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guess who finished all 4 neapolitan novels? me. it was me.

I thought I was going to rank book 1 as the best book for shallower reasons, but I think having read book 2, 3 and 4, it was the one I enjoyed the most and the one that stuck with me more than the others. arbitrary ranking: 1, 3, 2, 4. I skimmed and skipped the last 100 pages of book 4. though had it ended at tina, at that brilliant chapter, it probably would've been the best book.

if you haven't already [unlikely, given the crowd] omg, go read them!!!

anyway these are just. v messy, v shallow thoughts.

overall thoughts

damn these books are crazy. damn. daaaaaaaaaaaamn. I was thinking of telling my parents what I was reading, and then I thought, well I think there's value in reading the 'trivialities' of a woman's life, the daily, the mundane of their story. I think what I loved about it is that Lina is always promised and presented as this magical, mystical story, and even when she is dragged through the mud, and her life simple and boring as any other person's, it isn't. it's in her existence, or the reverence of it, or more specifically, the reverence that elena has of her, that she exists so unlike any and every other woman. the craziest books about some random woman's daily life you'll ever read.

before reading these books, which I picked up because I vaguely remembered wanting to read them and I had an eight hour flight, I was explaining to lin what I want from girls in novels, and particularly about girls and their relationships to other girls. that yes, I wanted them to be consumed by each other, I wanted them to be the most important person to each other, I wanted them to love each other - be in love with each other - it's the same to me, but I did not want them to be romantic. damn bitch I should've just read my brilliant friend and been sated. WELL NOW. now I'm sated. this genuinely was the book for me. TO ME. it's like Holy Fuck Holy Fuuuuck. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. it just has everything. wretched girls. MEAN TERRIBLE WRETCHED GIRLS. ugly girls. the toxic female friendship, the contradictory shallowness and deepness of the female friendship. the way it's just. how do I even explain it? The Girl Best Friendism.

my brilliant friend

I think I liked this best for the reasons that anyone in my demographic would like this the best. the girls who like girls ism of this book is far more potent than any of the books that follow. because well it's repressed later on, and also, elena doesn't think she hates lina yet and also doesn't hate lina yet.
the two high points of this book:
(1) thrilling moment no.1: elena the moment before lina takes her vows, thinks about how she wishes to run away with her and leave all the men behind and have it only be lina and lenu. which me recounting it is deriving it of all it's romance, but IN THE READING.
(2) thrilling moment no.2: elena wanting to take lina as a man would just before her wedding, so she can ruin lina before lena is ruined by her husband. LIKE. LIKE>>> on the first eve of seeing her naked also. this moment actually goes crazy it goes insane and YES I do like my repressed homosexuality attempting to express itself using heterosexual notions because I don't know it just slaps. [can't explain myself] LISTEN.
(3) bonus thrilling moment no.3: the title drop moment.

the other reason this stands out as the best book, I feel like you need to read the other books to understand. the potential of children. in this book, and this book only, you feel like the story of elena and lina could go anywhere. that anything could happen to them, that the book could dip into any genre, given the strokes of fate and the whim of the characters. this book, in retrospect made me understand why heroes who save the world in their respective genres, are always so young. why the stories of ya can only exist within the confines of ya with only young adult characters. you really just can't have a 30 year old woman be spirited away into the magical realm of faerie or so, and expect similar results. that character really does have to be a kid.

I also loved how it was elena who was blonde and pretty and curvy, and lina was skinny and brunnette and sharp-edged, that lina had it worse and was better (...) I think my only grapple is that later on, lina gets beautiful but like, it was vaguely plot relevant......

the story of a new name

this book is delicious because it begins the fun exercise of spotting when lenu speaks of lina's partners, how she means it's herself that is being mistreated. the highlight is this passage where she shares lina's vacation house bed for the first time of the whole stay, and she thinks of how lina spends every night cheating on stefano by sleeping with nino, stefano whom she abandoned and betrayed, stefano, who's side of the bed elena is laying on. BPBGPERIHDFJKLGVPAHBKJSNLDGLV HASKDNXV\. RIGHT????? RIGHT?!?!??!?!?!! the passage is much more delicious in the text but oh my god.

nino somehow solidifies himself as a main character [negative] however lina is basically confirmed asexual lesbian or something. or just a lesbian. whatever. WHAT MATTERS is that actually elena-nino-lina is basically my tennis middle school mating rituals thesis but like worse. the POINT is that nino plays the same role for elena that lina plays HOWEVER with nino it's much easier to attribute the emotion to Love the way it cannot with lina. and ALSO the reason lina gets involved with nino is because elena loves nino. also of note, the way men fall in love with lina is by realizing all the traits that elena had loved and noted and known about lina since they were children. none of that love then, ever feels truly like love, just a hollow insincere echo, and you're left knowing that the one person who would have loved lina correctly and done by her correctly, and seen and loved her truly, is the only one who is not allowed to play the role of suitor.

those who leave and those who stay

I ranked this as number 2? on my ranking list. I'm not sure why. rethinking about it. it's probably 1, 2, 4, 3. BUT ALSO. I think the reason I loved it was because finally the satisfaction of elena being to revel in love. yes it's with nino yes sure it's not ideal but sometimes we are girls who enjoy romance. I think what feels very good about the romance, is that all the flaws of nino as a teenager that elena narrated but did not acknowledge, are no longer present, and instead he feels like a worthier partner for her, and it makes you feel good. reading like 'oh he really truly is a better man' [LOL]. I don't even know. I do think that this was one of the easier books to slog through of the series because of the romance. it was like, the mediocre payoff to all the build-up. like there was a better option [LINA MAKING IT CLEAR TO ELENA ABOUT WHAT ELENA MEANS TO HER], but like Alright. I'll Take It.

thrilling moment: okay this is kind of weird, but ALSO, in a vacuum, when elena sees her kid[F] and lina's kid[M] going through infant sexuality together or whatever, and she thinks that she[F] and lina[F] would've never been allowed to do so. I DON'T KNOW. it's just the way she always makes these connections like why would she think that even.
thrilling moment: I think it's this book, might be book 4, but when they go to the professor's house and lina is coveted and adored and upstages elena, and elena spends the whole time stewing in rage and misery because lina does what she always has to her. and then they leave, and lina starts RAGING at the professor for her treatment of elena and what happened at the house and horrible it was and how she was a huge bitch. sorry it's the mixture of how everyone else in the world would prefer lina to elena, but lina will always prefer lenu to the world. the twisted psyche of how lina upstages elena and outdoes her at every turn because it's Elena she wants to impress, that it's elena who she wants to show that she can keep up, and she can do it all as well, and it's just.... YOU KNOWWWW

the story of the lost child

there's a line that elena's daughter says to her: "all you care about is your work and aunt lina" and that's ITTTT. it's because it's TRUE. also elena's work=lina, a thesis I will not explain and feel like I do not have to, something something about her work being the only space she has that is not lina's, that is not shareable with lina. something something. something. something that she only pursues BECAUSE of lina. I don't know. like I said, this book had it ended at TINA would've been the best book. there's this almost montage, of how lina and elena are pregnant at the same time, and have their daughters a month apart and it just. how did I explain it to lin. they make every relationship they have, regardless of whether it is their own DAUGHTERS, about their own relationship. it's just fucking crazy you guys SUCK. something about how imma and tina were going to be lina and elena all over again except they weren't because the cycle broke. IDK.

thrilling moment: elena thinking alfonso is more and more beautiful BECAUSE he looks more and more like lina.
thrilling moment: elena finally wins when tina disappears. and that's why the cycle breaks and why linalenu won't be any longer, why the dynamic and it's balance is shattered forever. except elena doesn't win because she has her daughter and lina doesn't, elena wins because the moment tina disappears, lina is holding imma.

I barely paid attention to this book after tina, it was pointless almost...well that and it leaned so heavily into politics and people who were not lina. I DON'T KNOW. something something about how when elena returned, not to naples, but to the apartment above lina in naples, was when everything fell back into place. sorry for not having thoughts it's just (...) every book is this exercise of how time without lina is a blur and merges together into a long montage of nothingness and misery, but time with lina is sharp and clear in every moment and feeling, and elena is miserable maybe, but it's in this lina-inflicted misery she revels in. liiiike.

final thoughts

these books were so crazy and so good. like the parts that were good were soooo good and the parts that were boring and heterosexual were still very readable because it's 10000% like...No matter how you think about it, this is all LINA'S FAULT.

my biggest hot take about these books is that it did not matter *who* elena was, not as a person nor how she ended up nor what her personality was, anyone could've been in the spot that elena was, and lina would have the same terrible hold and same terrible effect on them.

in saying so, the fact that it was elena made some parts so goddamn unbearable but for that same unbearability, made the whole book so goddamn good. I think because elena so deeply undervalues herself in regard to lina, therefore is unable to comprehend that lina might like her or think highly of her, and instead takes everything lina does as a negative, is SOOOOOOO. like you, the reader reading through lina's words, her actions, and then seeing it side by side to elena's narration. in a lot of books, it's either that the narrator is so undistinct, that everything that's written in their voice is the objective of the situation, or the narration is written so everything seems objective and the author can't ever seem to make it clear that it isn't. these books do such a brilliant job of making it clear to the reader that These are Elena's Thoughts, this is how Elena sees this, this is how She recounts this... and it's clever because it never reminds you in the middle of her thoughts, but only when she's recollecting facts or reminiscing about how she viewed something then, versus now. it's never that she says she interpreted lina's actions like this, but that her interpretation of lina's actions are written as the truth and the objective fact, but you the reader, have read those same actions, and know to question it.

also. everyone in their life calling lina 'lila' and only elena calls her 'lina' and the similarity of lina>elena, lina>lenu...

as a last note. I just loved how this truly captured the progression of how someone changes from how they were as a child to how they are as a teen and how they are as a young adult, an adult... that elena was so recognizable yet so different, that you could read something she does later in her life and think of how she would've reacted so differently as a child. that all the same, lina grew older, but still stayed almost exact to how she was as a child, only more jaded to the world. and how that was perfect to each respective character, because lenu will always change herself to be more liked, and lina will change the world to like it more.

these books were just so good.

in the end, I feel like all of linalenu is encompassed by this, something within the first 100 pages, and the biggest failure of their relationship is that this understanding is never reached again.

"Was it possible? She had taken me with her hoping that as a punishment my parents would not send me to middle school? Or had she brought me back in such a hurry so that I would avoid that punishment? Or—I wonder today—did she want at different moments both things?"

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Location: tuntun's room, porebhag

TOGETHER we will ALL MANIFEST. that I, x__x FWCU, will pull AN EARLY JADE CUTTER.

JADE CUTTER....they put JADE CUTTER on kokomi weapon banner......... JADE CUTTER...... wow when I said I was going to r5 every favonious weapon I was correct and WORSE, the 35/35/7 chance I have to either roll (a) BEAUTIMONIOUS JADE CUTTER FOR CRAZY JEAN BUILD (b) catalyst literally no one is ever going to use (c)skyward pride. if I pull an off-banner skyward pride I'm going to kill myself. BUT if I pull an offbanner AQUILA FAVONIA !!! JEANNNNNNNN<33333

but also posthumously realizing I have to farm entirely new artifacts to give her slayer ratios if I get a sword with 44.1% CR. anyway.

Current Mood: anxious

I was like >maybe I should remake twitter< since I’m stuck in bangladesh for a year LOL therefore I deserve a prize. but I have since realized that I deeply hate everyone who is not already my friend. like wow. everyone sucks and has terrible opinions and I will simply be subject to them without ever being able to fix them.

this more than anything, applies to you [redacted] and you [redacted]. Fuck both of you guys. you always have wrong opinions and main the worst ships imaginable in like, horribly public ways. if youre going to be embarrassing about a bad ship, at least be self-aware of it. imo cringe still needs to exist to keep people on the internet in check. it just builds your character when you go thru cringe and learn to repress certain things because certain things do need to be repressed. I am just saying.

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: porebhag

LMFAO I saw this and I wanted to do it. as I have said I love to talk about my thoughts on everything. I love to document my thoughts/experiences/takes.

weirdest topic to research
honestly I don't do research. however I was searching up eye diseases/injuries to figure out how to make gojo have fucked up eyesight in a normal guy au. LOL.

thing you like but haven't written yet
there's a lottt... I love comedy fic but I'm not confident enough in my humour... I love slowburn and A Lot of Romance however I only write repression and understated feelings... honestly yeah. I want to write something that is extremely romantic and deeply felt and super about Love and Being In Love but I'm a freak so I get embarrassed. honestly I just want to write shoujo manga but in fic form LOL.

guilty pleasure fic trope
I like abo. I don't think it's like guilty pleasure? because reading it isn't really fun unless it's like 2014/15/early16 fic, but au-ing it is really fun. TO ME.

feature film is being made about my favourite work...what's the theme song.
the first fic that popped into my head was >Enter An Everyman and Three Lovers< I think... shine by pentagon? is the song that would fit most? loser who loves you, I'm a leech, I'm a nuisance ... yeah? I'm not sure the actual mood of the song works, but the lyrics do. as for a fitting mood.... circus taeyeon?

okay I just realized that this was about My Own Favourite Work. the soundtrack to jenozine is sunflower.

ideal writing location/set up
it's like 12pm, I'm in bed, it's dark and I'm writing on gdocs on my phone LOL. that's when I do my best writing LOL.

kidnapped, how would someone know your fic isn't you
well, the fact that it's published. I don't know. it's actually a relationship study and not a character study pretending to be a relationship study.

alternate titles
arrival of the birds was actually called 'we move like water' but then I wanted to save 'we move like water' for something else that fit it more... or actually, I think I preferred <arrival> to that.
I think unspoken dance is my favourite title.... twin primes was going to be called something else too but I forget what. something about parallel lines? it was more poetic and the gp liked it better but people who actually knew what twin primes were liked twin primes better LOL.
wip-wise... debating between >where the west wind rises< [jean constellation name] versus >fragile heart< [hk charm name] vs. >windsong< [kazuha talent name]
I think titling something is the funnest part and I do put a fair amount of thought into it LOL. my main schemata is that it has to relate back to what I'm getting at with the fic.

writing tastes/smells/feels like
a clean, made bed. almost impersonal and a little dull, mundane as hell, but still a bed.

first ever fic
...dan and phil. (i was obsessed with parentheses)

theme/line/play on words...
in unspoken dance, a really big thing for me as femininity. especially, mean girl, stereotypical femininity, about makeup and nails and looks. the fandom take on aelwyn [at the time] was that she cuts off all her hair and rejects everything feminine and all... which wasn't my preferred interpretation. first of all, mean girls don't get enough credit for being themselves, and girls who adhere to strict ideals of femininity In Fandom Spaces, isn't really a Thing. for well-founded reasons, of course. but I think >redemption< immediately meaning breaking out of societally imposed femininity is a little... especially since aelwyn was Not redeemed.
a method of character building that I have an appreciation for, is how a character appearance/build reflects the character's personality/complexes...and so aelwyn using femininity as a defense mechanism, adhering to standards of how she should look and only every focusing on the shallow, surface level things, was an important reflection of her character to me. it wasn't actually commentary on femininity really, it was an idea of how she could use it, or how[why] she would embrace it.
it was secondary to the relationship between the sisters, but it was also the mechanism that drives them closer.

nicest review...
ash or lin can have this spot LOL. ash's comment on never strangers... I think I read it like three times a day for a couple days. and also why like, I can acknowledge the fic is good probably even though I don't really see it myself. I personally prefer? twin primes, but again twin primes is something I wrote for myself.
and lin always is so nice to me about my writing! also she understands the romance in every nonromantic romantic moment I write so I feel very seen always.

style/technique you want to try
"Chanyeol used to think it was weird that the human heart wasn't at your centre, under the thickest shield of bone in your body. He thinks now that maybe it was intentional, that maybe the heart has to be a little vulnerable and out of place, pulled towards the kin that calls for it." (x)

"Maybe he drags it out from under his bed and tries to forage the truth from it, his own or Sirius’s or all of theirs together, scavenging through bones long picked clean, trying to put two and two together alone.

But the problem is, two and two doesn’t always get you the truth, or redemption, or anything worth fucking with at all. Two and two is a man moaning in the deathbed darkness of a prison cell; two and two is another man a thousand miles away sobbing on a bathroom floor, I loved you, I loved you, as if they are the only words that mean anything at all. Two and two is thinking of the way Peter used to teeter at the edges of a room, how he could stitch himself to the shadows and find a weak spot in the thickest castle walls and thinking, you idiot, you stupid motherfucker, you should have known, you’d’ve seen if you had half the brain you thought you did, and then looking at twelve-year-old Peter Pettigrew grinning at him over Gobstones and pumpkin pasty from Remus’s photo album and knowing, deeper down, that it’s never that easy. Two and two equals the empty space between himself and Remus on the sagging bed they share every night. Two and two is twelve dead years. A living man is not his labelled bones." (x)

I think about these lines all the fucking time. also ao3 user topazios.

talk about what you like best about your style
I think the way I cut scenes.
I think sometimes you read fic, especially longer fic, and mediocre fic, and as a reader you're like 'why am I reading this, what's the point of this scene.' and there's a lot of writing, not just in fic, where things are padded out for no reason. I think in fic is where quality over quantity matters most, because at the most base form, the reader only wants to read about their otp interacting. so anything that's not about that, is a waste.
it goes for adding funny moments or scenery description or whatever as well.
I hesitate to say this, but I'm very chekov's gun about what I write in and what I don't. like I don't need to describe that these characters go from a park to a convenience store. the reader can intuit that.
that's one part of it, the other part is where you cut the scene. I think it's pretty commonplace to indicate that the scene ends here, and in the writing, it's the equivalent of a fade to black. I prefer to straight up change the shot? a lot of my scenes end where they need to end. and instead of having a smooth transition to where it continues, I just cut to where it continues. I commonly cut someone off after they start a conversation, because I don't need to write it out when I know it'll come up later, so I don't repeat the same thing twice when I don't need to. this works mostly in fic and short fiction, because in books you have a lot more time to pad out the inbetween space, whereas you don't have that in fic. you don't need to remind the reader of it's contents, you can just write it out because they'll be anticipating.
obviously, I don't know if it's Amazing or Great or really adds to my writing, but I do think it's very characteristic.
also when I mention cutting scenes, I mean especially when the set stays the same, but it's moving through different moments.

easy characters to write for
serious, earnest characters. point-blank. characters who are serious are so easy because they know what's important to them, and therefore you as an author know what to write and narrate that much more easily. cases being: renjun, jean, lyx. etc.

hard characters to write for
characters who don't know what's going on/characters that don't reveal their cards/characters who are funny and innately charming. the thing is I stick very heavily to character voice, so I'd like to be as authentic as possible. and it's just soooo hard to balance what the characters knows/what they pay attention to versus what the reader should/can intuit from the situation... especially with like characters who don't want to reveal their intentions... it's like!!! how do I make this obvious without making it obvious!!! cases in point: KIRIHARA AKAYA. who is just the dumbest person in the worlddd. TO ME. kaeya probably [guy who doesn't want to think about his past, however his past informs everything he does in the present so ???]. haechan. I am not good at writing guys who are flashy and charming and funny.

also I meant both of these as like... characters who's povs are hard to write from. I think it's very to write a character being observed TBH because the observation hinges on what the narrator thinks the character is like LOL.

dvd commentary
aaaah....I'm going to cheat.... this scene isn't even finished LMFAO

"— He is a child of Mondstadt, just like me. Just like Diluc. Like Klee."

[...]

Geraldine Lawrence had left, but Kaeya’s grip on his wineglass remained tightly wound, the stretched skin over his knuckles nearly white.

“Margaret,” Jean asked as the woman passed by, “Could you get us another glass of Death?”

“You don’t drink,” Kaeya says. It's rare for him to be this stupid.

“Kaeya,” as always, Jean says his name with softness. She gestures. “You’ve ruined your wine.” Ice had formed at the bottom, where he’d been gripping it.

He looks at her. He would collapse to the ground and hold her legs if he could at that moment, and she knows that it’d be far less humiliating for him to do so, than to swallow his pride and not say a thing. He looks so miserable. In all his grace and elegance, the bird feather and swan posture, it all fails him when accepting kindness. He can never swallow it well.

Jean wants to offer him her handkerchief. Jean wants to cover him up and not let a single other soul see. Jean wants to fold him up and curl him to her chest, where his finely shaped nose will press against the crook where her shoulder meets her neck, and she can feel the cadence of each of his breaths against her skin until she knows he's fine.

Instead, she stands straight and she stands still. Offering the chance. He could kneel at her feet still, and she would let him, because she knows. She would accept his disgrace, his humiliation, his gratitude, and she would kneel down and wipe his tears and say still, he is a child of Mondstadt. He is her best knight. Of all the lions, and all the wolves, and all the falcons in their long history, she would want him still. She loves him most. She picks him out, against all the better hunters, all the birds with more fire, all the softer animals. She would do it again.

A flightless bird is not only worthy of pity. It can also be beautiful.

well honestly... the most important part of this scene to me is the last line. it's a direct rip off of Queen's Gambit, where beth says 'Chess isn't only competitive. Chess can also be beautiful.' the other important parts of this scene: Jean's Grandmasterlyness. Kaeya the disowned orphan who is not from Mondstadt. KAEYA THE FLIGHTLESS BIRD.

uhh step by step commentary. sorry this scene is like the pinnacle of my kaejean thesis.

okay, first of all, I think one of the defining things about kaejean is the difference in social status and how Jean is and will be Kaeya's saving grace. within the knights and with civilians, it doesn't matter because they're knights. but within aristocratic society, it's a different matter because both their family names carry so much weight. and jean IS the golden child of mondstadt, their fairest and kindest protector and the embodiment of what the knights and her lineage stands for. while kaeya is an orphan from a traitorous nation who has been Disowned by the family that took him in. OBVIOUSLY I want someone to COMMENT on it. people like legit just ignore the fuck out how precarious his social standing is unless it's like being used as a plot device but I think he would be very very aware of it. especially because he has been abandoned by his family TWICE now. and I think the whole point of this fic, and of kaejean is that they are perfect knight/lady romance. jean is the prince and kaeya is almost a cinderella of sorts. that he is her damsel in distress!!! and obviously, if anyone DID speak out in defense of kaeya, jean's words would have the most effect as to whether or not he belongs in mondstadt, and whether or not he belongs in the knights.

and all of this is also about how. kaeya is literally an abandoned orphan who does not belong here. I think maybe the trope of orphans<>not feeling like they belong is overdone, but also it's so good. and part of why it's so good with kaejean is because kaeya thought he found a place with diluc and the ragnvindrs but he hasn't! and the reason why he joins the knight is to be diluc's shadow, and once diluc severs ties with him, it's like he no longer has a place in mond, and all he has left is this position with the knights. this, less importantly, compounds on both their workholic tendencies, but MORE IMPORTANTLY. jean IS the knights of favonious. and jean IS mondstadt, and her acceptance of kaeya as her most trusted aide and her acceptance of kaeya as a child of mondstadt, is the word of god is it not? it's LITERALLYYYY ABOUT JEAN CREATING A PLACE FOR KAEYA TO BELONG IN... because she has the power and the authority to make him that and give him that if she cannot give him anything else!!! love as an act of service!!!

and it's about this Mondstadt, the city of wind and freedom. and KAEYA who is a flightless bird [PEACOCK] and therefore embodies the opposite of these ideals!!! he who is unfit for a place here!!! and YETTTTT it's jean [also chained] who decides that he belongs here anyway.

and this is where Jean Grandmasterlyness comes in. JEAN WHO IS SOFT AND LOVING AND KIND AND CARING BY HEART. but jean who is the grandmaster, who cannot show impartiality, who needs to stand strong and stiff-backed and be a pillar. jean who is not the dandelion, but a lion. DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE STRINGS OF FATE. a lot of this fic and also kaejean methodology is about no matter how much she loves him, she can't offer him the softness of that love. that she can't offer him that love at all, because to her, first is always mondstadt. her priority is mondstadt, her priority is in being it's protector, her life is dedicated to it and it alone. love is not worth thinking about. AND THAT IS WHYYY JEAN IS THE BEST CHARACTER. forsaking the ideal of love for her city. THE SELF-SACRIFICE OF IT ALL. it's literally like that and about that.

also ties perfectly back to boy-girl reversals where jean is the workaholic husband that has no time for her personal/family life and kaeya is the pretty wife who is more an ornament than anything else. IIIII... allude to it throughout the fic, but there's mentions of how jean can't ask for a romantic relationship with anyone because her citizens will always come first and that's something she won't ask of anyone, to accept that. except, and this is where kaejean is so perfectly WRETCHED to ME, kaeya who has 'no right' to accept anything of anyone, who already owes an endless debt of gratitude to jean, who likes material things and can and should be shallowly satisfied with them, would accept it. would have to accept it. would be able to accept it. etc etc. IT'S ABOUT. power imbalance via social status, and role reversal, and accepting nonromance as your life. it really is like kaeya deserves to be nurtured and loved and cared for and is Not going to be receiving that and jean who also deserves those things will also not be receiving that.

again the whole point of her standing straight is that she can give him her acknowledgement as Mondstadt's Grandmaster, as the head of the knights, etc etc, she can accept him on behalf of mondstadt, yes, but she can't do it personally. and it's because of her kindness that she offers him this chance. it's because he's a child of mondstadt that this happens. if it was because he was kaeya, she would've held him. YOU KNOW HOW IT ISSS. also the point of "He is her best knight. Of all the lions, and all the wolves, and all the falcons in their long history, she would want him still. She loves him most. She picks him out, against all the better hunters, all the birds with more fire, all the softer animals. She would do it again." is that these are just words. she means them, yes, but that's the brunt of what she can offer. words. knightly courtesy. not the Real True Worldshaking Love. not a soft touch, not love. not like that. YOU KNOWWW.

and the whole point is that he can't ask her for that affection, and he can't ask her to take it back, and he can't ask her to defend him again. he can only stand stiff and accept it. THE LIFE OF BEING AN ORPHAN AND ACCEPTING THE HANDOUTS OF LOVE YOU'RE GIVEN. he also can't thank her for it because it gives him away... you know how it is...

what's my last point here... ahhhh... "his finely shaped nose,"/"it can also be beautiful." ... a lot of his fic is also just about how jean looks at kaeya. that she loves him sure, but she also loves the way he looks. something about the worth of girls/ladies being their looks. youuuu knowwwwww... guys who are ornamental birds who will become ornamental wives.... no one bring race into this. I will acknowledge that jean being white and kaeya being brown makes this aspect weird and not exactly feminist, however, racism doesn't exist like that In Genshin Impact AFAIK. like it exists in the building and making of the game/characters but not In Universe. and I'm only thinking about it In Universe. also I'm brown girl writing this. so it's not a crime against brown men, it's actually just MY RIGHTS.

anyway. line by line breakdowns.
“Kaeya,” as always, Jean says his name with softness. - very important that his name is always soft on her mouth.

In all his grace and elegance, the bird feather and swan posture - kaeya lady... it's about how he's very aware of how he looks/carries himself yk.

He is her best knight. Of all the lions, and all the wolves, and all the falcons in their long history, she would want him still. - Lion and Wolf are both titles granted within the knights, the Falcon is what Vannessa was and is the symbolic animal of the KoF. this was to imply that he isn't a lion nor a wolf nor a falcon. though, wolf-knight kaeya is prettyyy popular and also is not bad LOL just not the hc for this fic imo. also just generally, none of these would be my pick for kaeya anyway.

She picks him out, against all the better hunters, all the birds with more fire, all the softer animals. - 'birds with more fire' = diluc, 'softer animals' = amber [bunny] THIS ONE IS REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT BTW, 'better hunters' = generally anyoneee... I guess most importantly Eula. 'better hunter' btw is just that jean/diluc/varka are all predator-coded, as are the titles within the knights [wolf, falcon, lion], and kaeya is An Ornamental Bird. just think about that will you. diluc, btw is coded as three different birds of prey. just thinkkkkkk about that.

also specifically with regards to narration, jean allows herself to think of kaeya in a very gratuitous way, but the whole point of that is how it contrasts with what extent of that is conveyed in their interactions. and the answer is: not much more than it is with anyone else! and THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT!!!! OF KAEJEANNNNNNNNNNNNN. OF JEAN HERSELF. OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE LIONFANG, FAIR PROTECTOR OF MONDSTADT. just in case that was like. actually not that clear LOL.

do irls know about the fic
I send SIB my wips pretty often... people know that I write kind of maybe but not much else LOL.
I actually think I might let my mom read kaejean if I ever finish it but also I don't knowww.

overused phrases in fic
I love 'the thing is' I love it so bad. it really is like 'the thing is...'

I repeat dialogue tags a lot...but I feel like they're just really useful and also would just be repeated. I think other people have better ways to convey the emotion accompanying what's being said, but I prefer the sparseness? of short direct dialogue tags. 'he says faintly', 'she says, voice quiet.', 'he frowns', etc etc. I think gives away Just Enough about what the character is feeling, without revealing all their cards yk.
also I know everyone uses '(...) says' but recently I have just been soooo obsessed with '(...) says' like.. Oh my god... Yeah, Yeah. (...) SAYS. I just think it's so simple but so poignant almost. I do like it better than said LOL.

I think...pretty noticeably, I always tend to describe >the line of their mouth< as my go-to facial feature/expression tagger. line of mouth/line of shoulder/line of neck. etc etc.

why do I write
I like it? I think it's satisfying? I don't know. I actually don't think I enjoy the process of writing and I don't think it's very satisfying I don't like to be complimented on it but I don't want my effort to go unacknowledged.
I think, it's just my preferred medium to convey my thoughts, so it's what I come back to. I write when I have something to write, and I don't write when I don't have anything to write. very often I forget that I have things to write.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Location: room

haven't done this in a while.

pulls

standard: skyward blade, qiqi, sacrificial greatsword
event wish: bennett, sucrose, sacrificial greatsword, favonious greatsword, sara
>I got qiqi in 7 pulls. THAT COULDVE BEEN JEAN C1. THAT COULD'VE BEEN JEAN'S AQUILA FAVONIA. >.>
>on raiden banner, I got benny c4 and FINALLY A SUCROSE!!! and also I now finally own a fav greatsword. I GUESS I'll take it. when they put jade cutter on a weapon banner and I have all fav weapons r5. sucrose by far the best pull out of these, however this means I'm back in vv domain everyday farming.
>also sac. greatsword keeps haunting me. pulled it twice. once on standard once on event. how do I have an r4 sac. greatsword. NO ONE USES THIS WEAPON? anyway mostly I should be greatful that I have not yet pulled a c8 xiangling.
>SARA achieved <3 the REASON I was pulling on this banner in the first place. honestly I do want raiden kind of maybe. but I like kokomi's namecard more LOL. and if I lose the 50/50 on kokomi.... PLEASE PLEASE.. JEAN C1. I'm literally the player in question who needs to pull for a main dps but only pulls for unnecessary 5* supports. it's OK tho!!! why? I only quick swap<333
>Kokomi does look Terrible on paper. but u know what looks GREAT? her namecard. yes I'm pulling for a namecard. dare I say, the Best Namecard. tho her banner sucks. rosa c2 might be nice if I ever build rosa [not looking too promising]. benny c5 sure. I guess. I'll take it. I forget who is the last 4* but surely not someone I want</3 but like, I'm *this* close to kazu namecard so what's even the pointttttt I can't have BOTH as my backdrop.
>all the characters I've wanted since kazu are all 4*. I still want sayu. I wanted and have achieved a sara, and I want THOMA. I haven't wanted any 5* Bad Down Bad Bad since kazu and I don't care about any reruns so I'm just wishing on anything. I feel like I should've pulled for yomiya but all my funds went into um.... losing a 35-35-35 and getting skyward spine -.-
>actually, because I have been playing ganyu on the event... I want ganyu. idk I like charged attack playstyle... she has good 4* weapon options. etc. she's rumoured to be a rerun but....?
>if not... welllll, I have pity on the weapon banner. and what I Really Want, is a 5* sword for jean. but like also, the 5* sword that I truly want for her is aquila favonia...which TO ME is her SIGNATURE WEAPON... TO ME. look at this line 'The soul of the Knights of Favonius. Millennia later, it still calls on the winds of swift justice to vanquish all evil—just like the last heroine who wielded it.' AND JEAN WILL BE THE NEXT HEROINE. yes I'm still a jean_main, jean_lover, jean_appreciator, jean_LOVELIEST_OF_WORLD, jean_FAVOURITE_CHARACTER_BEST_CHARACTER_TOP_CHARACTER, etc etc etc. I have been brief. I could go on. literally the thing that I missed most when I picked up the game again was truly just JEAN. my darling knight who is everything to meeeee.
>also I realized that with bennett buff + lr passive, my jean can hit the numbers that tuonto's regular jean can hit... and his 'regular' jean is cracked so I'm just saying. when I funnel even more resources into her>>>> yes to me this game is about maxing out my favourite character.
>semi related but I did pull an r2 stringless while wishing for mistcutter...I just don't want to raise another weapon T-T which sucks btw cuz stringless is BiS for both venti and fish.... also windblume ode is limited so I don't want to sacrifice it.....
>yanfei has r2 widsith btw LOL. and she's still bad. LIFE!

abyss

anyway. spiral abyss. -.- PYRO HYPOSTASIS IS STILL KICKING MY ASS... however LR kaeya is hitting 20k Es on it...so Who is winning? Me. Soon. maybe. will update with further testing. I died floor12 last time. IIIIIIIII...will work harder this time. maindps yanfei[c1] is...well it's Main DPS yanfei[c1]...yes c1 is nice yes yanfei still has nothing goin for her truly unfortunately.. her best performance is with like... kazu and benny.... -.- those are JEAN's teammates.
anyway they literally fixed the enemy weight distributions so actually floor12 should be easy as fuck now. maybe not the maguu kenki but that just requires playing well plus I have diona on that side. I think. I actually haven't decided team comps yet LOL.
I did try playing national w kazuha ... unfortunately it takes more practice than I can dedicate time to rn lmfaooo...but I have sucrose now and SUCROSE is better than kazu in national so .... aaaaahhhhhhh....
update: floor 12 is kicking my ass also -.-
>also I do like have... decent enough artifacts that everyone can be fitted out to have 55/120 crcd ratios...don't look at their pitiful attack numbers tho LOL

2.2

>before anything else... inazuma has my favourite world quests. the LORE. the FLAVOUR. the THEMES>>> my favourite so far is definitely still chouji's ['Gazing Three Thousand Miles Away]. the war-torn nationisms... the rich history... the will of each npc... MAN. they've all been bangers.
>another banger? the titles for the archon quest. like they went so hard for this chapter and it was so good. act 1 and 2 were whatever, but act 3, to ME, was so fucking good. yes yae miko carried it on her back and her back alone but STILL. I also thought I would hate the ei/shogun reveal but actually it was instead just very very meaningful because I am sucker for >Shadow Becomes You< I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE VALUE THEIR SHADOWS MORE THAN THEMSELF... literally SO TRUE.
>yes my favourite moment was when the masterless vision came back to life.... 'There will always be those who dare to brave the lightning's glow' ... THERES JUST NO WORDS... the miniscule detail of his maple leaf motif in the electro attack.... [howling] IT'S JUST SO POETIC AND POTENT AND MEANINGFUL AND IMPACTFUL AND EMOTIONAL. TO ME. followed by the shot of their two visions pulsing together... literally literally.
>I will not read into it any more than this but makoto and ei being a duo and now ei moves forward alone in pursuit of her memory and kazuha, who too lost his friend, who is also moving forward alone in pursuit of his memory... Like You Know? not to make everything about Narrative Foils... but it's literally that. the mirroring in that face-off... also I guess traveler looking for their sibling but I don't give a shit about traveler.
>yes kazuha is on the jean-tier of favourite characters...
>anyway, inazuma has not missed a single time TO ME. actually it missed with ayaka but that's fine. I don't care her.

shipping

>can you believe they have a mini world quest where girls who like girls who are lesbians who like girls who like other girls like girls... sorry I'm still so shocked by it even now. also it's literally MY FAVOURITE GL ARCHETYPE? >flashy extrovert who's a weirdo SCHOLAR< and >serious and reserved quiet girl< I think I was literally talking about this the other day...but seriously...literally.... kumi and anisa my favourite npcs for real real real real real... I was so shocked and amazed and surprised and honestly am still all of that.
>like I understand yomiya's story quest also had heavily implied gay bitches but they didn't slap the way ANISA and KUMI do!!!! the endless appeal of letting a weirdo board at your house and take up space in your quiet existence on a small fishing island... literally literallyyyyy.

yomiya/kazuha
yomiya/kazuha real. btw. to me. To Me. yomiya's vl about kazu...."People with no worries like myself speak plainly, while those with many cares often speak of ancient poetry or the scenery. They talk of flowers and birds, wind and moon, but never about the reality that confronts them. He's got quite the tale to tell, I'm sure." literalllyyy...
>also their complimentary colour schemes... yomiya's >because fireworks are so fleeting, they are valuable<; kazuha's >appreciate the beauty of every moment< it's about...not letting life pass you by you knowww. because the pursuit of eternity means stasis, it's all the more important to appreciate the transience of things... being the same at heart but not the same at all at all you knowww. idk it's not about romance it's about Mutual Understanding.
>I will tinhet anything sorry not sorry. but legit YOMIYA'S VL ... the way she just saw through him so quickly... licherally licherally...also the way his vcs about everyone else share some insight to their character but when it comes to her... it's just 'fireworks!' .... I WILL READ INTO ANYTHING FOR TINHETISM.

kokomi/gorou
>I also Do Not Like, absolutely NOTP gorou/kazuha. first of all, kokomi literally exists. secondly. DOG AND LADY? IN MY GENSHIN IMPACT? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINKKKKKKK. the way they parallel sara/raiden.... those are the Words. THE WAY SARA ALSO LITERALLY SAYS SO.... screaming crying shaking sobbing...

sara
>the way liyue has ning/keqing/ganyu cuckhold ... and inazuma has DOGGIRL MANIPULATION. I guess she is actually a crowgirl but like. tengugirl SERIOUSLY. the sequence of events that's like >sara falls bait to kokomi (...) >sara falls bait to yae miko (...) >sara falls bait to la signora (...) >sara falls bait to all these things due to her dedication to the Raiden Shogun< ... there's just NOOOOO WORDS. especially the whole yae miko thing. when you're a subservient subordinate [who is an ORPHAN] to all these much more powerful and influential figures and they are just tugging you along like a puppet on string and You Are Not Understanding. it's all so sexy and crazy and holyyyy shiiit. the power imbalance. the power dynamics. the LADY/GENERAL/MASTER and DOGGGGGG of it all.
>also she falls into my favourite archetype of serious and reserved black haired girl who is also A DOG. girls who are DOGS>>>>>>>>>>>>> hopefully fandom at large will understand she is and has been socially bottoming her whole life but idk u can literally never trust fandom.
>also. the way baal just lets her DIE. and also how kokomi is ready to kill her. and also how yae miko is also willing to let her die. it's all Everything TO MEEEEEEEEEE. when your life and honour will be on the line for all of these figures in a heartbeat but to them you are Disposable. EXACTLYYYYYY. gaslight masterfully manipulated loyal to the point of stupidity doggirls> ... IT'S JUST SO GOOD. sorry I love mistreatment and erasure of loyal dogs it's the best trope.

thoma/ayaka
>sorry he's her HOUSEKEEPER? he runs her HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS? I love good role reversal with no actual reversal. also they are cute :) I love classic lady/retainer dynamics... LIKE FOR REAL. I just think it's bad when the retainer in question is like 'bodyguard' no the retainer in question should simply bc LOYAL FAITHFUL SERVANT WHO DOES EVERYTHING. aka thoma :)

other
okay also like generally... I think esp in genshin, when people have male faves, they communicate that by having their fave bottom in a ship with whatever male character they are closest to ... which I think is horrible and wrong and when I do it I don't even do it like that. when I have a fave in genshin I communicate it by shipping them in a vaguely unreciprocated[on both sides], romantically repressed, deeply unsaid relationship. like kaejean! xiaoven! almona [who don't count technically because they have sex]! and now.... kazumiya!

anyway I bring this point out because the bottomification of kazuha is killing me. it's literally killing me. WHY CAN'T A GUY BE A WANDERING SAMURAI WITH A DEAD FRIEND IN PEACE? first of all, kazuha is in the fuji tier of 0.6s/0.7s [effeminate(positive) guys who top]. secondly kazu/dead friend was CLEARLY unsaid and meant to be communicated at a later moment that never came, yet the understanding was reached anyway when his vision awoke ... okay seriously, "There will always be those who dare to brave the lightning's glow" was so fucking raw... especially in the after-scene where kazu finally places the vision at his grave... T-T god...

also this happens with diluc [fuck diluc]. who is literally so disgusting and horrible I don't understand. and it happens with KAEYA... NOOO... literally if I had the power to thanos snap, I would be 1 second away At All Times from erasing every non-kaejeanist in genshin. NONE OF KAEYA'S SHIPS FUCK THE WAY KAEJEAN DOES!!! NONE OF THEM!!! seriously firstly I will be killing all Kaebedoists because they don't understand either character. secondly the kaeluc/luckaeists have to go. they have to go. no matter which way you turn it's just horrible kaeya takes. like I understand the appeal yeah but No also. and why is it a No? because diluc/kaeya exists to make jean/kaeya better. it's just the truth. open your eyes. WHEN THE UNIVERSE UNDERSTANDS. also kaejean btw is about Jean being A Knight. it's true. no other jean ship really encapsulates that the way kaejean does.

also technically, the only time I have woobified my fave is xiao but honestly. first of all he IS 0. no one in the world gets him at all. him being emo and growly and edgy and lonerfying himself are all classic uke traits? I don't understand. what doesn't click? he is NOT a bad boy. he is a cat.
deeply unfortunate but literally only zhongxiao shippers understand xiao. [no one likes that. zhongxiao is simply not good because zhongli sucks]. secondly xv doesn't work like that. [venti mischaracterization and erasure x10000!]. third, childexiao IS actually his best ship because everything is about mistreatment and erasure of servants who are loyal to their archons to a point of weakness [he and sara would not get along because recognition of urself thru the other is uncomfortable]. also why miko/sara is a good ship and I will be tuning in.

faves.

jean
KNIGHT OF THE WORLD. AND UNIVERSE. the way mondstadt will always be my favourite area even though every other area is wayyyy better is because ORDO FAVONIOUS. it's just true. KoF has me in a chokehold and I will not be attempting to extract myself in any way. the cast. the cast is so good and the complexes are so good and it's all tied together via COWORKERISM. but most of all. JEAN. because KoF is about JEAN. TO ME.
girls who are SERIOUS and RESERVED and EARNEST with all their heart!!!!! her loyalty! her unyielding kindness! her dedication! jean jean jean jeannnnnn...

kazuha
:') literally is fuji_tier of boys in my heart... it's truuueee. girlish boys >>> also I do love the contradiction of soft-spoken<>weird and crazy. as in like, thinks it's completely reasonable to kill a dude point-blank, but is saying something very poetic and gentle about the world also in the same moment. ??? there are things wrong with you For Sure.

raiden shogun
I thought she was just going to be character who is pretty to look at and not much else [eula tier] but her backstory and story got me soooo bad. CHARACTERS WHO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR THEIR IDEALS >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> throwing your entire nation into turmoil because you're blinded by your pursuit of eternity like YEAH. YEAH. especially because that eternity hinges on her sister of whom she was the shadow of... it's SO TRUE!!! I love it all..

yae miko
she's just hot. she's just super hot. I have nothing to say. also I love girls who are manipulators and evil and also kind of lazy... her slay on every level. also girls who fake their entire career and personality. also girls who betray everyone and sacrifice other people to fulfill their goals. it's all so good on every level.

scaramouche
I thought he was just a womanhating man, but he's actually a genderless doll? now that fucks. now THAT is the harbringer backstory I wanted. the potential..........................................................seriously I love fucked up backstory and boy does he have one <3 <3 <3 I still don't know if I like him but he is back on thin ice... when he apologizes to mona and also all scaramonas become almonas >>>>>>

anyway inazuma... GREAT region great lore great everything. endless material. FOR ME. ALSO my uid is 622066221!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: crickets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYw6-1znJ8o
WHY DOES PAINTER OF THE NIGHT HAVE AN OST? I'm conflicted because this singer slays... miss yeeun ahn...
it's literally one thing that some white guy made an hour long video essay of 'the sadism of class' [kind of have been meaning/wanting to watch] but what's thissssssss T-T

NO ONE IS OUT THERE WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT MOTHERS!!!!

Current Mood: cranky

honestly I feel like I'm in some kind of hell because my mind is simply just replying olivia rodigro's crooning parts in deja vu and it's like. god please. not this. anyway I've been reading some books, except I'm not capable of writing out my thoughts on them
some cuts. I'm not sure they make any sense out of context. sorry if they seem to have a recurring theme.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee

Etsuko stood there, believing that if she could just listen and suffer, then maybe her daughter could be saved.

“I am terrible. Soo desu. Forgive me, Hana. Anything but this.”

Hana dropped her large tote bag from her shoulder, and the two wine bottles wrapped in a towel made a muffled clinking sound on the pavement. She wept openly, her arms hanging by her side, and Etsuko knelt on the ground and held her daughter’s knees, refusing to let her go.

Celestial Bodies - Jokha Alharthi (trans. Marilyn Booth)

I remembered her mother's wailing. He beats her? She said he beats her? The peasant's son beats my daughter, mine? And what kind of man beats his wife? In all of al-Awafi I have never heard of anyone beating his wife except for that old drunk Furayh. He used to come home soused and throw up on her, and then he would start hitting her. And so this educated 'dokhtoor' - as he calls himself, hah - is just another version of Furayh the drunk? He beats her? The peasant's son beats my girl? No one ever put his hand on me and no one put his hand on my mother or my sisters, and now this dog comes and beats my little girl? What a scandal we must look amongst all the tribes, every clan, our own, out in the open. The man our daughter is already legally married to, even if, thank the Lord, they haven't moved in together, and Furayh the drunk - they're cut from the same cloth? By God, if only he had never set eyes on her! By God, he's divorcing her today and he'd better do it fast.

I also read: Kafka on the Shore, Annals of the Western Shore, Emma, some of Genji.

Current Mood: pensive

all complaints to lin plz.

NOTE: all of this mostly only(?) goes for guys. in terms of girls. I am actually a huge fan of serious, reserved girls bottoming and girly, flashy, baby ones topping. cuz it's so sexy and also I'm the girly flashy baby one in question so I would like to myself represented ideally. also I'm just generally a fan of flashy tops.

if we're going to be talking about what in my brain makes me enjoy someone as a 1/0. it's ummm. The Same Things Really. actually maybe not. but BASICALLY THE SAME REALLY. I think some people care about D/s as deciding for t/b, and I don't. and also I prefer there to not be D/s, I just want D no s. like D, as in Desperation, and also D, as in Domination. why would there be submission wtf.

we have to do this case study style because I don't actually, like have leftright criteria like ash does. but if I did, it'd be like >guy who has it/is worse Tops< (??what does that mean? it's situational.) anyway, I feel like the place to start, is examination of perfect 0.5 of world [TO ME].

KIRIHARA AKAYA [0.5]

not only am I kiri 3pick, but I'm Allkiri/kiriAll enthusiast. I'll think about him with anyone in tennis who breathes near him. I don't care. kiri to me is literally Most Perfect of World in every way.

I have to note here that kiri is a 1 not because he's domineering and sexy [preferred top traits], but because he is pushy and shortsighted. which is still perfect and lovely and sexy(?) and wonderful TO ME. <<<kirihara love lens effect. like I said I have so much love in my heart for kiri that he CAN have 1 rights from me!!!! two way appeal of boyish boy meaning 0 but boyish boy also meaning 1.

perfect 0 traits

>MASOCHIST
>GUY WHO ENJOYS MISTREATMENT AND ERASURE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> so TRUE!!!!
>messy appearance. he literally hits everything I like on the surface of a 0.... messy black hair, [presumably] guy who dresses messy...
>JOCK
>ASSHOLE
>BOY
>guys who would rather injure themselves violently to the brink of death than think about emotions >>> this one is actually this specific. it's very important to me that 0s would rather die for someone many times, than think about why they're dying for someone like this.
>BRAT
>heart on the line
>DESPARATE (for love)
>one degree away from cat-like
>FANGS
>DELINQUENT [passing]. kiri is unfortunately only delinquent-passing. but that's enough FOR MEEEE.
>truly earnest underneath all that
>DOG

perfect 1 traits

>MAIDEN. literally unfollow me Right Now if u don't think maidenism is a 1 trait. kill yourself. you don't deserve my lady/maiden/girl knowledge/lens/school of thought. you will literally never understand it EVER.
>sadist ... technically not as much as he is truly a M, but what matters is that He Thinks He Likes It.
>power high. again like, Not Really, but again, He Thinks He Likes it. and that's why he can top <3
>guys who would cry during sex <3 this is actually a subset of maidenism but I wanted to point it out which is why I included it here
>asshole but NOT REALLY ACTUALLY...
>guys who suck at emotional communication >>>
>BRAT
>ARROGANT
>PATHETIC
>DESPARATE (just generally)
>PUPPY
>FANGS
>one degree away from cat-like

I hope that explained Just So Much.

if not.. other couples that were handmade for me:

well... my leftright thesis is pretty much just: 1s>0 and 0s>1s. my perfect 0 of world is lee yohan from payback, who's the sexiest motherfucker in the world, and my perfect 1 of world is seo yoonseul from the third ending. hopefully that covered everything kiri did not manage to cover<333 also I feel like these two are the perfect example of reverse>reverse. which is the concept that in any other story/pairing they'd be the reverse position, which IS the basis for 1s>0s and 0s>1s.

gin & rum from H&H Roman company
they are the reverse>reverse in question. no for real my first read through I was like 'oh so the twist is that Gin is actually the 0 when they fuck'. also are CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS TO COWORKERS TO LOVERS IN AN OFFICE. really fucked up in my opinion that nevermind being the main couple and also face of the webtoon they are actually not the main couple and get the least screentime. there's no words. anyway perfect dynamix TO MEEE. idiot sexy puppy top + serious level-headed brunnette ... some of us ENJOY serious characters especially serious 0s. the problem with that is literally just people think that serious==neurotic when they should just open their eyes and realize serious==conscientious AND/OR serious==EARNEST. anyway.

Glasses Cloth and Playlist
first of all, GWAK JONGPILLLLLL... legend writer artist author of world TO ME. cat-like-but-actually-a-snakeboy 1. that's the appeal. na jaemin archetype. I just recommend this as a BL lolol. as love 1s who are internally extremely desperate and feminine and outwardly -.-

rojiura pussycat
cw rape, attempted rape
okay I can't explain this one. but I can TRY. I'm at the point of media literacy where I read something and I think of the potential rather than actuality.
on the surface, this is a pretty mediocre story, but examining it closer, it's really delicious as a wolf eats boy thing. as in like, super dicey sleazy older guy preys on a younger high schooler who is too young and too dumb to know better. which is never really delved into because it's pretty tame. also, I don't like delinquent x honour student because it's so bad and not harmonious to my preferences but this is literally the ideal form of it. TO ME. which is why it can have a spot on this list because it can be sexy and this is how it IS sexy.

eunsuk & junggu
john is literally a believer in 1s should be 0s/0s should be 1s theory. MY ICON. I actually don't have anything else to say. eunsuk is perfect 1 to me because (a) Feminine, (b) default bottom, (c) DESPARATE. literally going to have to come out as a josou-seme liker at some point, but not today!

*long notes ver

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: olivia rodrigo

unfortunately I have come to a realization. which I should've seen coming the day I was like 'oh fuji is akechi but tennis' but like, I was like 'I won't care about fuji' and then I mean...to be fair, I also didn't think I'd care about akechi or yuki either. you have to think about it like this: feminine guys written by men are better than feminine guys written by women/gay people. I can't believe I would ever say that but it's kinda true.

the face of the matter is that if you made a triangle out of AKECHI*, FUJI, YUKIMURA >it would be like these people are almost the same thing but all are different sides of the same thing. and if that, TO YOU, is not beautiful I cannot help you. note this will probably be terrible misreadings of each character to fulfill propogandic metrics.
*I have to note here that akechi is not my p5 1pick, it is HARU [me, girl who is extremely susceptible to propaganda]

this topic came about because I was telling sib about fuji while we were on the matter of Akechi, and sib was like 'do you just like feminine boys topping?' and like, YES, it's kind of about that, but it's Not. it's actually about how all three of them are actually 0.7-0.8 and they'd all be relatively 'Ok' with bottoming but it would kill them in different ways inside. maybe not yuki much but that's because no one in the world would make yuki bottom unless yuki himself forced himself to bottom. in which case IT WOULD kill him on the inside. list of guys who all have to unlock bottoming but still would never do it willingly.
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Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: herm8281 today we achieve our dreams / acn runs! | ;artsfest ;subgoal

I need this stray kids album NOWWWWWW... I just heard some random song sampler and the phobia 2.0 sound..... SKZZZZZ

Current Mood: distressed

I love to decide my opinions on things.
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Current Music: Godhome Ending Item Randomizer - Part 3

if someone doesn't pick up kogarete kogashite rn .... i'm shaking.... noji-sensei....................also just looked at their twitter and they slay.... https://twitter.com/noji_pen/status/1422527938797309956 ....ladies who are self-aware WITH the correct taste ...... <3

I was telling lin the other day, that when I have a het ship, in my mind they literally never kiss or touch sexually ever. and that's the Peak of romance. TO ME. and then she laughed at me. how is it my fault my ideal romance is two people who only touch hands like once and for the other 100% of the time make brief eye contact.

anyway, that led to some reflection. I don't think I understand what a romantic relationship is. anyway some of my top ships from the past few months. sorry if I sound crazed but writing this out is making me realize how batshit I truly am.

atotez

warning: this whole section is just [insane people things to say]
APPEAL: this is a het ship. how can two boys be a het ship? THEY CAN. atobe is a girl and if you don't get it u don't get it.

APPEAL: the most unhappy toxic het ship you will ever ship in your whole life. you know how in like gone girl, she commits murder and pins it on him and then they have to get back together to clear their names. it's literally like that. when you marry a boy because he is the best tennis player in the world and you need to own all the best tennis players in the world. and you think it's true love, because to you, possession is love.

APPEAL: how can a ship that is TWO BOYS be so steeped with all the complexes that comes with toxic girlboss branded feminism? ATOBE IS A GIRL. before you try to think, or perhaps not think, just think. atobe literally being born into so much privilege that she doesn't understand how the patriarchy affects her because it doesn't, but at the same time, it still literally does! girls who are stuck in a box!!! which is why she doesn't own a strap and she and tez will never be 'happy' at any level because it's literally just about Appearances and Love, is technically A Tennis Contract. literally don't ask me how I got all this out of ATOBE, but I did <3

yukiaka

APPEAL: lady and dog

APPEAL: narrative foils to narrative parallels to narrative reflections. I really am just saying words, but it's not about their actual relationship as much as it is what they see in each other and what they mean to each other and how all of that is unsaid and sparsely communicated and culminates to THE YUKIAKA CHAPTER. if youre a ykakist you know which one it is.

APPEAL: these people are not kissing or having sex though like I wouldn't mind. the VISION and THE APPEAL is that yuki is kiri's unreachable dream. like it is so important and romantic because it is tragic first love!!! you didn't realize you Loved him at the time! being so caught up in beating him/filling his shoes/etc etc that you never realized WHY you were chasing after him!!! if kissing happens, then it's very much like a single kiss out of pity, or Promise. not actually out of Love/Attraction but like, older figure is relenting. does anyone knowww this trope.

APPEAL: when it's TRUE LOVE because he's the one you entrust with your dream [beating tennis without tenimuho] but it's not true love because it's just not.

APPEAL: kiri thinks yuki is a girl. does not realize he is the maiden of the dynamic.

fujikiri

note: this isn't even like, a true tennis ship of mine. however, it just is one I think about A Fair Amount.

APPEAL: that manga cap of fuji damsel holding kiri.

APPEAL: [insane people things to say] the way fuji would let kiri fuck him and be dead fish pillow princess about it because he's just waiting for it to end, just so kiri stops being annoying about it, and then later, because kiri is annoying and teenage boy about it and telling everyone he fucked fuji, fuji fucks him just so kiri realizes he wasn't being serious that time and also isn't into kiri, and that's when it gets bad for kiri For Real. what can I say I'm an Allkiri/kiriAll enjoyer. and fujikiri is literally the Best place to indulge in it.

APPEAL: MISTREATMENT AND ERASURE CAN BE SO PERSONAL ACTUALLY... fuji who does not care at all about kiri and treats him with neutral politeness and takes some degree of responsibility for him due to room201 bond, however not only is kiri so stupid and also fuji so princely, but obviously kiri is not understanding of the neutral face of politeness and it's. you see how this plays out. SOMETIMES A DUDE BLINDS U AND PRINCESSES CARRIES YOU AND ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE BAREST DEGREE AND YOU SWOON... what can I say kiri is simply a mistreatment and gaslighting enjoyer! guys who are mean to you but are nice to you but are mean to you >>>

APPEAL: something something they are parallels of some sort surely. and also the deliciousness of settling for second place. and never being good enough to catch up to the person u seek. etc etc.

iantheharrow

APPEAL: NARRATIVE PARALLELS AND FOILS >>>>>>> also I am notorious ianthe 1pick. so obviously I want IANTHE, who has been denied it all, to HAVE all that she wants.

APPEAL: toxic love[less] marriage that will not end in divorce even though it should because one of you is the toxic abuser in question and the other believes that she deserves to suffer.... TASTE!!! TASTE!!! FLAVOUR!!! bitches will say they want true toxic relationships and true toxic love and then ship harrowgideon. IT WILL NEVER EVER BE HARROWIANTHE!!!!

APPEAL: when you are both deeply pathetic and horrible people and all your imperfections and flaws are reflected and exaggerated in the other and IANTHE STILL WINS. idc idc that tiktok about how marriage is about winning and the whole point of harrowianthe is that Ianthe is the superior one, that her life sucks and all but harrow's sucks worse, and also Ianthe will get everything she wants even if she will not be happy because it is impossible for someone as horrible and miserable as her to be happy. WHICH IS WHYYYYYYY she wins because no matter how horrible and miserable she is, harrow is more horrible and more miserable <3333

APPEAL: okay honestly they probably do have some really terrible hatesex but the whole point is that it's TERRIBLE because they're like. the same brand of deeply virgin extreme loser repressed scholar who has never felt the touch of a woman.

APPEAL: DIVORCEES. who are not actually divorced<3. the loveless marriageisms again, except we return to the point LOVE IS POSSESSION WHICH IS NOT LOVE AT ALL.

getogojo

APPEAL: ON THE TOPIC OF DIVORCE...

APPEAL: I think I would've never gotten this off on it if it wasn't about the TRAGEDY!!! something something you think you are someone's first and they are your first and You Both give each other up.

APPEAL: they can't touch romantically because one of them is DEAD. this whole list is like Ok damn some of us are Abstinence Fucker 100000. honestly there is something so romantic about never touching any person ever because you've devoted your whole life to one person and you guys don't even touch that much to be honest. or you know that person is dead.

APPEAL: love being moral failure <3

kaejean

APPEAL: Narrative-------- [the crowd is mouthing along the next words at this point which is making it hard for op not to feel embarrassed]

APPEAL: People who are In Love but Not In Love but In Love. loveless marriage 2.0 except the lack of love is not about simmering hatred or internal complexes, but self-imposed distance on both sides<3 the coworkerisms of it all. people you know better than yourself but only because both of you are like so dedicated to the same thing, rather than to each other.

APPEAL: the way it's like kaeya is devoted to jean, but jean is devoted to mond AGAINST jean being more fond of kaeya personally, while kaeya holds her at a distance and a much less personal light. idk how to explain this point. work-life balance but twisted and sick.

APPEAL: people who never ever touch because they're both repressed and if they do touch it's either very knightly or very coworkery. WHEN YOU ARE THE LADY AND SHE IS THE KNIGHT AND YOU ARE THE KNIGHT AND SHE IS THE LADY. crazyyyyy

trying to think of couples who actually do touch and the outliers are. almona. um. ummmm. I have to explain that it's not that I don't think of my ships having sex, it's that I think about them Not Having Sex. like I will truly be like 'and the Absolutely Nothing Happens.' and that's it. well I guess kirifuji have sex but that's like just twice. I completely forgot to mention dr but I'm so sick of writing this post already and also I think I make it obvious what drives dr for me. in um. every other post.

anyway damn it really is true that sometimes u don't care about the relationship you just care about how it reflects on each half's character and arcs....bitches who are only into shipping for THEMATIC IMPLICATIONS and NARRATIVE PURPOSES and PERSONAL COMPLEXES... you cannot go anywhere with me.

Current Mood: horny
Current Location: mom's basement (REAL, NOT CLICKBAIT) (my mom's name is on the mortgage)

IF YOU ALREADY HATE ME AND MY OPINIONS YOU ALREADY HATE ME AND MY OPINIONS. IF YOU ALREADY DISAGREE WITH ME AND MY OPINIONS YOU ALREADY DISAGREE WITH ME AND MY OPINIONS.

I was going to write out my 0-1 ranking, but it was making me so mad because all it would do is have people disagree with me, and I feel as though I simply don't have to explain my thoughts because I know them. and also, I just don't really care that much. so in much shorter form.

wow so interesting!

0
- mark: MARKRIGHT NOSWITCH NOREVERSE! (1) tops should be sexy. (2) the thing where a guy thinks he's going to top but actually is the bottom, I'm sure there's a renta title for this somewhere, but that's the gist. also one time I said to sora something along the lines of 'actually mark's okay with bottoming cuz then it's not gay cuz he's the girl'. also just to be clear, I'm not a fan of >leader bottoms< so that in no way factors in.

0.6
- jeno: too top-passing to mark lower. also, I don't understand how no one factors in the considerations of 'does this guy know he can bottom?' like he is going to top by default so much because he just won't realize.

0.7
- renjun: how is it my fault that people think men who are short and then also men who are women can't top? it's not. he's very top-passing. doesn't matter how it actually plays out. yes some girls actually do prefer it when their faves top. yes some girls also um, only ship ships where they prefer the other half to top.

0.8
- chenle - like does it matter? guy who's actually a top, but will go with the flow.

1
- haechan: everything a 1 should be. TO ME.
- jaemin: the other half of everything a 1 should be. TO ME.

hope this was insightful :) plz enjoy this renjun gif as u try to quell your distaste. also, just. I Don't Care That Much. I was gonna argue way more for each case but I just don't care.

this post so short but it's okay. I just didn't want to be like >I'll write it< and then not write it. I think I'm going to write about my insane tastes in ships next.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: paint me naked - ten!!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOZyZiJ9n_8

the problem with my last post is that it was very negative... and I am, if nothing else, toxically optimistic. I suppose it doesn't seem like it because that post is still up, but mostly I wrote it out because I thought it'd be funny, and reading through it, it is really funny [To Me]. you can truly hate on anyone for anything!

I think I'll just talk about assorted dynamics I like/have been pondering over recently/etc. also, doesn't it just annoy you that I drop words like 'ponder' into sentences. I said something to someone earlier today and used 'detest' instead of 'don't like' and I know they had to ask me to repeat what I said because I used the word 'detest'. like for the love of god, how can someone talk like that. I'd call it pretentiousness, but it's like that's just what pops into my head so I say it. life.

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if you're offended by any of the items on this list, good! change for the better! it's a Red Flag for a reason. note that this list does not preclude that we wouldn't get along, but that, I would have to nod politely and refrain from commenting to keep the conversation mild and lukewarm. not that we wouldn't be friends or anything, just that you have a lot going against u that I will keep an open mind towards.

warning: Amounts of Uncensored Haterism

warning: some of these may seem personally targeted. because it does apply to you! and your takes and tastes just confirm the inherent incompatibility I feel. it's called a Red Flag for a reason.

I think lists like this come off...more offensive than my feelings actually are. I am inherently not a hateful person, if the criteria fits you, that doesn't mean I am shittalking you and every interaction we've ever had, or that I have no respect for u as a person. if all that doesn't make u feel better, I just mean. like I'm being very self-important writing this pre-note anyway, immediately assuming that my opinion will have some bearing on you. but I guess that's how things on the internet work. in any case. I can write u a personal apology.
not friend-locked because be free.

bts related

>liking bts jimin - there's this ao3 trend that I like to call 'jiminification' and that's where fans take one member and decide that they are the softbabyboy bottom cumdump cumslut communal hole clueless mistreated femininized uke of the group, and that Began my distaste of them [jimin fans], and then like, well he's aged very badly, and jiminfans insist that he hasn't, and then also insist that he has certain levels of talent that I also don't believe he has ... all in all, it's a bad look to me. in saying this, serendipity is one of my top songs ever probably. so jimin has that going for him. still doesn't excuse his fans!
>liking bts suga/yoongi - it was the jim jones sampling. I think I understand being a 'regular' fan after that, but I don't understand keeping the fawning at the same level of intensity. like how are you going to look at a picture of him and gooo awwww cutie babie... without feeling just a Little disillusioned about it. also he's like. Ancient. Decrepit. and neither he, nor his fans, act so.

it's specifically fans of these two members that are highly intolerable, and personally, like I think all their fans are Insane [derogatory].
I think every other bts member is tolerable. like jk? he's the golden maknae, he's like typical fave material and was a very solid idol. taehyung? really hot. jin? the unpopular member. also like, adiba a6 jintherapper did so much image management for All Jin Fans that makes up for any other jin stan in the universe. rm? I like him. I think he's done a lot of image management that has worked really really well. also that thing he quoted about being korean even in new york after releasing dynamite is really really funny to me. jhope is cool, isn't he.

svt related

>liking mingyu svt - fuck this guy. I hate this guy.
>liking scoups svt - he is ugly.
>liking hoshi svt - shut the fuck up
>liking minghao svt - shut the fuck up [x300]. people are so annoying when they members they like are 'artistic' or whatever.
>having mingyu svt being your token svt member that you like - I understand having token svt members. but when it's mingyu it's so disgusting like I hate people that think he's sooo hot. he's not that hot. so just die. also if you have a token seventeen member, it should be joshua.
>having wonwoo svt being your token svt member that you like - like, you're one degree away from having junhui be your token svt member. at least I can't hate on that because it's so widespread.
>liking jeongcheol - why do you hate joshua?
>0 jeonghan
>gassing up non-joshua vocals - Just Die. who cares about how the members [not joshua] within vocal unit sing? they're fucking vocal unit like they're supposed to be vocals. who cares about how the members who aren't vocal unit sing? they're not vocal unit.

I have historically been a notorious joshua akgae. combined with svt having 13 members therefore Line Distribution. then combined with most of those 13 members being ugly.

nct-related

>taeyong fans who aren't funny should die. - I say 'who aren't funny' solely because of that tyongf who qrt'd that xj acc with 'pause and it will last as long as you want'
>taeyong fans who are Like That - see bts jimin point. taeyong also gets this rep within nct ao3.
>people who like or stan johnny/taeil/jungwoo/shotaro/sungchan/y*ta/xiaojun - these members are either ugly, irrelevant, or openly misogynist.
>johnten likers - have better fucking taste for god's sake. give it up to god. like everyone knows that is the greatest disservice on earth to ten, no matter what u perceive about ten's cards in that ship.
>127zens - this is so self-explanatory. I understand that if you're a hag, it'd be pretty weird to be into a group you are a 10 years older than. however. I will turn a blind eye for dream and dream only.

somehow, ten fans don't make this list, because actual ten fans aren't red flags. though I really do dislike how people who like ten more casually talk about him just cuz, some of us aren't a fan of everything about a certain idol being related back to how he fits x stereotypical standard of gayness. like it's just annoying. I just hate that everyone thinks their token stereotypical gay from their group is Kevin from the Boyz, but your token stereotypical gay of the group is Not Kevin TBZ.

dreamie related

>markhyuckists who don't get it
>people who like mark1, and then also think mark1
>norenists - why are you shipping renjun with jeno?
>norenminists - why is jeno here?
>people who like bottom jaemin - they are the reason why fandom and fandom culture and fic and fic culture is so shit now. like it'd be one thing if it were woke. but these people don't like it in a woke way. or for a woke reason. sometimes, things shouldn't be the way your preferences dictate. you shouldn't have everything. did you ever think about that?
>renjun fans like octoberrain - why did you cancel me? for liking renjun correctly? for understanding him? for being a dedicated Renjunfan? I should've been the one who was gatekeeping him.
>people who don't ship the correct renjun ships - ...I feel like...with Renjun it's pretty obvious who is an option and who is not. and if you need to make an option out of someone who Is Not, at least do it correctly.
>people who's dreamie token pick is not renjun and they don't even mention him aside other dreamie members - Ok Die? I evidently don't excuse many things, and this is Also another line I will draw.
>baby slut jeno thinkers - So-Called Free-Thinkers. idk don't u guys get tired of being horny and relating most-everything a guy does to how it could be connoted sexually.
>I'm tempted to say something like 'people who friendzone renhyuck' but do I have to. - this isn't even like, u don't like my ship, though it is. it's also. god you really think boy x boy ship should be a certain way and don't ever question why u think that.
>tempted to say something also like 'people who think jisung is sexy' because you're clearly of a pubescent age, and if you're not of a pubescent age... - my problem with this is just because. jisung is so maknae-coded, and has been so heavily maknae-coded, and like. it's just someone who has been highlighted as young, and a child for a very long time, and is still highlighted so, and if you're not a Little weirded out by that. idk. it's just worse if you've been a fan for a long time.

tbz

>liking the boyz chanhee wrong - it is very easy to like him correctly!
>how do u like every single tbz ship that is not NyuKyu? - willful blindness on account of twink4twink somehow doesn't count! legitimately saw someone the other day who had written every single 98z pairing except for nyukyu. Oh so it's like That.
>thinking eric is somehow... like... why do you, as a person who has the ability to think, like Eric like That? - eric is appropriating gay culture. there's like Nothing Else to it. how are you going to get gotten by fucking ERIC? acknowledging eric is one thing... thinking it is...
>liking bbangyu/nyubbang, thinking other nyu ships needs bbang in them somehow.... - someone thinks boy x boy has to follow a certain blueprint or else it doesn't count.
>liking hyunjae incorrectly. thinking incorrect things about hyunjae - he is not peggable, yes he is a bottom, no he would not bottom, yes his breasts are very large. please for the love of god, stop having sexual thoughts about this chaste virgin. he is none of those things but he is all of those things. can we leave him alone!

other groups

>if u like a ship and your preference is the guy who's shorter bottoms and the guy who's taller but prettier tops. - so called 'free-thinkers' ...
>liking txt yeonjun - this explains everything about someone's tastes. really.
>liking txt taehyun - I'm sorry you're picking a bias from a group and u choose the obvious ugly duckling who's only there because he 'sings' and even then hnk sings better. have standards or something LOL.
>liking wendy/irene rv - this is just the most obvious example of me knowing I do not have similar tastes to someone else and like not even in a way where we can get along.
>if u like a popular fandom ship I don't like or just can sense the vibes are wrong - as stated, I can just sense the vibes are wrong.
>not liking sakura izone - this one is legit just unexamined misogyny LOL. like everytime someone just doesn't like a female idol that popularly disliked, do u guys just ever stop to think 'wait, why don't we like this person?'
>people who are still hyunjin fans. - I don't care if it was middle school or not, why does a guy get a pass for bullying a girl over breaking up with his friend just cuz he got a bellybutton piercing.
>skz felix - I understand that he is very nice and all. IIIIIIII....exo chanyeol thing where dude is just very very overrated and so badly so that he's the token fave of non fans. like it's just annoying LOL. svt mingyu also this.
>being an ateez fan - Everything That Is Wrong With Kpop Stan Culture
>exo sehun - ...thinking he's gay, liking him, etc. like it's so pathetic when people like men that have absolutely Nothing Going for them. please have some respect. for others who have to witness this. you're clearly lacking the self-respect to just not.
>any situation where youre ignoring a girl in favour of bullshit kpop guy. or like you're 'defending' some bullshit kpop man from a girl - just! it is so easy not to hate women! it is so easy!

genshin impact

>liking kaeya ships that are gay - oh seems homophobic. no it just seems like fandom will ship any two dudes for no reason at all, and ignore epic canonical groundwork that has been laid out for hetships. every gay kaeya ship is BAD! it's just BAD. stop shipping him with other dudes! it's just not meant to be! let's not talk about how gay ships conveniently allow the girls to be pushed to the shadows too LOL.
>liking any gay diluc ships - this could just be Liking Diluc. fuck diluc.
>people who saw gorou and started shipping him with kazuha - I wish the arguement for shipping didn't just full stop at 'I'm tired of straight ships!'
>building characters who should be on em, not on em. why is your kazuha on crit? - em is so easy and cheap and you are a sheeple.
>people who don't 1pick a girl/people who like aether - ok Misogynist.
>traveler x adult character ships - ...sorry these blonde children are not doing it for me. fuck aether. fuck Aether.
>bennyrazor fans - where is fischl?
>kaeluc fans - why do you, a 28 year old, want diluc to have a pussy? and why do you, a 28 year old, continue to characterize kaeya in a way that is Solely based on his [QUITE LIGHT!!!] skintone?
>people who characterize Kaeya Like That - no he's not written to be 'morally grey' or 'a traitor' or 'vaguely evil'. the kaeluc fan who drew the webtoon who wanted their ship to be represented in that way. if you read his story. he's reckless. he's 'shady' but he's never shady in a way that implies he's the Bad Guy. it's almost always that he's a slacker. just admit that you like these racist castings because it makes your ship sexier.

assorted

>liking mha
>just any situation where a het ship is perfectly fine and you're into the bland gay one - So Called Free Thinkers.
>being into very white shows and very white interests - usually crimes committed by intolerable white people. case in point: succession fans.
>liking jon snow - definitely a men's rightist red flag. most boring character in the whole fucking series. for what? the way his story only gets interesting when there's WOMEN involved. literally the only readable parts being with (a) Ygritte. (b) Val. (c) Melisandre. very very obvious that this guy is too repressed and needs to fuck a girl.
>liking adam trc - should've done a shot counter for the number of times I played the misogynist card. on top of being white. on top of being my fav character's flop ass endgame. on top of being boring and horrible to read.
>liking howl's moving castle - most annoying people on earth. like it'd be one thing if they realized he was a lesbian and rewrote the entire movie in their heads so that she and sophie were perfect lesbian couple who ended up with the same haircut... but no. these people like this movie unironically or like ... ugh.
>harrow/gideon fans - ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTINGGGGG. oh god I'm appalled just THINKING about it. die die die death for a thousand years! harrow is the worst character on earth and you think harrowgideon is ROMANTIC? is SHIP-WORTHY? is ENDGAME? I ignore things about my favourite characters for a reason.
>liking tezfuji/fujitez - ^^^^ die die die death for a thousand years. not only do I hate tezuka but I refuse to acknowledge his existence or importance to fuji's character. shut up about how fuji's whole character is tez. it's not. Not to me.
>liking hq - give it up to god. Please. Please.
>liking megumi jjk - everyone does it incorrectly
>liking yuuji/megumi - Do I Have To Say It
>liking geto - one time I was like 'he murdered a bunch of people' and someone was like 'I relate to his story' like I guess he had mental health, but it stopped being mental health when he murdered people.

to end on a lighter note. think of this as my version of a carrd dnf. how many did u hit!

Current Mood: annoyed

some of the most fucked up things I've had to hear renhaech say to [each other/the camera/an mc] in the past month. saying 'renhaech' like it's not um, 95% haechan and renjun sometimes responding. mostly ignoring whatever haechan is saying. and sometimes being so truly out of words. peak 'he didn't know whether to laugh or cry' reactions. obviously all of these are very popularly regarded moments. EDIT: I did mostly only have out of context clips to go off of, so I take them at face value rather than also account for the the fan-service-yness of them... grains of salt, etc, still nothing can excuse the sheer amount of hc_needs_to_touch_renj_at_every_second_or_he'll_die. yk die or whatever.

lol for linking tiktoks rather than like tweet clips... welllllll... if it's not at the top of renjun's twitter searches I don't want to conduct further research. though I probably do know all the keywords to find the twt TLs of it.

150621 00LINE VLIVE

@ 5:08
JM: [about 3-line poems] They're easy.
HC: OK, then I'll be serious.
(...)
HC: I liked you from the start, Renjunnie.

...

thanks haechan. this one is pretty harmless if very sweet. renjun gives up as soon as he says 'lovely~ renjunnie' and so Jaemin has to prompt through future. the fucking hilarious triangulation of renjun just staring at his phone as Jaemin reacts to haech's declarations of love. the 'ohhhh Romantist!!!' delivery kills me every fucking time. this is whyyy nahaechren is the best triangle and should be company mandated. who gives a shit about tripleJ I NEED THEM.

Renjun's recent tendency to just...freeze haech out whenever he starts flirting with him on-camera is so fucking funny because if haech was just insulting him, he'd be so much more reactive. when you have sick and twisted brain chemistries >>> something about how this proves that Actually, renjun yearns to be mistreated and erased. like legit in this live, he reads a fan comment that's like 'wow you guys sing so well' and he goes 'LIAR!' in a vvv cute way, but when HAECHAN does it... obviously it's because haechan lays it on way too thick, so it isn't even like when the other dreamies do it and there's obviously some sort of gag or whatever. also it's um. haechan, so he's more...preferential(?) about it. IIII.... [op is about to start saying some bullshit] I mean. unlike with other members where he's like partial to some types of treatment from them, but ultimately doesn't really mind/care.
with haechan, there's always like a specific reaction/reception renjun wants from him and there's insistence in getting that. he folds pretty easily, but the thing is renjun mostly just likes it when haechan fucks with him, so as long as that happens. hence, partially why renjun is so much more sick of haech's constant praises than we could ever be. um!!! some of us can't help but have fucked up psyches!!! some of us being [me, renjun, haechan] ... renjun does not want to be haech's little meow meow, renj wants to be haech's forever bullying target. wow when I say it like this it sounds so much more SM-like than it should. but something something haechan also enjoys being mistreated in love. I guess they'll take turns.

210701 Kiss the Radio

@ [???]
MC: I heard the members became Renjun-holic these days?
JN: Instead of everyone, someone who's really obsessed with Renjun is Haechan.
MC: So can you tell us about some of Renjun's charms?
HC: Renjunnie's the cutest when he's angry, he's the most adorable when he's being serious, and I want to hug him the most when he's being sensitive.
MC: So you must constantly want to see Renjun angry.
RJ: This member always makes me angry, and he's the only one that makes me angry.
(...)
HC: [more gay shit. I can't bring myself transcribe]

...

to me the funniest thing about this moment was that he just recited it like a ment. haech was literally practicing for when he was going to be asked why he likes renjun so much. he was waitinggg make this nightmare end. someone needs to start a [likes when girls (renjun) gets mad at him] counter for real.

also the um. the fucking. renjunhaechan being to invested in each other they completely ignore youngk who I'm sure was like 'I am not LGBT but I support it' I'm so sorry imagine reading off your script and one of the prompt questions is like 'Oh you're all obsessed with x member?' and expecting typical fanserviceisms and then having to witness um. you know. I'm sure we all understand that there is a limit.

I keep thinking about how every moments vid points out how in 7dream cafe dr walk off set, then walk back in but with messier clothes and it's Sus™. and I'm like 'yeah they were just doing whatever' but then I think about how like, as the audience we're always just #Believing_the_Best in idols, and how that turned out for situations like jbj yongguk where he wasn't at a schedule because he was sick, but he was hungover. and it's like, well these idols also rely on this 'sensible' assumption to get them through everything the way fans rely on it to keep them un-delusional(?).

so theoretically, the probability that they did make out is as high as the probability that they didn't, which are both higher than the probability that this truly was the seeding for an Elaborate Company CP Conspiracy. but at that point, I seriously feel like we are giving the company + editors + idols wayyyyy too much credit because um, they literally left in chanyeol having sex in exo's reality show. like for God and everyone to just see. all of which makes me sound crazy sure, but this actually more reasonable than being like 'oh they're just friends' ... I understand that we think being gay is more rare than not. but it seems short-sighted not to give it any weight. like, everyone was like 'oh hyuna and edawn are Fucking' for all of tripleH before it came out, that Yeah, they Really Were Fucking. another recent, western example is tomdaya LOL.

but ultimately making these kind of assumptions about idols is. Rough on the idol. and even worse if it's a gay rumour so.

but also on the note of 'he's the only one that ever makes me angry' mannnnn ohhhhh myyy renhaechs... SO TRUE! other people will be like 'my favourite rh moment/top ever rh moment is [some gay shit]' but they simply don't get it. the best or most meaningful one is not of them being in Love or whatever. it's donghyuck's hot sauce ment to renjun where he signs off as 'your natural enemy'. sorry but what is more romantic and meaningful in terms of RENJUN and DONGHYUCK than acknowledging that you are on this earth to make him suffer. you literally have to think because anytime renjun makes a ment about haechan it's literally 'I love him but I hate him [which of course I don't mean 'hate-hate' I mean that he pisses me off so bad]' ... that's peaaaaak dongren romance baby!!! it's what defines their relationship I'm legit sorry u think it's about haechan being in love and cuddly it's not. that's a side effect. the driving factor is that one is the ideal victim and the other is a bully. sorry that I literally think the most romantic thing about their dynamic is <suffering><the one who caused the suffering> but I'm correct.

드림이 드림콘서트에 왔습니다 💚 | 드림콘서트 비하인드

@ 4:44
RJ: When we're alone, we're very different. This only happens in front of the camera.
(...)
HC: Do you know what the fact is? He likes me.
CL: That's right.
HC: That's why I'm crazy about him.
RJ: *LOL*

...

this entire thing is so fucking. painful to watch? like imagine being a dr/rdist and seeing this. um the sheer hilarity of having to take it to ON-CAMERA so they can finally draw a line. crying and sobbing WHY CAN'T IDOLS BE NORMAL *knows why* *can't stand it* *is still here* you guys are all such FREAKS

man. not to be a terrible person. but like they're just so entertaining to just Witness. like just accept that it's true they're #dating and then watch them interact the Long-suffering Renjunism of RENJUN in this moment but how he keeps laughing at whatever haech says like.... umm NCT Dream The Love. Renhaech The Love. the way he is sooo clearly over it but haechan is like Please Please Please Queen Just One Chance (x100000) and then not caring at all about what renjun's response is. I LOVE. GUY WHO IS SUUUUPER PERSISTENT AND OTHER GUY WHO SECRETLY LIKES IT BUT IS ALSO DYING. out of all the most popular #toxic tropes. this is the best and most good one. like renjun is sooooooooo miserable here, he is dying, he is tired he and his soul is legit Leaving His Body and haech is still lovemelovemelovemelovemeloveme. extremely beautiful. TO ME. appreciator of miserable renjs

as well of note, the way renjun is a near-silent observer in his own, very violently public love story. aaughhhh give me a minute. I mean more than anything, renjun is quiet and deliberate about his sincerity. which isn't to say he's not open about it, just that he won't publicly broadcast it. it's the same way jaemin is seriously Unopen and Very Publicly Broadcasts it. I seriously think it's soooooo unfair to look at hello future moments and assume that either rh is one-sided, or Haechan Loves Renjun More Than Renjun Loves Haechan, or that renjun is the long-suffering one, but not acknowledge that He Likes That. sorry for trying to convey that renjun is a freak x100000 but it's TRUE. it's just the basis on you have to ask renjun to receive an answer and depending on the day he'll either be like 'I don't believe in mbti' or like 'actually [random tangent about how he thinks that explains 0.1% of his methodology' and either way renjun searches will be his stan accounts going 'renjun has such a beautiful mind [puppy eyes emoji]' ... it's like ... AAARRRGGGHHH. something about not that he minds if people see it, but the fact that it is on such a public scale coupled with the fact that haechan has so many diseases pertaining to the camera. like the amount of stuff dream film and how when promoting they are soooo frequently on camera. like yes I love content but it does freak me out :,). also renj typically being a fan of inside jokes and relishing in Secrets From The Audience [guy who loves to whisper] sorry it's just Wow. the haptics of this interaction too, having to happen On Camera is sooooo.

I mean to return to the point of 'near-silent observer' the progression of having to [very aggressively beg for haech's attention] >>> [relish in haech's attention and have it whenever he wants] to [constantly being scrutinized by haech's attention and be obsessed with To This Level] like haechan is so fucking insane. I'm sure like rather than it being a split of being exaggerated for the camera/genuinely meaning it. the methodology is more like, < through the camera is another way I can express this > which Idk some of us are like, well actually not only do I like This but I need Everyone to Know That I Like This THE MOST. the invisible competition. versus how that forces(?) renjun into a spot where he just has to be standing there accepting it. the feedback circle of like >he makes you suffer>you like that>You're Suffering. ctfuuuuu. I think I wanted to make a point about how renjun either has nothing to say about haech or has nothing to respond with or is genuinely unable to respond because haech is most definitely taking it way too far and there's no ability for renjun to damage control without making it worse. like how do u respond to the whiplash of a guy who went from mercilessly teasing u everytime he opened his mouth to mercilessly confessing his love. something something this is a learning curve and also something something renjun knows what caused the shift but can't say anything about it. and something something. haechan is just making it public for God and Everyone to see and renjun has very little say in it because this is, quite truthfully, What He Signed Up For.

hmm I feel like some of my takes don't coincide well with popular twitter renhyuchers. well you see, I'm a renhaecher. I mean none of this is to discount that renj is happy or that he enjoys the exhibitionism because both those things are true! it just strikes me as an order of events that isn't what would be his first choice. also I think the difference in hot sauce < > hello future where hot sauce was kind of still in it's plausible deniability like Yeah these two are Great Friends to hf where it's like ... wow haechan is getting to and soaring past his mark-levels of obsessed with renjun... like that's a whole thing. I remember pitching that to sora and sora was like 'yeah... it's too early to say but he's getting there.' and now it's like. Well Yeah. it's Getting There.

anyway... I guess all of this is very renj-centric, but to me he's the one that needs more explaining. versus haechan. well. at least I know what's up with him. I don't need to rationalize his homosexuality. idk.

Weekly Idol / This is about our ‘Future’ | PAST, PRESENT, HELLO FUTURE #3

@ 18:13 / @ 19:45
HC: I have a dream, the ultimate goal of my life.
HC: After becoming a singer-songwriter, my dream at the very end is to live next door to Renjunnie in my 70s... and do the ding-dong ditch.
(...)
HC: There's something I really want to do, it's something I want to do when I'm 67. My dream is to live in front of Renjun's place and ding-dong ditch him every day.
HC, with glee: That's so much fun, it's so much fun alreadyyy.
MARK, trying to refocus it into a DREAM moment: I think we'll be like this even when we become old....

...

I was gonna write this off as a one-off but he's said it TWICE? god... haech your diseases. like it's so funny as a one-time joke, but emphasizing it.... Sure maybe not everyone is getting it, but *I* get it. You want Marriage Marriage, you're going to live together with him forever and be in love for the rest of your life and in your sick twisted version of it that means mercilessly torturing him until u both die. and you know what? I understand the Romance™ of it<3 I know most people won't but it's okay.

not but seriously as much as it is a tenderhearted fantasy about wanting to stay close until they're old men, it is also a Haechan-esque tenderheart where Love means Annoy and Love means Letting Him Annoy. which is why renhaech are twin flames perfect for each other [we young hc voice] soulmates, etc etc etc because renjunnnnnn has so many diseases and 40% of them are about haechan and 40% of them that are not about haechan, make him perfect for haechan... I completely ignored this even though it was the main fucking part but hc going 'he likes me, that's why I'm crazy about him' it's ABOUT THE TSUNDEREISM.... though I guess I already mentioned this 8million times renjun 'secretly' likes suffering at haech's hands and haech Knows and Understands this and this was literally my ridin' pitch but to hear haechan say it in full.... also I'm legit obsessed with how both of them are past denying that they like each other or that they're being Sus and go straight to 'yeah we can talk about it' this is not how fanservice traditionally works!!!

lastly, when haech said that in weekly idol. the way it was prompted by renj picking him as member that would retire well [GUY LITERALLY SAYS JUST BEFORE RENJ PICKS HIM 'I'll probably be a bum' CRIES CRIES CRIES CRIES] renjun has diseases for real because the only reason he picked haech for that question was because haech asked him to. RENJUN YOUR INDULGING NATURE!!! I think it's sooo sickening and sooooo sweet the way renjun confirms that he's mutually as down bad because he is not as much as a public person as haechan!!! so it's just like. in stuff like youngk radio where he immediately plays along with the aggressive headpatting and how he is just so always sooooo charmed by haech no matter what [op note: this obviously discludes when haechan is confessing his love via words or action, it only applies to haechan being funny] ... this clip [renjun your face!!!] ... picking haechan because haechan asked ... gestures to most recent vlive. you knowwww... renjun pining and fondness is a very particular brand...

bonus: 210627 Hello Dream's Future Night
HC: If renjun was a girl I'd date him,
what can I say?

EDIT: there was also, from this live, like around that time stamp 'I'm not a fan of renjun, I just like him' + their album unboxing video where haech literally flips to an extremely beautiful pic of renj then goes 'my favourite picture' and then proceeds to kiss it in a clinically fangirl-esque manner (9:55). haechan this era has just been top10 million insane person things to do when you're in love with someone. I understand.

sorry if it got rambly at times LOLOL. sorry if I've mortally offended you. etc etc. ciel if you're reading this I love u. thanks to anyone else who also read.

Current Mood: awake

I keep going down this rabbit hole of like, clicking through random stantwt accounts and really it just makes me hate everything. like I hate it when people don't agree with me, and I hate every iteration of stantwt drama unless it's so dumb that it's funny as fuck, and like I hate it when people like idols I don't like! have better taste you fucking freak!!!

so I think I will stop doing so. but sometimes, really important things that I would have never seen otherwise do show up.

like, this heejin/chuu tweet. like sorry for being a freak rpser who wants girls to kiss but I have been so invested in this pairing since that penguin thing? though obviously, like every other ship I randomly latch onto, it's not as popular of a ship. visually, the reasons are obvious. since they are both the cute pretty ones and around the same size. this is also why nyukyu is not the top tbz otp. also why it took 2 years of nonstop on-camera freak shit for renhyuck to get fandomly acclaimed. I think, especially in terms of rps - fandom perception actually matters more than canonity, because your main source of ship content isn't from the Real People in question, but the fellow shippers. but the double-edged sword of fandom is fanon and fanon, as you may realize, Is Bad.

...

like, in the case of heejin/chuu!!! the lack of a 'hot'/'tall', dare I say 'masc-passing' [less girly?] in the pair is what turns fandom off from it. though I am using the ao3 tag popularity as a metric LOLOL. and it's not like f/f ao3 is booming so it's a pretty bad metric. but, still it's the same reasoning with renhyuck popularity and why pre-hot sauce, where people really could not ignore it anymore, they always got 'they're such good friends!' tag, the way nomin and markhyuck are soooo popular. and why noren and jaemren are constantly in renj's searches even though they're clearly not...whatever is going on with renhaech. like no offense but the fandom need for reasonable opposites and/or reasonable dimorphism [LOL] in their popular pairings is sooo.

though I think for the same reason, dotae being as popular as they are freaks me the fuck out and also makes me happy. imagine both of you are the neurotic type-As and you both bottom in your most popular ao3 ship [JAEHYUN?] and STILL make it to top10 ships in the tag. THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL. TO ME.

I think I will keep saying more out of pocket ship like this because um, I simply can. also it's like, something that's been bothering me for a while. literally, ao3 is not a good metric OR reference for anything. I will say so right now. it is however, the one I have and therefore will be the one I use. I think that the need for this 'dimorphism' shows up most in the fiction as well. like fans don't tend to look at on-camera moments and go like 'omg! renjun was totally being the bottom here and haechan the top!' like yes, I do substitute top/bottom for girl/boy but I don't use girl/boy as a signal that means renjun is going to be the soft cute one of the half and haechan is going to be the manly bad boy. HONESTLY, I'll say it right now. renhaech is suuuch a bad example to use for this comparison because like. um. they're Like That. just generally. renjun emotional, sensitive, aries girl of the pair and haechan is the mischievous, charming, teasing boy of the pair. like to compare them to a [bad] fandom acclaimed ship, it's like leo/calypso from pjo but with more depth because they are #Real_People.

my use of 'dimorphism' here stems from concept of sexual dimorphism in biology, which is just when males and females look different. I'm just using it to necessitate that for a ship to have mass fandom appeal, there has to be a kind-of 'opposites' factor to them where they have to fit well into distinct 'tropes' to make for ease-of-access shipping. which defeats the purpose of shipping imo. but I will digress.

probably what is the best example of forced dimorphism - nomin! I think the twitter crowd, or the twitter crowd that I know off, thinks of them differently. but ao3 is still rife with babyboy soft jaemin x bad boy jock jeno so. I will also say, the difference in twitter crowd perception is that jeno just has to be slutty jock bottom. it's like, almost always a top/bottom thing, where it does somewhat matter who bottoms, but for people who genuinely don't care about the sex, it's about who's being pursed/who's the pursuer. you know, not to use severely outdated terminology, but the concept of 'erastes'/'eromenos'. I think it just stems from how relationships in the media have been portrayed - usually, it's the girl who's the main character and who's feelings the love story revolves around - and that's what affects top/bottom perceptions. since in cishet sex, the girl does 'bottom'. if I really had to pin down a reason, yeah it's heteronormativity, but it's specifically that - if we're talking about sex specifically - the girl is the erotic focus. it's hilarious that men like don't make women come because so much porn is about how good the girl feels. that the sexual acts are being done to the girl. like make that make sense!

sorry that this literally isn't coherent or organized, firstly I am not here to write actual essays. just my stream of thought. second. GODDDD it makes shit soooo boring. this isn't just in fanwork. it's sooooooooo rife in BL and it's sooooo boring because of that. there's like 3 character archetypes that the uke will always be, and then 3 character archetypes that the seme will always be. and even when you have like seme-like uke, and uke-like-seme it's not as groundbreaking as it seems ever. the problem is just that it's trope-based writing, as opposed to character-focused writing. which makes sense, so much of this work [fanwork, manga, webtoon] is like such a fast-paced, quick-delivery thing where the writer just needs you to recognize that this is this character and that is that character and then just dump the story on you.

wrt to dr specifically. it's just renjun. because he does have so many female traits and traits that align with typical uke/girl isms, then ends up getting portrayed as those things. but like the way those traits manifest in renjun [softness, seriousness, emotionality, sensitivity, stubborness] are so different than how they tend to get written.

and I mean. haechan...if u know what ao3 has done to him...loool hopefully miss idolrapper never reads this. but all the time I think about how she so badly wants haechan to get fucked and have whoever's babies, but like when u read her haechs!!! he is literally not the sassy femme gayboy bottom other popular markhyuck authors portray him as!!! and to be clear, she still writes him with some of those tropes in mind, but it's so much easier to spot where it's really Haech! because he does have some of those traits, and her love for him shines through in portraying them as they are versus like, the 'sexy' trope other authors want him to be. like you can have both!!! ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb is the perfect example of it! to be clear I have never really been into bottom hyuck, which I think is clear, and a lot of the time knowing that the author wants a specific half to bottom tends to ruin the experience of a fic, but like. idk reem's hyuck has always been perfect. so literally no matter how turned off I am by both top mark and bottom haechan, this fic is still like. soooo perfectly encapsulating of them both.

but also. I think fic is sooo badly written in general recently that dimorphic characterization is literally a symptom rather than the cause. anyway like, looking at the most written ships in the nct tag really reallyyyy proves that popular fandom ships tend towards this kind of difference. anyway Idk it's just a collection of thoughts. hit that like button if you enjoyed. subscribe, comment, uhhh please don't post on twitter. etc!

was thinking about this a while ago but I never got to post it. fave ship names in the style of 'otp: [...]' with some fa links for keeping

genshin

scholar's tea club - mona/albedo
they are both genius scholars, they have tea together.
in general, @_047358586959 is literally my life. I think they capture albedo's gentleness + showcase mona's many charm points [smugness, fluster, confidence, etc] really well. also, how private and quiet the more intimate ship art is soooo... It's Literally Like That.
there's also this tweet, which is just funny and shows the #slay of them. and this because bitchy scholarism is bitchy scholarism!!!

in your shadow
to me, this one encompasses um ALL the knights. but is especially emphasized with jean/amber/kaeya which is just the Best triangulation. unfortunately have no fanart to provide but artofmimih's jeankae visions align pretty well with mine <333

in the tianqian's office - ningguang/keqing/gangyu
what if we were three girls... and we were in an office...
THIS. and also this [nsfw]. sorry for not being woke at all about ganyu, sometimes I simply do not think about things deeply.

the soft west wind - venti/xiao
I need to write out everything as fic because my fanon and widely accepted fanon are not the same. for one: Xiao is a maiden. anyway name is derived from the vanessa/xiao parallels I made up [namely, chained birds, would-be warriors, freed but Not].

middle school anime club - fischl/bennett/razor
this is the whole reason I made this post. I need everyone to look at this fanart. it's the most perfect representation of them in the world. this is the reason.

dreamies

FIRST LOVE - mahae
this is technically not mahae. 300_bx is um. I think they will make me revert fully back into markhyuckism with their work. THISSSSS [everything, this, and this, and this (lin's pick)] is what markhyuck is supposed to look like. the problem imo with fanon is that fanon interpretation of ships is so trope-based but half the time that trope is based off who is taller. what 300_bx understands that no one on markhyuck ao3 understands is that mahae's most perfect trope is class clown delinquent x innocent good boy class prez .... LIKE JUST LOOK AT THE IMMACULATE VIBES THEY ARE PRESENTING!!! look at that haechan. people lichterally refuse to accept that haechan is Boyfriend and Boy and Boyishly Charming and never acknowledge that it's the most attractive handsome epic part of him [aka why renhyuck is doing so much for haechanism]. and then EVEN WORSE, they don't understand what makes mark appealing. mark's appeal is the innocent schoolboy look!!! the inherent eroticism of it!!! no one says it so I will say it. and 300_bx literally understands!!!!!

star, sun, star - dr
these drawings make me loose my shit everytime I see them. and then seeing them for the first time and then the next day op is defending me on the internet really smartly... <3 <3
excavated this tweet god it's so fucking funny everytime I see it.

x—x

play dirty!

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