guy who's having a bad year
Jul. 14th, 2022 12:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fwcuI think I am becoming worse as time passes. like wow... guess who's been a huge bitch on twitter and keeps telling everyone that they're here for the Hüge Bitch Experience to avoid betterment and repercussions but dammmnnnnn I just am not having fun anywhere anymore. I think 'fandom' is not really fun for me anymore... and in a similar way, there's no longer a want to share my thoughts about things (...) IDK I'm at the defeatist point of 'well everyone's allowed to have their own opinions, and if I won't change mine, I can't expect someone else to change theirs...' and it's like ... okay if we're enjoying the same media we should be here like | me | | you | and there should be no interaction. only retweets of \gen fanart of things we both don't hate.
on this point I think like... a huge part is that one of my 'main' fandoms is like ... genshin. and there is nothing enjoyable about that experience in any way, and all my faves are either like extremely mischaracterised or like slanted for characters I hate, or like, only drawn in really sexist hetship art ways or just. drawn for porn purposes. and that's all before we get into the shipping. which is just bad. I'm like so tired of hating on things and explaining why I hate them. I just don't like things. they go against my personal morals or tastes or whatever the fuck. and I don't have to be exposed to things I don't like! and I don't have to like them or accept that people like them or whatever! like you are wrong to me and that's enough!
idk. I really am sick of myself these days and I'm also just, so sick of being unable to enjoy things. like 'oh why would u let other people ruin ur experience of something!' and it's like IDKKKKK it just. Keeps Happening. I'm never trying to actively like, look for something to hate for. but I think at the same time, I keep finding things I disagree with more intensely than things I agree with intensely. and IDK maybe it is me leaning into the haterism too much, but I don't even fucking know anymore.
idk I guess . mildly more positively... I think I've enjoyed just... watching\consuming content and just. Keeping my thoughts to myself. IDK. I won't say I've seen Every TxT video ever... but I've seen a fair amount and had a few conversations with poppy and nico about some of their dynamics,
and that was Fun. I read like this insanely long beomjun social media au by ninetqs, which managed to have really like, wrong characterisation, but it was so wrong that it circled back to being correct in many ways even. like it's not accurate, but it's Real. like that's True if not Correct. like precise, but not accurate? or the other way around. anyway I had so much fun reading that because she went so fucking In on the commitment to it. I watched their fucking concert on both days. enjoyed that too.
and I would say the Low point to the whole thing, was like making a txt alt twitter and like somehow making a mutual on it... like, going through other 'shippy' accounts and just ... did not enjoy a single thing I saw. and I have to point this out -- when I go through tags, or searches, or other accounts and likes -- I'm not doing it to find things to hate, I'm trying to find content I enjoy -- and in this case, it was like, beomgyu pics or videos or lore, and you know. you do that. you get landmined. IDKKKKKK. either way. anyway I also don't like oomf's tweets so like I can't even tweet anything on my txt rtspam alt. which is annoying in it's own way. like, look, they deserve happiness and contentment and mental wellness as a person, but as a twitter account... it's just different.
do I have any other experiences I would like to share with the class? IDK I feel like my modus operandi has always just been to sb whoever I don't want on my tl, and it WORKS. would u believe that. but at this rate, it's so many mutuals-in-law that I'm ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (...) BY THE WAY. in this regard, there is a very different experience of not liking the content\characters someone likes, and not liking the way they tweet about those things or anything in general... and it's like! if I really hate some content so bad, I can simply block and mute like those terms ... and if it's less offensive, just ignore it. but again, I have to like you *personally* ... I don't know it's all bad and weird and I just feel like I have been secreting very toxic and poisonous and unpleasant vibes of all sorts.
IDK. hopefully I'll have more fun soon or figure out how to have more fun soon... idk hopefully this wasn't extremely depressing to read... as always I kind of don't like talking about things I hate, so I don't know tried to approach it more in the way of ... idk less specific, more reflective?
idk if anyone gets it or doesnt or what... as always, my posts, while not relatable, are polarising...
on this point I think like... a huge part is that one of my 'main' fandoms is like ... genshin. and there is nothing enjoyable about that experience in any way, and all my faves are either like extremely mischaracterised or like slanted for characters I hate, or like, only drawn in really sexist hetship art ways or just. drawn for porn purposes. and that's all before we get into the shipping. which is just bad. I'm like so tired of hating on things and explaining why I hate them. I just don't like things. they go against my personal morals or tastes or whatever the fuck. and I don't have to be exposed to things I don't like! and I don't have to like them or accept that people like them or whatever! like you are wrong to me and that's enough!
idk. I really am sick of myself these days and I'm also just, so sick of being unable to enjoy things. like 'oh why would u let other people ruin ur experience of something!' and it's like IDKKKKK it just. Keeps Happening. I'm never trying to actively like, look for something to hate for. but I think at the same time, I keep finding things I disagree with more intensely than things I agree with intensely. and IDK maybe it is me leaning into the haterism too much, but I don't even fucking know anymore.
idk I guess . mildly more positively... I think I've enjoyed just... watching\consuming content and just. Keeping my thoughts to myself. IDK. I won't say I've seen Every TxT video ever... but I've seen a fair amount and had a few conversations with poppy and nico about some of their dynamics,
and that was Fun. I read like this insanely long beomjun social media au by ninetqs, which managed to have really like, wrong characterisation, but it was so wrong that it circled back to being correct in many ways even. like it's not accurate, but it's Real. like that's True if not Correct. like precise, but not accurate? or the other way around. anyway I had so much fun reading that because she went so fucking In on the commitment to it. I watched their fucking concert on both days. enjoyed that too.
and I would say the Low point to the whole thing, was like making a txt alt twitter and like somehow making a mutual on it... like, going through other 'shippy' accounts and just ... did not enjoy a single thing I saw. and I have to point this out -- when I go through tags, or searches, or other accounts and likes -- I'm not doing it to find things to hate, I'm trying to find content I enjoy -- and in this case, it was like, beomgyu pics or videos or lore, and you know. you do that. you get landmined. IDKKKKKK. either way. anyway I also don't like oomf's tweets so like I can't even tweet anything on my txt rtspam alt. which is annoying in it's own way. like, look, they deserve happiness and contentment and mental wellness as a person, but as a twitter account... it's just different.
do I have any other experiences I would like to share with the class? IDK I feel like my modus operandi has always just been to sb whoever I don't want on my tl, and it WORKS. would u believe that. but at this rate, it's so many mutuals-in-law that I'm ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (...) BY THE WAY. in this regard, there is a very different experience of not liking the content\characters someone likes, and not liking the way they tweet about those things or anything in general... and it's like! if I really hate some content so bad, I can simply block and mute like those terms ... and if it's less offensive, just ignore it. but again, I have to like you *personally* ... I don't know it's all bad and weird and I just feel like I have been secreting very toxic and poisonous and unpleasant vibes of all sorts.
IDK. hopefully I'll have more fun soon or figure out how to have more fun soon... idk hopefully this wasn't extremely depressing to read... as always I kind of don't like talking about things I hate, so I don't know tried to approach it more in the way of ... idk less specific, more reflective?
idk if anyone gets it or doesnt or what... as always, my posts, while not relatable, are polarising...
no subject
Date: 2022-07-15 06:31 pm (UTC)i've only ever known you during your toxic haterism era/this year so that's my only frame of reference, but i wouldn't say the vibes you're putting out are too horrific tbh... every time we've gamed or been on fujo symposia you've been perfectly genki and positive so 🤷♀️
sometimes it's nice to go closed borders no new friends mode though, it seems like that's been/would be the most helpful
no subject
Date: 2022-07-16 07:46 am (UTC)hopefully my toxic haterism dies a natural death and I stop getting landmined at everything. however it is true my takes on feminisation\girlification are almost always at odds with urs so I feel like we will never be able to meet peaceably on that level :(
no subject
Date: 2022-07-16 08:34 am (UTC)i mean its good to be less of a hater for your own sake, but i also think it's okay to disagree on like respectful academic grounds or whatever bc none of this is a hill i'm planning to die on and i'm not taking things personally so yk.. if you don't wanna do #debates and stuff that's fine tho
but yeah most of the times when i've been overwhelmed by haterism in the past i just stopped looking at the tl/stuck to only dms to talk to people i wanted to talk to until i rebalanced my brain, so that's my advice but i will hope and pray on the downfall of your toxic haterism too
no subject
Date: 2022-07-16 12:29 pm (UTC)“I think I've enjoyed just... watching\consuming content and just. Keeping my thoughts to myself.”
this has been great for me too honestly. i do kinda miss being crazy and using braincells to post on here. but just watching shit for the fun of it has been healing in its own way too. and its so freeing discussing things ONLY w ppl whose opinions i actually care about/being able to completely block out the existence of strangers who i think are wrong lmao…. anyways i love u and am sending u positive energies always <3
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 11:59 am (UTC)