naked Sword and the Tree Peony of Black (yukue moegi 2) and you’re Like How IS That Even Similar, and maybe to YOU it’s not, but I think it covers similar things about love being willingness/unwillingness as well as guys who seem cool on the outside but are definitely pathetic on the inside because of how much they want you...
  • 24 Jikan Ochi nai Kiss (katoh susu): MORE COWORKERS...[boss subordinate] while on all counts, just the worse way more smutty, way longer version of this, does replicate pretty much the exact dynamic (and if you want WORSE 24 jikan och nai kiss, then Sakurada-senpai Kaizou Keikaku exists!!]
  • boku no sex star (tamekou): you’re like What and I’m like What and you’re like What? and I’m like... WELL it’s about a guy who has gay sex and then goes along with it ... so it’s Basically the same... AND I’D BE CORRECT!] [sorry I just really wanted to rec this SOMEWHERE because it's kind of funny and stupid and also has a younger guy x older guy slight generation gap thing]


 
yes there are two contenders for fifth place yes I couldn't choose TT funny enough they both do kind of fall into the same categories... ummmm did someone want perfect shoujo style bl? shoujo manga that is just bl? aaaaaguuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh........ well..... Guess Who Has Provided.
re: ashita wa ieru kana
  • tags: #school_life, #shoujo, #shounen_ai, #love_triangles(squares), #meddling(?)
  • art: the art is soooo good and uses such simple and beautiful sparse lines... I think there's such a wonderful feeling encompassed in the uncertainty of those lines and it's just sooo... Uwahhhh... I think some of the art just looks like it was scribbled on plain white paper and I think that's what makes it so beautiful... IDK I feel like from every angle, you can tell this was a story created from the heart and not exactly a finished and polished product the way other manga can feel...in the end note, the author mentions that they just drew what they liked and it ended up kind of all over the place; and I think that comes through so well and I think they truly succeeded in creating a story worth reading that was full of charm and heart and perfect highschoolerisms T-T
  • overall: yes it's not like this plotline is anything new for shounen ai, but I think it really captures the boysboysboysness of BOYS and also the girlsgirlsgirlsness of GIRLS and how boys can be boyish and maidenly and girls can be girlish and roughly-hewn and everything in between and beyond... at the heart, it's just a story of three different crushes and how big everything feels in highschool and being SIXTEEN and DUMB, and no one knows how to deal with their emotions!!!worth noting that this manga also gave me so many fucking complexes about WHOOOOOO IN A LOVE SQUARE SHOULD END UP WITH WHOOO ... ch.6 p.17 (...) MAN...
  • favourite moments: TAKATSUKI YOUR FEELINGS TT__TT, the entire progression of that scene > giving ichi his scarf, thinking about how it's so bitterly obvious to him what ichi's love looks like and how his shortcomings make him charming, the ending scene of the epic fail mall date T-T, icchi's smile in the extra when takatsuki gets flustered at the kiss... THE FRAMING OF ALL THE KISSES >>><<<, MAN... MAN.....
re: galge no sekai de shinyuu ♂ ga ore o sukida to iidashite!?
  • tags: #school_life, #best_friends_to_lovers, #possessive_boyfriends, #otome_game_parody
  • art style: v similar to online gaming!!! where it’s quite geometric and sharply lined and all... SO CUUUUTEEEEEE.... to me :,) for some reason I feel like everyone on earth is acquainted with fujitobi so you should just know!!!
  • overall: this one is SOOOOO CUUUTE I DIED.... likes: best friends, humour, girls, funny and stupid story gimmicks, possessive and handsome and pretty boyfriends TwT AND FUJITOBI DELIEVERED
  • characters: just like icchi is a stupid boy who is not caught up with his heart but definitely trying to chase after it... so is AOI!!! and in the same way, ritsuki is like reserved and intelligent and observant and A Little Ladylike, and they're both TRYING THEIR BEST!!! T____T BOYS WHO ARE BOYS....
  • favourite moments: aoi seeing ritsuki's love visualized for him [the outpour of it nevermind not doing anything TT]..., 'you're so loud. quiet down, heart... ...no that isn't right... it's not mine,' ritsuki's love bar breaking thru the screen TT
similar manga:
ok if u have read one fujitobi you will enjoy/can read all the other fujitobis.... umm genuinely everything that applies from online gaming applies here too ;; Kimi no Tabegoro which is about making your straight best friend bottom for you via being a possessive little freak TwT, Cupid ni Rakurai which is about love in highschool and boysboysboysisms and matchmakingisms!

I will be making a different post with my bonus other lists (...) I wrote while while drafting this post... a part 2 if you will... that will have Much Less Talking. 
fwcu: (raiden shogun)
kaejean post 1/x million. it's about how kj are emma/knightley on a very fundamental level. also I guess general scrutinizing of story profiles. also more of a kaeya_lady argument than anything else.

(0) TWEETS
this section is not exactly necessary reading however these are the skeletal thoughts for everything that will come later. also I just didn't know where to put them but they are essential to understanding my scholarship. IMO.

JEAN MAIN
@gayrenjun
in my head all kj conversations are like
kaeya: [is emma-like]
jean: [chastises him in a knightley-esque manner]
 
JEAN MAIN @gayrenjun
also have been opening my
Heart to mean kaeya bc perhaps It Is True but also that just makes his lady factor even stronger and also the Epicosity of jean always seeing thru it bc she is Kind and Genuine and Honourable and Knightly.
[JEAN MAIN @gayrenjun replying to @gayrenjun]
Also sometimes the most loyal of knights fall in love with terrible women and that’s what’s happening here

JEAN MAIN
@gayrenjun
if u think about it why do we need bad boy kaeya or sad kaeya when we can have EMMA kaeya because all we do is put kaeya with jean
[JEAN MAIN @gayrenjun replying to @gayrenjun]
the spoiled brat society lady kaeya portrayal we deserve imo... like 10millionth of all not only does jean let kaeya get away with everything only to slightly scoldingly reprimand him later, but also she just lets him have his way

JEAN MAIN
@gayrenjun
is kya even a society lady
>cares only about ceremonial details[1]
>only wants to drink and chat
>beloved by the whole town
>lazy
[JEAN MAIN @gayrenjun replying to @gayrenjun]
>A Little Bit bitchy.

honestly no matter how I look at it, all these tweets are seriously still true. you're like how is Jean Knightley tho? [1] repressed, [2] kind and unfailingly polite and courteous, [3] can you just read this wikipedia article and be like Ohhh. Holy shit. She IS like that. [humble, mature, a little bit boring, moral, etc]. has a very high standing in society, but is not an asshole about it.

I think KAEYA-EMMA paralleling relies on two things: (1) kaeya being a [society] lady, (2) kaeya being a younger sibling. I guess you could add (3) kaeya being a troublemaker, but that one is obvious is it not? also to me, inclinations of mischief and thinking you're smartest of world is all younger_siblingism. anyway, we'll move forward with this motivation.

(1) LADYISM
I would literally just link back to my tweet, however, we can go through canonical evidences.
(1.1) 'cares only about ceremonial details'from: Windblume Festival [Realm of Fog and Wind]
KAEYA: Hah, a good question. Diluc, care to explain?
DILUC
: Passing on messages and deliberating over ceremonial details... Sounds more like your line of work, Kaeya.

>this btw, total misogyny on diluc's part. what's wrong with doing a little but of lady's work huh?
(1.2, 1.3) 'only wants to drink and chat', 'beloved by the whole town'"Everyone in Mondstadt loves Kaeya, but no one knows what secrets this witty, charming knight has." (official website description)

"Kaeya is often found sitting at the bar, gossiping with the city folk, and sipping the famed Mondstadt beverage, Death After Noon." / "He is surprisingly popular among the elderly of Mondstadt, even earning himself the title of 'top candidate for grandson-in-law.' It's hard to imagine someone as mischievous, amiable, and wine-loving as Kaeya being the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius." / "The people of Mondstadt find Kaeya a lot easier to deal with than his predecessor, Diluc." / "Generally speaking, Kaeya is easy to talk to and nice to have a conversation with." (Kaeya's character stories)

interesting to note that Kaeya's profile focuses a lot on his social accuem and relationships with Mondstadt's people, the knights, the criminals, etc. in contrast to his counterparts [diluc, jean], who want to so badly protect this vision of Mondstadt and end up becoming removed from it, he [noted outsider] is the one who truly embodies the ideals of Mondstadt [drinking, freedom(on the surface)] and knows it's people in and out. as mentioned, the more personable half to jean/diluc. if this literally does not strike you as a lady trait, idk what to tell you! you have no idea what ladyism is and I seriously can't accept shit from
(1.4) 'lazy' [also see: 'catty']for someone who 'claims' to hate KoF work... anyway. I won't include every line where he's complained about his work.

"Kaeya, Knight of Favonius. Please, allow me to join you on your journey. Guarding you on your journey sounds far more entertaining than any of the usual Favonius stuff." (voicelines)

KAEYA: Staying here feels like being in Mondstadt. The only difference is that I won't be bothered by any of my duties as one of the Knights of Favonius. (gift set line)

KAEYA: Alright then. Guess I will have to do some overtime work after all. (story quest) [he says this in an extremely bitchy way btw]

though I do want to point out that an extremely ladylike characteristic of his is that even though he really does not gaf about a lot of the knights stuff/protocol, he really respects and stresses it still. he's the best of the knights when it comes to introducing his title and his association ... IMO EMPHASIS ON POSITION/HIERARCHY/DECORUM is extremelyyyy lady trait ... it's also SOOO potent when he stresses that his personal tactics and business are not at all representative of the knights

TRAVELLER: You flirt with the dark side, so you would know.
PAIMON: Exactly!
KAEYA: Uh-ah! You should watch what you say, Honorary Knight.
KAEYA: What do you mean, flirt with the dark side? The Knights of Favonius certainly does not have dealings with its enemies.
KAEYA: That has to do with a certain knightly virtue called "integrity."
KAEYA: Anyway, I digress. This is the symbol of the cross-border criminal organization you know as the Treasure Hoarders. If you are curious to know more, I can put you in touch with an informant on the inside.
PAIMON: Uhh, didn't you just say the Knights of Favonius don't have dealings with their enemies!?
KAEYA
: ...This is my own personal informant. Nothing to do with the Knights of Favonius.

YOUUUUUUU... have so many complexes and also are so secretively honourable in your own ladylike way... I think the discretion and show of tact is very very ladylike of him.


(2) YOUNGER SIBLING
you're like... But Popular Fanon Takes Have Lead Me To Believe Otherwise. I would like to point out:
(a) nothing is confirmed in canon, other than kya's birthday being way later in the year and diluc's way earlier.

(b) [*copies everything his brother does*] is literally the most younger sibling trait of all time. just all fucking time. that's how you clock one. I would know. [op is younger sibling in question]
 
(c) [way more invested in his brother's life and going-ons than his brother is invested in him] the NEED for brotherly attention and acknowledgement is so fucking funny. diluc brushing him off and kaeya going '...And ANOTHER Thing...' you desperate little freak. this is literally what happens in the last scene in diluc story quest. I DIED.
my second point of evidence is kya's character stories and vcs about diluc — where he's being extremely bitchy about diluc versus diluc's complete lack of acknowledgement re: kaeya in his stories, and then the way he seriously just doesn't give a fuck in his vcs, and also in general. the palpable [[annoying younger sibling / barely tolerates him older sibling]]

(d) general need for validation of love via acts of service. or just kya's general need for other people to prooove they love him or like him or would at least do things for him. you're like - but this could be an anyman trait for any guy. and TRUE but the way kya does it is v younger sibling. the mixture of being obvious, teasing, coy, genuine surprise re: agreement but accepting very graciously. sorry for being a younger sibling. some crimes can be forgiven.
examples: "He takes pleasure in seeing the hesitation in his comrades' eyes at the moment just before they dive into battle with him, just as he takes pleasure in the look of fear in his enemies' eyes as they face off against him.", literally anytime ever the Traveller compliments him, his horrifying reaction at jean's birthday party, etc.

(e) SPOILED BRAT. diluc who's like 'fuck this guy I hate this guy' and lets him hang around anyway and does everything he asks anyway. [no legit]
jean who doesn't believe in kaeya's discretion herself [check vc] is still like 'well... You don't have all the facts.' and those are? 'That I love him.' (...) you're like there is no way this is true...BUT IT IS. everyday Amber is like I Fucking Hate Kaeya, Fuck Kaeya, He's the Worst Knight In The World, WHYYYY DOES JEAN LIKE HIM. you: she never said this. me: CONNECT THE GODDAMN DOTS IN HER VOICELINES

now, the Real Meat of this.

(3) THE EMMA/KNIGHTLEY DYNAMIC
kaejean has it all. - the extreme repression.
- the regard for something higher than romance. in emma/knightley, it was about Mr. Woodhouse, while for kj it's about The Knights. The Austenian Romance [social positioning defines interactions and dynamics].
- The Extremely Unromantic Romance. LOVE WHEN IT IS NOT ABOUT EACH OTHER BUT ABOUT THE THINGS EACH OTHER HOLDS DEAR >>>. seriously Emma only falling in love with Knightley when she sees how considerate he is of Harriet, while Kaeya dedicates himself to the Knights when he sees how dedicated Jean is to Knighthood.
- Emma accepting Knightley because he is very considerate of her father. Kaeya accepting Jean, knowing Jean is the Dandelion Knight more than she is a person. that she is a Knight before she's a lady, and she is for Mondstadt before she belongs to anyone else. okay I admit that this one comes off as me saying words, but if you get it you get it.
- sorry it seriously is like. [*most eligible bachelor in town falls prey to resident bitchimonious lady*]. the way everyone in mond would give it all up for One Chance with Jean and instead, it's Kaeya who gets to throw parties for her and do her leftover paperwork(!!!)
- love is about trust, loyalty, fealty. not actually about love.
- horrible little mix. kind honourable noble mature partner

I hope this was convincing. I will spend all day arguing on this. yes, it's not a 1 to 1, but they have all the KEY traits. and that's what's really important. 
fwcu: (raiden shogun)
doing this after not updating for 10 million years. GUESS WHO HIT STANDARD BANNER PITY. AGAIN.

:D :D :D you're like... but Ms.JeanMain JeanLover JeanImpactPlayer ... Didn't you Just Roll Jade Cutter for Jean? YES. and then I also rolled like crazy on standard banner to get Aquila Favonia for Jean. it's all very simple. super simple. makes complete sense for those of us who are jean enjoyers. my dream is to have an arsenal of swords for every jean build imaginable. it's very straightforward and simple.
Read more... )
fwcu: (raiden shogun)
this is literally not even the post I wanted to make but uh. I have to. very light on analysis, mostly a reference post

preface, disclaimersquick note, Jean always refers to Kaeya as either 'Kaeya', or Captain Kaeya', with the latter being far more uncommon.

other quick note, Kaeya's pretty fond of referring to people by their titles, though he'll exchange between [title][name] and [name] often enough. I think he calls Amber '[adj.] Outrider' a couple times, but that always comes off more playful than official.

other other quick note, Varka is almost always referred to only by title ['Grand Master (Varka)'], whereas with Jean, everyone tends to refer to her more as 'Master Jean' or simply Jean, or you know '[AGM] Jean'. within the knights and also People Who Know Her Personally, Kaeya does stick out so bad for solely insisting on AGM, which is whyyyy this post exists. 

LAST NOTE: the only other person who is as stringent about referring to Jean as AGM is EULA. however um, she has spoken of Jean, only four times. so not a lot of evidence to work with. though in her teaser, she refers to her as 'That Gunnhildr girl'. also, Eula being the only other person to do this actually just adds to my point about Pointed Workplace Dynamics rather than detract from it. 

from kaeya's voicelines:
(...)(about Jean) What? The Acting Grand Master? You need to give her your full support.
(about Klee) Klee. Seems she has failed to elude the Acting Grand Master's investigative skills, despite the pointers I gave her... Haha, I'm kidding, no need to go reporting me or anything.
(about Noelle) I was entrusted by the Acting Grand Master to work in the background to support Noelle, but there hasn't been much for me to concern myself with — she has a good head on her shoulders. Quite the relief.

note: other characters in their (about Jean) will refer to her as AGA, but either don't do so when mentioning her offhandedly [like Kaeya], or when speaking to her. albedo, sucrose, barbara come to mind.

from quests:
Outlander Who Caught the WindKaeya: The Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius is also very interested in meeting you, and formally invites you both to our headquarters.
(...)

Kaeya: Jean, I've brought them.
(...)

Traveller
: Why is Jean the Acting Grandmaster?
Kaeya: The Grand Master is currently off leading an expedition, so the Master, Jean, has stepped in to oversee the Knights while he's gone.
Kaeya: Hence, you'll hear many refer to her as the Acting Grand Master.
Kaeya: When the Grand Master left, he took the vast majority of our knights with him, leaving the Acting Grand Master with far more responsibility and stress.
Kaeya: Come to think of it, it must have been difficult for Jean.

note: I just think this is so fucked up. also implies that kaeya refers to her as so to remind everyone of her [relatively new] position. which just points back to shadow/henchmanship disease.

Crash CourseKaeya: We should get Jean to give you a title and make you a knight.
(...)

Kaeya: I'm not aware of the exact details. If you're interested, you can ask the Acting Grand Master about it.
(...)

Kaeya
: A dragon wreaks havoc in Mondstadt, and the Acting Grand Master leaves the city to combat the threat. Strategically, that's the perfect moment for the Abyss Order to make their move.

When The West Wind Arises
Kaeya: I have been informed about Jean falling ill. On behalf of all of Knights of Favonius, allow me to express my sincere gratitude for your assistance.
Paimon: So courteous and polite. This isn't the Kaeya Paimon knows.
Kaeya: Haha... Well, the circumstances warrant it. This is the Acting Grand Master herself we're talking about.
(...)

Kaeya: Right. Although the commissions you reported to Jean have already been handed off to someone else...
Kaeya: ...I am concerned that they will not be handled with due care without Jean's personal touch.

Master's Day OffKaeya: We thought that since you so rarely take any time off, we'd take this chance to throw you a party. Enjoy yourself, Jean.
(...)

Kaeya
: Hey! Having a good time?
Traveller: Why did you say I was the organizer?
Kaeya: The thing is, Jean knows all of us so well now...
Kaeya: When someone organizes a surprise party for you, the closer you are to them, the more bashful you tend to feel about the whole thing.
Kaeya: So instead, we just gave you all the credit. After all, you did do more than your fair share of work anyway.
Traveller: So... You gave me the credit to hide your own shyness?
Paimon: Of course! This party was clearly Kaeya's idea! Shy Kaeya? This is gold!
Kaeya: Haha... You think so?
Paimon: So you admit it!
Kaeya: Hehe... I'm only indulging you since it's such a special day today.

note: sorry I had to include this whole thing because it fucks me up so fucking bad. YOU.

Invitation to WindblumeKaeya: Well, as you can see, I'm helping Master Jean take care of various matters.

Golden Island ArchipelagoJean: I—I assume you two traveled here together?
Kaeya: Hahaha, you assume? The Acting Grand Master's jokes have improved as of late. Do we seem like fitting travel companions to you?
(...)

Paimon
: If Paimon didn't know better, Paimon would think that Jean was Klee's mother!
Kaeya: You know, I had the exact same thought just now.
Jean: Kaeya...
Kaeya: Haha, my apologies, Acting Grand Master. Honorary Knight, let's go and take a look.
(...)

Kaeya
: Generally speaking, I'm responsible for wrapping up various cases... But this particular incident is special.
Kaeya: You see, not only is the Acting Grand Master here, but the former fiery Cavalry Captain as well. Naturally, I had to see it for myself.

other
Eula's Story"The Reconnaissance Captain is back again? When you saw her, was it when she was marching towards Jean's office with her sword in hand, looking like she wanted to kill somebody?"

"We all know that the Acting Grand Master is a good judge of character, don't we? The Knights of Favonius are interested in a person's ability, not their family history. That's why she gives up her time to spar with the Reconnaissance Captain. In doing so, she can preserve the dignity of the Knights of Favonius while also providing a way of settling old grievances. Quite brilliant, don't you think?"

final count
AGM: 13 (-2)
Jean: 10 (-2)
Master Jean: 1

honestly, results of this are pretty inconclusive. but also, um, unlike nearly everyone else who will usually say 'AGM Jean' at least once. he has literally never done that. so there is definitely hints of ummm, separating personal name from professional title. also, when he refers to her as 'Jean' there is usually a more personal touch to it. 

I would assign Kaeya as having similar diseases to Barbara, except Kaeya is way better at remembering himself than Barbara is (i.e, Barbara basically loses all pretenses after calling Jean AGA once, but Kaeya does not). kaeya and eula having similar stances on how they want to refer to jean is literally CTFUUUU but at least Eula literally has family rivalry/sworn enemyhood/etc to fall back on. WHAT'S KAEYA'S EXCUSE? 

I think the most damning of the evidence compiled, is his voicelines, since they're very. They. you know how it is. but funniest has to be golden apple archipelago, like holy shit, how are you going to calling her AGM straight to her face after she first names you.

Profile

fwcu: (Default)
fwcu

April 2025

S M T W T F S
  12345
67891011 12
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930   

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 12th, 2025 06:32 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios