夏五/五夏/夏五/五夏/夏五/五夏/夏五/五夏ZONE.DO.NOT.ENTER.3

"Every morning the same big / and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out / You will be alone always and then you will die. / So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog / of non-definitive acts, / something other than the desperation."

some quotes from Litany (Siken, retrieved from here) that I will use to further my 夏五 collections and cause myself. deep. horrific. horror filled ... I won't intersperse with manga screenshots this time (I am Not Strong Enough) but I will annotate. I seriously am not strong enough.
( I had a dream once... )

• < Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, > I think the fun in this poem is the ambiguity of who's saying what. but Gojo's bony elbows, gojo's long, lanky body always interrupting others, always taking up space. what's worse? that it had to end or that it's something of regret now?
• < how I ruined everything by saying it out loud / Especially that, but I should have known. > I love to apply this to the unheard line Gojo says to Geto, that Geto can only reply with [at least curse me a little at the very end]. it's apparently [you are my best friend, the only one I ever had] ... it's one thing to die thinking that you became enemies, that you never had a chance, that he never wanted you back. it's another thing to die knowing that you turned yourself into a monster and still it wasn't enough to ruin you. not to him. in a similar vein, geto being the only person gojo could say this to. and him immediately dying. saying it out loud makes it true. you had one confession, one secret and the only person who knows is a dead man. something something...saying the words out loud made them a curse.

"You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together / to make a creature that will do what I say / or love me back. / I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not / feeding yourself to a bad man / against a black sky prickled with small lights."

• oh. oh
• so it's like < I take the parts that I remember / to make a creature that will / love me back > because the heart of it is that he didn't love you enough. he loved you but it wasn't enough. you loved him and it wasn't enough
• < in this version you are not feeding yourself to a bad man > easy enough. feeding yourself to the worst version of what you could become [geto obviously], but also like feeding on curses as the literal connection... my brain is many thoughts scattered but it's like that. Geto hated feeding on curses because at a point he saw it as meaningless....kenjaku taking over him could also be seen as that ... Geto being consumed by the curses [the negative energy] to the point where he becomes a curse user.... everything together to hurt everyone in this room

"I take it back. / The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths. / I take them back. / Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed. / Crossed out. / Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something / underneath the floorboards."

• this is the part where I go like....so you know my queen @y2ySrJIU8CaTA3a? jjks-dodo on tumblr? and all they do is hurt me very bad by drawing The Way It Was. What It Was. just so many scenes of them being idiots back in school so < Clumsy hands in a dark room > is literally canonified to me, By Them. they were just teenagers, just stupid and idiotic and he thought he was king of the world and you thought he'd need you around to keep him in check and. just the way it was. it seemed so simple.
• < wooden halls like caskets > jjk tech literally being a place that endangers it's students. just saying. it's like.... all in canon. itadori gets beaten up the first time he goes, haibara dies, well you know what happened to 夏五, wooden halls like caskets literally the Perfect Descriptor. < There is something underneath the floorboards > again the obvious implications of jjk tech not being as accepting and good of a school as it seems on the surface, that even when they could ignore geto's burgeoning breakdown, that even as they stall it out, it's still budding, it's still building. the ending will still be -
• < Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed > the stairs where he says 'are you really asking me that?' the conversation before they meet, the conversation after they meet. incidentally might be the same stairs maki finds nobamegu thinking about itadori's death. huh.

"Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all / forgiven, / even though we didn’t deserve it."

• it really is like that.

"The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell. / Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time."

• It's one minute worth of time inside Gojo's brain.
• [Three years of his youth.]
• the um. sunk-cost of Gojo reliving his youth. well we know.

"Forget the dragon, / leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness. / Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany, / in gold light, as the camera pans to where / the action is, / lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see / the blue rings of my eyes as I say / something ugly. / I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way, / and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way. / But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats. / There were some nice parts, sure, / all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas / and the grains of sugar / on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number."

• I feel like this encompasses a lot that I have nothing to say to. it's like. the long hazy summer that ended so abruptly. the 'something sweet, I'll probably share with Satoru' / < Let's jump ahead to the moment of epiphany > which was it? which was it? realizing how to use reverse curse technique? when yuki told you how to get rid of curses? realizing he's thrown in his cards? [Kill me if you want, there's a meaning to that.]? [Apparently, it's not enough for me to be strong enough alone.]? the strongest duo. what I'm saying, is that it's a litany. where certain things are crossed out. huh.
• when he says 'it doesn't work!' is that the wrong step. is that where it goes wrong? because it works for him, and that's the arrogance in it. he's the strongest, and you've been left in the shadows. he's ascended to the highest light, and in the dark you've been thinking. more love streaming out the wrong way — it's not supposed to be like this it was never supposed to be like this. the strongest duo. the world can go to shit but he can't leave your side. and still. and still.
• I... < There were some nice parts, sure, / love love or whatever, take a number. > what I'm saying, is that it was love love, it was that you were best friends, that you were untouchable, and all to the end that It Wasn't Enough. that, whatever, take a number. That this all Really happened. in 2008. but you lived through it. you survived. you were hurt your were scathed but you were just a kid. and despite it all, you're still you.


I’m sorry
it’s such a lousy story.