epic genshin ships v1.0
Jun. 21st, 2021 09:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fwcuI’m a little obsessed with julia cudney. I think if there is one white girl youtuber I have to form a parasocial relationship with. It’s her. She slays. I was watching her teen wolf video, and when she talks about stydia [not personally a fan btw], that’s how I knew she was truly a queen. and she describes them as like ‘[...] excellence, [...2] excellence, [....3] excellence, etc’ gonna rip that gimmick for this post.
I did make my mondstadt shipping chart. but I've kaejean on the brain and have just been thinking about GENSHIN IMPACT FOR VIRGIN LOSERS. undoubtedly the virgin loser being me in question. and what can I say? there are just so many #slay ships. only no.1 is in order. everything else is ... dependent on the day or something.
JEANKAEYA
>SLAYYYYY
>work wife/work husband excellence. AND KAEYA IS THE WORK WIFE IN QUESTION
>first in command/second in command excellence. which is also boss/secretary excellence.
>'why was it so easy with him, why was it hard with each other' excellence [jeankaeya v jeanbarbara]
>austenian social politics excellence!!! what if I was the most beloved and well-regarded figure in town and you were the adopted orphan of a notable family who was later disowned and had only me to back you. if u can literally read between the lines and connect dots that stretch some truths, it's literally like this.
>roleswap excellence. Kaeya is not only, Socially A Girl, but he's also an ornamental bird while jean is an Apex Predator. all this to say kaeya's a peacock while jean is a lion :)
>the haptics proxemics kinesics socioeconomic policies of you being a prince and her being a knight. on top of her being the princess and you being the knight. on top of her entrusting you, a foreign body, with the city she's sworn to protect. liege/knight excellence! x3!
>WHAT IF SHE WAS CHAINED BY DUTY AND YOU WERE A FLIGHTLESS BIRD AND YOU ARE BOTH IN THE CITY OF WINGS AND FREEDOM. oh so you Both can't fly. and by choosing 'freedom' you forsake your people For Her People, but she is the person who would understand Most why you can't forsake your people and least why you would. and by choosing you, she would forsake Her City, and by trusting you with it, she has already betrayed her people. dramatic irony excellence!
>Love is the death of duty/Duty is the death of love excellence!!
>roleswap excellence!!!! 2!!!! so the boy is the pretty one that cares about appearances and words and ceremonial details and so, and the girl is the one who is much more focused on her work and efficiency and known more for her capabilities and honour than not!!! classic high society socialite wife x celebrated military husband!!!
>REPRESSION excellence!!! oh we both have. Really Terrible Lack of Personal Lives and Lost Familial Connection that compounds on our workaholic tendencies. what? no we don't, we're far too busy Saving Mondstadt to worry about such things.
>MOND > EVERYTHING which means YOU > EVERYTHING Excellence.... kaeya cares so much about mond because jean cares so much about mond... when you have the same ideals but different methods etc etc...and when you don't like his methods but still trust him more than you disapprove of him.... It's All Coming Together.
>celibate office romance of it aaaallllll excellence... the mutual repression, the coworker dynamics, the imposed liege/knight distance... WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS STANDING TWO FEET APART FROM EACH OTHER >>>> because what matters is that you're still standing Together...
>obligatory 2pick excellence shoutout.
wtf why would I even talk about other genshin ships actually. JEANKAEYA IS ALL ONE NEEDS!!! further jeankaeyaism leads to jean<amber<>kaeya, also kaeya<>jean>eula and then jean<>kaeya<>diluc... there is just SO MUCH. also why KoF is the best thing in the world.
but there are a couple of other ships that are also good. though not as good. no matter how I look at it jeankaeya is the best ship on earth.
ningguang/keqing/ganyu
>CUCKHOLD EXCELLENCE! keqing is the one being cuckholded in question BTW.
>class dynamics v. official positions excellence!!! what if she came from dirt and once was dirt but now presides over you and you were and are still a highborn lady by heart!!! bonus points if keqing is not as woke as she thinks she is!!!
>office fucking excellence!!!
>HUMILIATION EXCELLENCE!!!
>sorry they just slay in every way...the power of NINGGUANG....
childe/xiao
>hatefucking excellence!!!
>I have no idea how to explain this one. it's like. so completely hinged on GIRL zhongli.. basically (a) think of zhongli as a girl. (b) realize that xiao is extremely loyal pet dog that refuses to break the sacred master/servant distance, (c) childe is Intruder who is disrespectful AF to zhongli but zhongli keeps him around as another pet... and then unruly dog x unruly dog dynamics haptics proxemics excellence! but seriously unless zhongli is a girl it's just not as good.
>ummm... betraying your nation excellence
>violence as love excellence
beidou/xiangling
>im her silly rabbit excellence
>incredible amounts of subtext with no canon interaction excellence ... like the experience of a canon ship that is literally not canon LOL. all of beidou's everything has soooo many references to xiangling... it's epic because she is the silly rabbit of xiangling...
>[ship that should be popular with the masses] excellence(?) it's like... you know... hot sexy mature older woman who is Stronk and cutie bright positive girl who is perfect protag-y... if they actually had legitimate interactions in game I think they'd be very popular LOLOL. proof that even I can get gotten by classic ship tropes. though in this case I'm gotten because beidou is most beloved in liyue harbour and she is the coolest person ever and she's silly rabbitting for your run of the mill genki girl... it's literally so epic I can be gotten by cool character has soft spot for dumbass who takes it for granted.... im love that kind of dynamic....
razor/fischl/bennett
>OUTCAST FREAKS MIDDLE SCHOOLER SLAY EXCELLENCE!!!
>losers excellence. just absolute Fucking Losers excellence. what if all three of you were the uncool kids in class and everyone thought u were freak losers and your only friends were [a little girl/your pet bird/your dads] like!!!! and then only being able to hang out with other epically uncool losers >>>
>girl/boy/boy haptics dynamics proxemics excellence!!! best friends without care for gender is like Fine Sure, but when you're middle schoolers and you have to have intricate middle school rituals on how to deal with this random freak girl who's forcing you to hang out with her. bonus, razor is literally a wolf so he's learning about how fischl being a girl is A Big Thing from bennett and misunderstanding completely. sorry but if u don't think middle school gender politics are hilarious and if u don't think so it's because you're not considering preteen boys having to deal with weird preteen girls!!!
zhongli/hutao
>this isn't like romantically. it's like. the weird tense coworkers angle is soooo good. with Little Hints of sexual deviancy or whatever. I don't know because it's so undefined and barely there that's why it's good.
girl!zhongli/childe
>the I'm sorry women of it all... I have nothing else to say for myself. sometimes men disrespecting women is sexy and I'm reclaiming the trope for myself. in defense of myself, I think the reader needs to know it's disrespectful, but the woman in question either doesn't know it's disrespectful or lets it go... for whatever reason yk. I think it's Bad when it's passed off as romantic/Not A Bad Thing...but as all things, sexy when it's done knowingly.
albedo/mona
>someone is reading this and going 'why is this girl the straightest person in the world' Well, I'm not gay so I don't have bad taste for one.
>SCHOLAR 4 SCHOLAR SLAY EXCELLENCE... falling in love for the first time....the first time experiencing these emotions... FOR BOTH OF THEM.... also mona being the most beautiful coolest girl in the world and ALBEDO seeing that... I just think this is the most romantic of all genshin impact ships....
>water...chalk.....repression....
>tea time excellence....
>MENTORSHIP COMPLEXES EXCELLENCE
>they're just so excellent. AAAARRRGGHHHH
I did make my mondstadt shipping chart. but I've kaejean on the brain and have just been thinking about GENSHIN IMPACT FOR VIRGIN LOSERS. undoubtedly the virgin loser being me in question. and what can I say? there are just so many #slay ships. only no.1 is in order. everything else is ... dependent on the day or something.
JEANKAEYA
>SLAYYYYY
>work wife/work husband excellence. AND KAEYA IS THE WORK WIFE IN QUESTION
>first in command/second in command excellence. which is also boss/secretary excellence.
>'why was it so easy with him, why was it hard with each other' excellence [jeankaeya v jeanbarbara]
>austenian social politics excellence!!! what if I was the most beloved and well-regarded figure in town and you were the adopted orphan of a notable family who was later disowned and had only me to back you. if u can literally read between the lines and connect dots that stretch some truths, it's literally like this.
>roleswap excellence. Kaeya is not only, Socially A Girl, but he's also an ornamental bird while jean is an Apex Predator. all this to say kaeya's a peacock while jean is a lion :)
>the haptics proxemics kinesics socioeconomic policies of you being a prince and her being a knight. on top of her being the princess and you being the knight. on top of her entrusting you, a foreign body, with the city she's sworn to protect. liege/knight excellence! x3!
>WHAT IF SHE WAS CHAINED BY DUTY AND YOU WERE A FLIGHTLESS BIRD AND YOU ARE BOTH IN THE CITY OF WINGS AND FREEDOM. oh so you Both can't fly. and by choosing 'freedom' you forsake your people For Her People, but she is the person who would understand Most why you can't forsake your people and least why you would. and by choosing you, she would forsake Her City, and by trusting you with it, she has already betrayed her people. dramatic irony excellence!
>Love is the death of duty/Duty is the death of love excellence!!
>roleswap excellence!!!! 2!!!! so the boy is the pretty one that cares about appearances and words and ceremonial details and so, and the girl is the one who is much more focused on her work and efficiency and known more for her capabilities and honour than not!!! classic high society socialite wife x celebrated military husband!!!
>REPRESSION excellence!!! oh we both have. Really Terrible Lack of Personal Lives and Lost Familial Connection that compounds on our workaholic tendencies. what? no we don't, we're far too busy Saving Mondstadt to worry about such things.
>MOND > EVERYTHING which means YOU > EVERYTHING Excellence.... kaeya cares so much about mond because jean cares so much about mond... when you have the same ideals but different methods etc etc...and when you don't like his methods but still trust him more than you disapprove of him.... It's All Coming Together.
>celibate office romance of it aaaallllll excellence... the mutual repression, the coworker dynamics, the imposed liege/knight distance... WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS STANDING TWO FEET APART FROM EACH OTHER >>>> because what matters is that you're still standing Together...
>obligatory 2pick excellence shoutout.
wtf why would I even talk about other genshin ships actually. JEANKAEYA IS ALL ONE NEEDS!!! further jeankaeyaism leads to jean<amber<>kaeya, also kaeya<>jean>eula and then jean<>kaeya<>diluc... there is just SO MUCH. also why KoF is the best thing in the world.
but there are a couple of other ships that are also good. though not as good. no matter how I look at it jeankaeya is the best ship on earth.
ningguang/keqing/ganyu
>CUCKHOLD EXCELLENCE! keqing is the one being cuckholded in question BTW.
>class dynamics v. official positions excellence!!! what if she came from dirt and once was dirt but now presides over you and you were and are still a highborn lady by heart!!! bonus points if keqing is not as woke as she thinks she is!!!
>office fucking excellence!!!
>HUMILIATION EXCELLENCE!!!
>sorry they just slay in every way...the power of NINGGUANG....
childe/xiao
>hatefucking excellence!!!
>I have no idea how to explain this one. it's like. so completely hinged on GIRL zhongli.. basically (a) think of zhongli as a girl. (b) realize that xiao is extremely loyal pet dog that refuses to break the sacred master/servant distance, (c) childe is Intruder who is disrespectful AF to zhongli but zhongli keeps him around as another pet... and then unruly dog x unruly dog dynamics haptics proxemics excellence! but seriously unless zhongli is a girl it's just not as good.
>ummm... betraying your nation excellence
>violence as love excellence
beidou/xiangling
>im her silly rabbit excellence
>incredible amounts of subtext with no canon interaction excellence ... like the experience of a canon ship that is literally not canon LOL. all of beidou's everything has soooo many references to xiangling... it's epic because she is the silly rabbit of xiangling...
>[ship that should be popular with the masses] excellence(?) it's like... you know... hot sexy mature older woman who is Stronk and cutie bright positive girl who is perfect protag-y... if they actually had legitimate interactions in game I think they'd be very popular LOLOL. proof that even I can get gotten by classic ship tropes. though in this case I'm gotten because beidou is most beloved in liyue harbour and she is the coolest person ever and she's silly rabbitting for your run of the mill genki girl... it's literally so epic I can be gotten by cool character has soft spot for dumbass who takes it for granted.... im love that kind of dynamic....
razor/fischl/bennett
>OUTCAST FREAKS MIDDLE SCHOOLER SLAY EXCELLENCE!!!
>losers excellence. just absolute Fucking Losers excellence. what if all three of you were the uncool kids in class and everyone thought u were freak losers and your only friends were [a little girl/your pet bird/your dads] like!!!! and then only being able to hang out with other epically uncool losers >>>
>girl/boy/boy haptics dynamics proxemics excellence!!! best friends without care for gender is like Fine Sure, but when you're middle schoolers and you have to have intricate middle school rituals on how to deal with this random freak girl who's forcing you to hang out with her. bonus, razor is literally a wolf so he's learning about how fischl being a girl is A Big Thing from bennett and misunderstanding completely. sorry but if u don't think middle school gender politics are hilarious and if u don't think so it's because you're not considering preteen boys having to deal with weird preteen girls!!!
zhongli/hutao
>this isn't like romantically. it's like. the weird tense coworkers angle is soooo good. with Little Hints of sexual deviancy or whatever. I don't know because it's so undefined and barely there that's why it's good.
girl!zhongli/childe
>the I'm sorry women of it all... I have nothing else to say for myself. sometimes men disrespecting women is sexy and I'm reclaiming the trope for myself. in defense of myself, I think the reader needs to know it's disrespectful, but the woman in question either doesn't know it's disrespectful or lets it go... for whatever reason yk. I think it's Bad when it's passed off as romantic/Not A Bad Thing...but as all things, sexy when it's done knowingly.
albedo/mona
>someone is reading this and going 'why is this girl the straightest person in the world' Well, I'm not gay so I don't have bad taste for one.
>SCHOLAR 4 SCHOLAR SLAY EXCELLENCE... falling in love for the first time....the first time experiencing these emotions... FOR BOTH OF THEM.... also mona being the most beautiful coolest girl in the world and ALBEDO seeing that... I just think this is the most romantic of all genshin impact ships....
>water...chalk.....repression....
>tea time excellence....
>MENTORSHIP COMPLEXES EXCELLENCE
>they're just so excellent. AAAARRRGGHHHH
no subject
Date: 2021-06-27 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-06-28 05:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-06-28 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-06-28 07:41 am (UTC)but anyway don't feel bad for leading me onto the path of darkness or anything lol, a bunch of my friends are also genshin likers so i've actually tried to play the game before but i got bored 😔 i just wasnt in the right mindset to receive information that could hurt me at the time, but with this in mind i've been considering giving it another chance 🤔
contrary to my recent history i don't ALWAYS go for middle schoolers + kaeya has been my visual 1pick all along so it was mostly the jeankaeya work wife/work husband feminization that got me, with a side of ningguang/keqing/ganyu (← guy who is ironically but maybe unironically into cuckolding? i really can't explain it) i could probably also go childe/xiao with a little more elaboration too ngl
looking forward to future editions of epic genshin ships!! i'm definitely fucking with your vision heavy so the least i can do is vicariously enjoy genshin through your posts if nothing else
no subject
Date: 2021-06-28 06:37 pm (UTC)anyway... honestly, genshin's in-game story/lore isn't compelling enough to make it worth playing Just For That, but if u like the combat + team building/gacha, then it's like a nice bonus! so I can't recommend playing it for 'plot' ... on the other hand tho, like every random event does feel the need to affirm that jeankaeya is like that.
also omg...firstly I am so glad I got to u before someone could convince u the way to enjoy kaeya was thru diluc/kaeya or kaeya/diluc or some other fail cringe ship, like sure he could be serving some femme dom top realness with bonus incest thrown in or whatever ... but it is seriously much more potent if she wants to be the girl but she is the boy, you can't be anything but the girl because of sociopolitical haptics!!! legit the feminization is sooo well-built into them because There is never going to be another ship that's so obviously and this is her and to me That's Beautiful...
also Um Literally. I was like I just don't get NTR. and then u read about two women and what is literally their cow[goat]girl secretary and how one of them makes everything a toxic 'I got to it first' competition it's like Holy Shit. Nevermind I see it now. it legitimately is that strong... keqing has a couple lines about how she wants to hang out with ganyu but whenever she suggests anything, ningguang's like Actually Ganyu I Needed Something...
childexiao is... ngl mostly self-indulgent I want To See This Omega Bitch Impregnated. but with tasteful notes such as >u are both wretched violent creatures< where both of u have beast modes and were raised as weapons and all and then the epic losses of wanting to be treated with a gentle hand but getting More Aggression and jank Cruelty instead<3 and also the >there is this third person u look up to and u think he is in no way worthy of, and the subsequent humiliation of getting stuck with him anyway< ... myyy fucked toxic mistreatment and erasure ship of choice. lots of potential for deeply fucked up trajectories imo :D
sorry if this got long tyty for enjoying tho!!!
no subject
Date: 2021-06-29 04:37 pm (UTC)i didn't even start playing genshin for the plot, it was mostly just something to do with my hands while i listened to podcasts (+ my friends were into it so i figured i might as well) but the gameplay felt too derivative of botw which irritated me and i never really got the hang of how the gacha worked so i bailed. admittedly i was approaching it pretty uncharitably tho so i'm not opposed to giving it another shot for the sake of fairness if nothing else.
wow it really is true that sometimes ships that are het... are better.... i've definitely heard of kaeya/diluc but nothing really beyond its existence and associated discourse but not much of it has gripped me. and i do love boys who are girls, so i am free from sin (cringe) for now...
ntr is literally about objectification and humiliation, two great tastes that taste great together!!! plus ofc women do it better~ also i went and looked up pics of all these characters, and first of all ningguang is so sexy........ second of all, keqing is literally a catgirl? hello?? this is bait.
xiao is also very beautiful, definitely hardcarrying the visual slay of childexiao. lmfao WHO is the omega bitch?? and why is the interplay of intimacy and violence making me cry rn?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-04 03:42 pm (UTC)also literallyyyyyy the tianqian's office is so fucking sexy...I think what also gets me is that ganyu's nipples are always just out in every art ever which is cuz of the male gaze but at the same time, in the fucking game she only hangs around other women so in universe... Is It Really About The Weebs Playing? Or Is It About Her Boss Fucking Her? no way to know.
I also think xiao is very beautiful so it follows he is the omegabitch in question ;_; I can't help my tastes but I never want to give a white man rights. RIGHTTTT the tender crueltyisms of it all imo...