fwcu | Reading

denise posting in

I keep forgetting to post about this: we've been troubleshooting the "missing notifications" problem for the past few days. (Well, I say "we", really I mean Mark and Robby; I'm just the amanuensis.) It's been one of those annoying loops of "find a logical explanation for what could be causing the problem, fix that thing, observe that the problem gets better for some people but doesn't go away completely, go back to step one and start again", sigh.

Mark is hauling out the heavy debugging ordinance to try to find the root cause. Once he's done building all the extra logging tools he needs, he'll comment to this entry. After he does, if you find a comment that should have gone to your inbox and sent an email notification but didn't, leave him a link to the comment that should have sent the notification, as long as the comment itself was made after Mark says he's collecting them. (I'd wait and post this after he gets the debug code in but I need to go to sleep and he's not sure how long it will take!)

We're sorry about the hassle! Irregular/sporadic issues like this are really hard to troubleshoot because it's impossible to know if they're fixed or if they're just not happening while you're looking. With luck, this will give us enough information to figure out the root cause for real this time.

prizefig

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

rhodochrosite

negotiate
jade/alexandra (arthur/jade, charles/alexandra) | f1 | e | 3.3k

dvd commentary under cut!

( illegal and unethical wag yuri crossed off the bucket list )

perlocutionary

as i said on twitter, i always thought Mark Lee, idol extraordinaire, beloved leader, shining gem of nct (u, 127, dream) would be leaving sm in a bodybag and smack dab in his 30s. so opening twitter at 5am not to tragic news but that of him unceremoniously leaving nct and sm, i was more in shock than anything resembling despair, grief, mourning.

then i spent all day at work with nothing to do but think about this, then i spend all weekend listening to old songs and watching 2021 dream content…… reader, i gained thoughts.

so this is a rant, an in memoriam for the mark lee i knew

MARK, April 2016–April 2026

Natural causes

what makes the perfect idol? skills? visuals? personality? variety talent? i think mark had most of these things, but those things don’t make an idol. an idol is a product for a company to make outrageously unethical, and unethically outrageous money. i believed mark’s prodigious charisma, outstanding rap and dance skills, naive charm, longsuffering dynamic with his members made him extremely marketable for sm, but what made him truly an admirable trainee and perfect idol was his undying ability to endure and seek out overwork.

trainee systems are abuse. they put mostly teens into an unforgiving schedule built on sleep deprivation. in fact, i would trainees get punished for even trying to stay in school by the fact that they cannot stay awake during school hours, they cannot go do any extracurricular activities, they cannot participate in the crucial transitional stage of high school. middle school too, if they are lucky. most teens rebel against that; they don’t want to practice too late, they want to sneak out and have a big meal, sleep in and play games.

(dream always talk about how they were sheltered by the trainers but that’s basically the equivalent of counting your lucky stars when you get hit three times instead of ten. fun ~~childhood~~ trainee stories about throwing away your ice cream because you got caught are actually not that fun.)

and mark, the perfect trainee? always last one out of the practice room, never caught slacking, legendary role model for all trainees. it always frustrated me when they talked about haechan distracting mark from training and wanting to slack off because that is normal. rest is good, rest is productive. and you’re damn right it pissed me off that mark taught haechan to work hard, because that is NOT the right lesson! “working hard” in kpop speak means destroying your body and mind to satisfy the company. his loyalty to the “dream” and to sm was what made him stand out, and sm didn’t even have to break his mind into it. no, they just reinforced it again and again.

and what makes the perfect boy group? men in south korea are bound by enlistment, and in a fast-paced capitalistic world that automatically means idols and boy groups are bound by youth. (not that it’s different for girl groups, but the reasoning is tried and true misogyny) a good product has a long shelf life, so kpop companies start young and market youth. sm is a true master of youthful debuts, starting from h.o.t. and ending with nct wish. look at these teenagers, they are so rebellious and innocent! they are so cute and prepubescent! ~~predators look HERE~~ documented pedo min heejin come manage a comeback with an mv about crushing on your high school teacher but you look like you’re in primary school!

(i am simplifying a lot of things because you could talk endlessly about youth and kpop but i put my faith in a shared knowledge base)

enter, sm’s magnum opus in exploiting youth, something so beautiful because it is so short and because it ends: nct dream. a boy group to end all boys groups, one comprised of only teenagers because you graduate when you turn 20. every comeback is about shining youth and potential, every comeback is a nostalgia trip, every comeback is jam packed with the melancholy of loss. they pursue the mystery of “growing up,” but nct dream would never ever grow up.

in sm’s plan with the graduating lineup, this would never end. an endless roster of heartbreaking teens entering adulthood, losing and loving with fierce, captivating immaturity. mark left in 2018 because he was too old for youthful dream. half of 00z were going to become lose their jobs at 20, and chenle and jisung would have had to chug along with these scars, knowing they, too, would become useless soon.

but it worked too well. dream had the perfect narrative, fans got too invested.

cue april 2020, new plan, old group. better plan, the metanarrative now is even more tragic.

because dream can’t grow up. every comeback is still about new beginnings, naive teenagerdom slightly modified to young new adulthood. nostalgia bait and looking back is still the brand, because it keeps everyone emotional and fans buying. dream are so happy now because they used to be in so much pain, please look at their youth, please keep getting retraumatized, please never stop reliving these years.

and it just hurts in the best way, that dream will never grow up. youth and its ephemerality was the selling point, but now it is youth and its permanence. the trauma sm idolhood caused will keep them stunted forever; they will never become adults because they never got to be children. jisung will always be the youngest little boy on earth. fans will always fight for these kids’ wellbeing because they sure can’t fight back against sm. isn’t that reassuring? isn’t that so fucking sad?

mark certainly thought so.

i admit to thinking this would never go anywhere when he released this song, because certainly this was just another masterplay for sm, to capitalize on the very wounds they inflicted. perfect idol mark would gain sentience for little while and fall right back in line, because that’s what he had always done and that’s what he will always do.

it is my greatest pleasure that mark has exceeded my expectations.

i will thank mark for leading this charge too, because i do believe this is actually, for real the start of something new. nct dream have always dreaded change because it was deliberately made miserable for them. their feelings of unease and grief were documented as content for the masses. although i know mark and the dreamies wanted to let us know and give us a proper farewell, i am heartened that they got their own time to talk, process, mourn in private.

as mark takes the step to leave his childhood behind and protect his present, my fervent hope is that this will help heal some of dream’s trauma. because this loss is not a hopeless, tragic event. mark growing up and leaving dream is not inherently bad, but sm had made sure it hurt everyone involved the first time. this time, however……

people change, people grow up, adults are not the same as they were in childhood. i haven’t paid nearly as much attention in the last few years because the nostalgia machine got too stale, too upsetting for me. and in that time, mark became a different person. i don’t know him, he is no longer idol extraordinaire, beloved leader, shining gem of nct Mark Lee.

he’s grown up now.

Current Mood: grateful
Current Location: the present
Current Music: nct dream - dear dream

girlrock

this doesn't have icons but you can add them easily by putting a second class in the info block, for example: <div class="tumblr-info username">
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HTML
this isn't comprehensive since i was obviously fucking around and doing everything from scratch / on the go, but here's example usage:

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sarcoline

yes i got into f1 ten months ago no i do not care for any of the big government assigned yaoi—EXCEPT for 3316 fake ass made-up fake so fake it ends up being kinda real ship that is textually held together by the overblown cliche childhood rivals karting lore and max's retcon shoujo-tinted horse blinders charles love-vision. nonetheless i ~~begrudgingly acknowledge~~ respect the textual reality of canon relationships / friendships on the f1 grid bc i am a scholar first and foremost. so here are the ships that are "real" to me, i.e. have so much textual basis i would consider it canon, never said that it was good or that i liked it tho.

( if 'girl whatever' was a list )

sarcoline

clickbait title 😂 well i suppose i'm half-serious...? as an avid bl slop consumer for the past 10+ years, lately i have noticed that bl reading my beloved routine pre-bedtime activity for so long has fallen off a bit. undoubtedly my somewhat recent descent into f1 yaoi (i know) is partially to blame, but combined with The Great M*ng*g* Listpocalypse of Jan 2026 i feel like it's just been harder for me to find the will to keep up with it, especially any series that i was only following out of habit anyway. having finally intermittently & manually added some of them back these past two months, i thought it would be appropriate to recap and review my current reading/read/want to read while the numbers are still fairly manageable. "recently" to me is defined as within the past six months.

CURRENTLY READING

dreadful night - mo-an (75 chapters, ongoing)

time loop horror game simulation story with a seme who is sooo The Killer (not to be confused with the “real” killer in the horror story.. but he does still kill people!!) and obsessive about the uke and a uke who is like can we please focus on the task at hand stop trying to fuck me!! perfect dynamic. tbh when i first started this manhwa it felt like op was cosplaying having the mind of a mastermind a bit, like where is this all going…but then season 2 hit and i was like wait maybe op does have the mind of a mastermind #real not clickbait? #TrustTheProcess. even though the story is still mildly confusing and would probably be greatly enhanced with a reread or reference to fanmade gdoc of plot points and theories, dreadful night is pretty engaging; it has a fairly compelling mystery thriller plot and a good amount of cockenbahls. if i had to nitpick i would say the pacing and balance are a bit spotty though, for a while in the first season op was edging and blueballing us so bad and then when they finally were allowed to fuck, it was entire chapters of smut followed by barely any plot progression before we would go back to entire chapters of fucking again, and i would be like can op pls get back to plot PLEAA… which is a rare sentiment from me truly but i guess it goes to show how badly i want to see the story resolved lol

the thread that never burned - goodmen / monnyang (35 chapters, ongoing)

gorgeous art that i honestly think powerscales all of op's other works so bad though it still does have the typical egregious size difference that is signature of her seme-ukes. plot is fairly predictable but it’s enjoyable in a way that feels light and easy despite there literally being mafia business and non/dubious consent and kept wife(shaman) trope? the full page dream-like sequences from the historical era backstory really add to this bl's visual appeal.

guiding hazard - sunsun / chungnyung (74 chapters, ongoing)

guide/esper bl from the same artist who did angel buddy, consistent art as always. kind gentle seme who wants to take care of the headstrong uke that refuses to be taken care of…tale as old as time. uke has an ugly rapist ex that doesn’t know when to quit…when he finally gets his comeuppance i imagine it will be so gratifying but for now we must dither in the uke’s abandonment issues induced “i don’t deserve love” trauma spiral bc he thinks the seme is too good for him. pack it upppp like i swear to god if we don’t wrap this shit up in 15 more chapters…

semantic error side stories - j soori / angy (2 chapters, ongoing)

i didn’t know there were side stories until recently! i remember enjoying the main series when i read it a couple years ago, seme is typical asshole with a heart of gold and uke is so amazingly autistic despite op repeatedly saying he’s not. but he is. lighthearted and comedic enough, iirc main story was r15 so you don’t really get explicit smut but the story carries on well without it anyway.

jinx - mingwa (95 chapters, ongoing)

in mingwa typical fashion we have boomerang brows asshole seme and pushover doormat chronic victim uke ft. thee most cliche noncon to love(?) plot progression ever. jinx is a one step forward two steps back kind of story which is so frustrating but nothing new given that wbk from bj alex lol. i will say i like dan’s character design better than the bj alex uke (i forgot his name lol) but that really is not saying much given that i don’t even like op’s art style that much. so it really begs the question what am i still doing here? well… sometimes you shop for things you like at the things you hate store to test ur abilities. or something. i am hate-reading in the name of ostensibly giving her another chance 🫶

my guildmate next door - angela, honey trap / bijak (110 chapters, ongoing)

also known by the title virtual strangers. sometimes i have to pause reading this for a few updates because the secondhand embarrassment i get from seme being a stupid idiot baby who has never socialized with normal people in his entire life is actually insane. i think this is dubbed as the orv bl in some parts of the internet due to faint visual similarities to manhwa depictions of yjh and kdj but that is literally where the veryyy tangential similarities end. i actually do like uke's personality a lot but seme pisses me off so bad like bro is ragebaiting the fuck out of me!! sorry it’s actually not that serious. but i need him to grow up like yesterday.

DROPPED / PAUSED

a tree without roots - lapo (97 chapters, ongoing)

i keep meaning to come back to this but i get scared... not in the sense that anything overly violent or actually scary is going to happen but. i don't know. i'm scared. younger blonde seme that keeps his ex-guardian older uke captive… heeseo is literally top that doesn’t understand why the bottom won’t love him despite behaving extremely scarily and abnormally… the dynamic is actually so :slurp: emoji i really should get back into reading it.

between the lines - hodot (85 chapters, ongoing)

a bl that is sooo mildly jmjn coded a bit especially visuals wise with that one tiktok; blond prettyface seme x short black haired uke (bhu) a classic combo. i forgot why i dropped this actually i may have just forgotten to pick it back up between seasons when it went on hiatus lol. another inadvertently slutty uke that is giving a touch of tism + mildly manipulative seme that cares soo much about carefully curating his image / hiding his true self + a setting that is quite meta (bl author universe)... i believe uke has long hair again in the newer seasons so we cheered (guy who hates short hair)

backlight - gangddo (65 chapters, ongoing)

another blond prettyface seme x short black haired uke except the blond seme is actually trashy s1ut asshole this time. who ofc has a soft spot for the uke and is only soo damaged and manipulative and trashy bc he has trauma and abusive family etc etc. dropped this one around ch. 60 or 70 idr i feel like the plot was just dragging but i did eat beautiful blond hair purple eyed seme visuals like seoin is seriously so gorgest to me... and uke is okay looking as far as short black haired ukes go.

dash - ijen / skye (41 chapters, ongoing)

spoiled the plot for myself by reading a good amount of chapters from the bl novel, it seems like a pretty decent popcorn bl centered around athlete/manager + swimming + omegaverse, i'm just not super inclined to get back into it rn but i remember thinking the webnovel was a breezy easy read.

negative love - gyeon (53 chapters, ongoing)

got baited by seme named jaemin… likely place for me to be. but this one is just… not very engaging. seme jaemin is very much creepy killer in this, which theoretically should be so up my alley, but i think everything is just falling slightly flat. uke has asshole ex that belittles him which i guess is supposed to make jaemin look so much better in comparison but i just kinda feel like this one is going nowhere.

kiss me if you can - zig / giho, sanho (37 chapters, ongoing)

another bl i put in timeout for cringing me out too much. art is fine, i just wish seme would stop acting like that. getting jealous of uke's SISTER like brother can we please get a couple of braincells up here. chase is really so beautiful blond (and also coincidentally purple-eyed) seme though, maybe i'll pick it back up again if i can turn off my brain enough to stop rolling my eyes.

case file compendium - meatbun doesn't eat meat (webnovel, completed)

i’ve tried to read this like 3 or 4 times and i’ve just never gotten past chapter 100 absolutely no hate to meatbun tho. this also has all the tropes i should like on paper: crazy obsessive rich younger seme that is lowkey the killer, stoic doesn't-know-he's-beautiful uke, mild (for bl standards) age gap, some kind of background mystery, handwavey magical realism, etc… i think i just haven’t managed to find a good epub and lock in lol i’ll get to it some time.

RECENTLY FINISHED

love loop - gungjwi (10 chapters, completed)

just binged this lured by the promise of time loop / groundhog day trope which is always so enticing to me and well—not to say this wasn’t good but idk... the reveal and resolution was a little underwhelming and bewildering at the same time. to its credit it is only 10 chapters and i really should not expect too much from bl logic at this point but i will keep hoping nonetheless. art is fine, cockenbahls are decent. quick read solid 6/10.

cash or credit - goodmen (71 chapters, completed)

same artist as thread that never burned, it’s mafia prison bl so you know that consent is nonexistent but honestly a fairly enjoyable brain smoothening popcorn bl for the cockenbahls. op does get egregious with the proportions and art especially as the chapters progress but it is something that i can overlook and quite frankly expect from her at this point lmao.

mr. a's farm (s1) - nachioboy (24 chapters, ongoing)

not even sure i have the words to describe this one but. wow. i honestly respect that op is unabashedly a freak. genuinely looking forward to see what crazy shit is in store for s2.

alpha predator - shui qian cheng (webnovel, completed)

i don’t know... started reading this upon nizrec like 1.5-2 years ago and stopped when the translator disappeared 60 chapters in. finally picked it back up randomly a couple months ago using another translation that i assume was edited mtl or just lower(?) quality but regardless it was a swift read and honestly not as good as i remember. typical wife-chasing story, i suppose the handful of cockenbahls chapters did hit.

TO-READ (mostly oomfrec)

the 11th school trip - do haeneul / mingnyu

poppyrec! i heard this is a time loop one and i do love myself a good time loop so… hopefully i will add it to the rotation soon. it looks promising...

curveball and splitter - bad pharmacy

beautiful looking art i saw on twt… #1 bait taker in the world i’m looking. also in my sports yaoi era so 🧐

18's bed - cheongdam, munseullo / jatae

the 3-4 month period where ciel was begging half of us to read this 😂 um.. ill get to it.

honestly i cannot say i rec many of these like this is not a rec list, to be clear. just A list. of choices i have made. shopping at the slop store for slop. lowkey i do feel like my gen & hetslop manhwas have been mogging a bit but feel free to drop recs for me here or down below 🫶 maybe it will convince me that bl is so back...or maybe it never fell off?

sleepyshamrocks

hello internet friends.

i've been looking into self-hosting and am slightly intimidated/overwhelmed by how much i need to set up to get this running. i initially wanted to start by self-hosting my website, but it was easier and faster to host on vercel and i was working on a (somewhat self-imposed) deadline, so i tabled it for the moment. i'm now looking into using linkding as a bookmark manager and have set up a docker container to run the app locally, but i'm kind of stumped as to what to do to actually deploy it to my domain.

i'm deciding between:

using a cloud platform that would require a $3-5/mo subscription
running it on a raspberry pi 5 (~$40-50)
getting a cheap mini pc off ebay (~$100 plus electricity costs)

getting a cloud subscription would obviously be the most hassle free, but i don't love the idea of having multiple paid dependencies for a hobby project....and i hate software subscription models in general (i /understand/ why server leasing can't work on a one-time fee model, but still). plus this feels like a good opportunity to learn self-hosting! i wish i'd kept my old mac instead of trading it in but as it stands i'd need a new server to run this project, and i'm not sure if it's a better idea to start with a lower footprint raspi or get a more robust pc that i could host more things on.

my boss DID recommend going with a scale to zero platform for efficiency (running linkding myself would essentially mean that i'd be powering my own server round the clock for a little bookmark app), and i can't really disagree with that point....i guess i'd just like to learn more about the pros and cons of either approach before opening my wallet.

if you're self-hosting your own stuff, what does your set up look like?

Current Mood: pensive

girlrock

this was my first concert of 2026 and it was everything i wanted and more...! i have been traveling too much already (well really it was just china but that was my Big pto trip so i still have to write multiple logs for that). and i guess i also visited risa earlier... and i'm seeing her again in may... and shakti is visiting me soon... can everyone please relax!!!!!

anyway. nmixx ticketing was back in december and i decided to go for toronto since they didn't come here and it was a good opportunity to see frog and oomfs, plus i had already been to dallas for katseye in 2025 (where i realized that i fucking hate the pavilion as a venue LOL). by some stroke of luck i ended up with a front row seat... and then when i was flying to toronto they randomly upgraded me to business class because i guess no one bought those seats and they needed the economy ones and it was a tiny ass plane so i had a very comfortable nap on my way there!!! yay!

i ended up sharing my hotel room with imani, but risa visited us both nights so we could play pokopia together 💗 or rather so imani could play pokopia while i gave VERY HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS and risa YELLED AT ME FOR BACKSEAT GAMING. it's really so difficult and stressful being me.

on saturday, imani and i basically just went to chinatown and walked down spadina / around kensington market / 401 richmond. i bought a ton of postcards and ate delicious malatang (as per uzh) and experienced inner healing at t&t. i wish we had t&t in the usa... it is truly the sacrifice we must make to access trader joe's. also i bought oscar trading cards at a hobby store!!!

sunday was PWHL and NMIXX day. i was meant to give h my hockey card pulls that she expressed interest in but ermmm i've totally misplaced and lost track of all of them T__T h generously picked me up and then took me to a fine dining institution (tim hortons) for brunch 💗 the toronto game was vs van and was a vibe (great crowd, lots of endearingly silly kids) also i died when i was recapping my experience watching the f1 race until 3am the night of and the lesbian in front of us who had apparently been eavesdropping on this entire conversation turned back and was like AND VERSTAPPEN SAYS HE MIGHT RETIRE NOW.

anyway nmixxxxxxx <3 frog and their friends and i were like Omg they're going to kick our asses for being so late to soundcheck and then we showed up and the line went 30 minutes past the alleged cutoff time. and the concert got delayed anyway. so getting my chicha san chen was worth it. also i almost killed myself when i realized that they didn't even have the asia merch and all the merch was ugly and i couldn't buy any mixxffy stuff... I DON'T EVEN CARE.

soundcheck was cute and the concert was cute and sully is fanservice final boss and i love nmixx and their discog soooo much. also the LIVE BAND!!! i didn't even know that was a thing sorry for being a fake fan but it rockeddd. lost my mind at papillon and high horse and reality hurts. and the fact that they tried to make up passionfruit choreo on the spot and it was deeply ridiculous and then they forced the crowd to repeat it. the blue valentine eng sing along before the encore was cute and haewon being emotionally repressed is my favorite thing in the world!!!

being in the front row, one of my main gripes is that i was surrounded by men who had absolutely 0 energy for the entirety of the concert and basically just stood there in complete silence... t__t which is FINE it's whatever but like can't you even get a little jamming feeling??? as far as fanservice went though this worked out in my favor because i was inevitably giving way more than the people surrounding me so all of my requests were granted 💗 sully blew me back kisses multiple times and then lily noticed me dancing along with her and pointed at me and (i didn't even notice this until imani pointed it out lol) missed her cue doing a cheek heart at my behest LOL. v v v cute

anyway a ton of photos below the cut. thank you risa for letting me borrow your phone 🥰🥰🥰

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